A Divine Calling...Musings on Motherhood

Just Yesterday...

2012-01-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

I remember when, as a young mother, older women would repeatedly say, “Enjoy every moment…it goes so fast.” And inside, I would think, “Really? Because it seems like years since I had a full night’s sleep.” Not that I wasn’t enjoying every minute…but I sure was tired. Sometimes the days seemed long, when I was home all alone with three little ones needing every ounce of my attention and nurturing. Sometimes the nights seemed even longer. I never wished away the moments, although I did occasionally think “Okay, I am REALLY done with potty training now!” Sometimes the weeks seemed long, when my husband traveled on business and I tackled the parenting alone. Sometimes the seasons seemed long, when we entered a difficult phase with one of the children. But then something would happen to give me pause, like a baby learning to walk, a child losing his first tooth, or a kindergartener heading off to school, looking so grownup with their carefully chosen backpack on their back. And I’d think, “No, wait! It’s all going too fast!” And as each year passed, and my babies got older, it seemed that the calendar pages just started to fly. Soon we went from having one in school, to having three in homeschool. Overnight, it seemed, we went from being young parents with small children, to (gasp!) middle-aged parents with teenagers.

And today, we enter a new phase…that of parents to an adult. Eighteen years ago today, our precious firstborn entered the world and we became parents. I remember taking her home from the hospital and my husband and I looking at each other in disbelief that we were really solely responsible for this tiny little creature. Oh, and it couldn’t possibly be eighteen years ago…it was just yesterday, wasn’t it? It was just yesterday that we prayed desperate prayers that God would give us a child. It was just yesterday that she finally joined our family, the answer to a thousand prayers. It was just yesterday that she sang her way through our house, one minute being Cinderella and the next Snow White. It was just yesterday that she headed off to school and broke my heart when she came home with the oft-repeated phrase, “But, Mommy, Mrs. S. does it THIS way.” It was just yesterday when we pulled her out of school to continue educating her at home and we battled for a year before she became content with homeschooling. It had to be just yesterday when she fervently pledged her life to Christ and was baptized in our Jacuzzi tub. I’m certain that it was just yesterday when she started to grow into this lovely young woman who took my breath away when she danced. It was just yesterday when I saw her all decked out in a Civil War ball gown, with her hair in a beautiful updo and her makeup so perfect, heading off to the ball on her daddy’s arm. It was just yesterday that we began planning her future, with college choices and scholarship applications and late night talks about life and love. And now, here she stands, a beautiful young woman with a passionate heart and a determined outlook, ready to take those first steps into her adulthood. And I think my heart will overflow.

And now I know that those little old ladies were wise beyond measure…time really does fly and there is nothing we can do to slow it down. Those endless nights of rocking and feeding that tiny little baby will soon turn into late nights of waiting for your teenager to come home from work, and praying for her safety on the snow-covered streets. Those days of thinking you’ll never have an adult conversation again will soon turn into late night gabfests with your almost adult child. The carefree years of thinking they will always eat at your table, or be with you on vacation, or celebrate Christmas around your tree will all too soon be days of waving goodbye as she drives off to work, or watching proudly as he dons his cap and gown, or wiping away a tear as she walks down that aisle dressed in white to begin her life with another. You know what? The little old ladies were right.

So, as I celebrate my sweet girl today, I will be listening a little more closely, taking a little more time to just talk, and remembering each precious moment. And even as I grieve the “lasts”, I will be rejoicing in the satisfaction of watching a little girl grow into a woman who loves her family and her Lord and is ready to take those tentative first steps into the rest of her life. God be with you, my precious Molly. We are so proud of the lovely young lady you have become. You are a treasure and a gift, and your daddy and I will love you forever.

To read Molly's thoughts on turning eighteen...

A Legacy of Faithfulness - Part II

2011-05-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

Recent statistics have shown that our children are abandoning their faith in record numbers after leaving home. One such study claims that 75-88% of children raised in Christian homes will leave their faith by the end of their freshman year in college. That number should terrify us and motivate us to reexamine what we are doing in our own homes to pass down a legacy of faith to our children. Obviously, we are failing our children in the most important aspect of parenting. So, what do we do? Do we just hope for the best and stumble blindly toward the finish line of parenting, hoping that they will “turn out okay”? We would never accept this answer if the question were our children’s education. We spend an incredible amount of time and money making sure they get the best possible education, and we spend countless hours (and dollars) taking them to dance classes, sports practices and music lessons to give them every advantage. Why, then, have we placed so little importance on their spiritual upbringing?

We are raising a generation of children who have no spiritual heritage. Because of this, we are sending them out into the world as easy prey for the one who seeks to destroy them. Even Karl Marx recognized this, saying, “A people without a heritage are easily persuaded.” We need to be giving our children a strong foundation for their faith, making sure they know what they believe, why they believe it, and that they are part of a legacy going back two thousand years to the birth of a Savior in a humble manger in Bethlehem. So, how does this happen?

God makes it clear to us in Deuteronomy 6 exactly how this is to take place. He says, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” God doesn’t say to casually impart His commandments to our children, or to take them to church once a week and hope that they somehow “catch” our faith. He says to impress them on our children. I looked up “impress” in the dictionary to get a better feel for what that word means. It means “to affect deeply or strongly in mind or feelings; to fix deeply or firmly on the mind or memory; and to urge, as something to be remembered or done.” To me, this implies something very purposeful and serious. First, God commands us to love Him completely; then, He commands us to pass on this command to our children. We should be teaching our children about Him at every opportunity, not just at church, or on Christmas and Easter. Talking about spiritual matters should permeate our days, including discussing such things at the dinner table, in the car on those many drives to baseball practice and in those heart-to-heart talks when their hearts are aching with hurt or frustration. When you read the newspaper at breakfast, talk about what you see in the world. Help them to recognize differences in worldview and how that affects what people see and believe. If we are not purposeful in making this happen, the years will fly by and our children will be gone…and possibly, so will their faith.

We also must be faithful in teaching them truth…that there is ONE truth, not many, and it comes from the Word of God. We must teach them to search Scripture to see if what they are being taught is true. We must make sure the education they are receiving is filled with truth, not lies. We must give them an appreciation for history and help them to recognize God’s hand of providence as they study stories of the past. As Os Guinness says, “Those who don’t know history have no sense of identity, and no sense of wisdom as they explore where they’re going to go. Without history, we’re lost!” Deuteronomy 32:7 tells us to “Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you.” We need to pass on stories of God’s faithful people and how they persevered through trials, often giving their lives rather than surrender their faith. We need to instill in them a passion for truth in doctrine, as well. The Nehemiah Institute released a study showing that less than 10% of churched teens have a true, Biblical worldview. The world is apparently doing a whole lot better job of instilling its worldview into our children than we are…and that is shameful.

As we raise our children, we need to be disciplining them in ways that are intended for long-term results, not short-term peace. Just as pacifying a screaming child with candy at the grocery store gives a short-term answer (we are no longer embarrassed!) but leads to long-term disaster (a disobedient child who learns they can get whatever they want by misbehaving), our “quick-fixes” in spiritual matters often fail as well. While the world teaches us that we should desire happy children, God teaches us that our goal should be holy children. Be purposeful and persevering in looking to the end goal, a young adult who is surrendered to God and to His will. Let’s give our children a sense of vision and a purpose much bigger than themselves. Let’s raise children who will change the world for God, not lose their faith the minute they are no longer under our supervision. Let’s pass down a legacy of faithfulness which will continue for a thousand generations. Let’s wake up and take responsibility for our families before it is too late.

What kind of legacy are you leaving your children?

“Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.”
Deut. 7:9

A Legacy of Faithfulness - Part I

2011-04-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, we threw a big celebration. The occasion was my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary and our goal was to host a party that was memorable, fun, and that honored my parents’ love for each other through the years. The party was in a 50’s theme, complete with poodle skirts and swing dancing. We performed a skit, showing memorable scenes of my parents’ fifty years together, which brought much laughter and maybe even a few tears to the family and friends gathered to honor this much-loved couple. While the party was tons of fun, we also had a message that we desperately hoped to convey.

In recent years, the idea of legacy has had a profound impact on my family. We have come to understand that God intends for us to do much more than raise our children to be successful adults. We believe that God calls us to pass down much more than life skills or money-making talents, inheritances or college funds; He calls us to pass on a legacy of godliness and devotion to His will. If we raise our children to be fiscally responsible and well-educated, we still may have failed. Even if we raise our children to be hard workers and popular with their peers, it still isn’t enough.

Over and over again in the Old Testament, God promises something to us. He promises His faithful love “to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments (Deut. 7:9).” This verse has had a profound impact on my family. We have begun praying for this blessing for our family, praying not just for our children, but for our grandchildren, and our great-grandchildren, and our great-great-grandchildren. We pray for this blessing for generations we will never meet, but hope to influence. My parents pray this prayer faithfully for their grandchildren and for their grandchildren’s grandchildren, knowing that the prayers they pray now will have profound influence on the generations to come, long after they are gone. Our family legacy that we pray desperately to pass on to our children is simple: we pray that they will serve God faithfully and passionately for a thousand generations. If we have have nothing material to give our children when we are gone, yet succeed in teaching them this, we will have succeeded beyond all measure.

As a young mother, I think my vision for my kids went something like this: “I hope to raise them to love God, be financially stable and well-educated.” Some days, it went like this: “I just hope to get this kid potty-trained before kindergarten.” Other days, I despaired of ever raising them right. The vision was cloudy and changeable, and often I lived my daily life without really thinking of a vision at all. Now, my vision for them is much, much bigger, and much clearer: “I pray that my kids will change the world. I pray my kids will have lots of kids themselves and teach them to change the world for Christ. I pray that my family will serve the Lord God faithfully for a thousand generations.” I have started a book that I hope will be passed down in our family for generations. It is called “The Metzger Family Standing Stones”, representing the idea that God set forth in the Old Testament of building monuments to remind the Israelites of what God had done for them. In this book, I plan to write stories of the Metzger family…stories of God’s provision, His faithfulness and His everlasting love. I envision reading these stories to my grandchildren someday, helping their parents to teach them of a very special legacy. We will record our family stories for future generations, so they can see exactly how God’s faithful love spans the generations.

My parents have begun a beautiful thing in their fifty years of marriage. They came to know Christ early in their married life, and as they grew in their love for Him, they passed on that desire to serve Him to their children. As we grew up, married and had children of our own, we, too, grew in our love for Him, and now we seek to pass on that legacy of love to our children. I am blessed beyond measure to have been given such a beginning, and I pray that my husband and I will be diligent and purposeful in passing on the torch of faithfulness to the next generation.

I Choose You

2010-12-02T21:02:00.000-08:00

Last week, our family traveled to Indiana to spend Thanksgiving with my brother and his family. We were thrilled to have some family time together and couldn’t wait to meet the newest member of our family, a little girl named Emma. Emma is the second child to be adopted from China into our extended family. Emma’s new mom is my sister-in-law’s sister (confused yet?), so technically she is no relation to me. But I have never been one to care about the “rules” that define a family. My husband and I are close to Emma’s parents, having known them most of our lives. Our kids call them “aunt” and “uncle” and we fulfill the same role for these precious two little girls from China. We mutually decided that we were family and our kids were cousins. So it was with great expectation that we drove the endless miles to Indiana, anticipating the first time we would hold this amazing gift from God.

The first time we saw Emma was when we met at a portrait studio, hoping to update the “cousin” picture that we each have hanging in our homes. The studio was crowded and noisy, being the day before Thanksgiving. Little Emma, who is twenty-one months old, was very overwhelmed by the crush of people, the flashes of light and all these eager relatives wanting to hold her. She is still adjusting to her new life, having been with her new parents only a few months. She was seventeen months old when they got her, and was very attached to her caregiver, making the transition a painful one for her. Many, many tears were shed over the next days and continue to be shed as she adjusts to her new life. While I wanted desperately to hold her and kiss her, I held back, seeing the uncertainty in her eyes. I waved at her from afar, delighting in her sweet face and adorable, toddling steps. The photo session will go down in our family history as quite an experience…the best one we managed to get was all the other kids smiling and Emma screaming her head off. All that mattered to me is that we managed to record a moment in our family history—the addition of a new cousin. The kids will always treasure that picture and tell of that picture shoot forever, saying, “Remember when?”

The next few days, the closest I could get to Emma was when I offered her a finger to hold as she toddled around the house. She wouldn’t let me hold her, but was delighted to go walking, holding on to my outstretched hand. We walked, back and forth, through the house, again and again. My heart was full as I memorized each precious feature of this miracle baby who had joined our family. My arms ached as I longed to hold her, but I determined to be patient and give this little girl what she needed until she felt safe enough to accept me.

Finally, on our last night in Indy, as I was sitting on the couch at Emma’s house, she came into the room, carrying a book. She looked up at me and smiled her beautiful, sweet smile. She reached up and handed me her book and then lifted her arms to me, asking to be held. I gently picked her up and placed her on my lap and she snuggled deep into me and looked up at me with that angelic smile, waiting for me to read to her. I literally felt my heart melt with love for this child. I held her close and read to her for as long as she would sit. We read about Australian animals over and over and over and I sang a silly song to her about the Kookaburra, delighting in her laughter. With that moment, Emma was sealed forever in my heart as a member of our family.

As I’ve pondered this experience, I had a moment of clarity. While Emma is not biologically a part of my family, she is now a member in full standing of the Blake/Richardson/Metzger clan. Her parents chose her, took her in, and love her completely. Her aunts and uncles adore her and her cousins delight in her. What a beautiful picture of what God has done for us. While we were sinners, having a nature that was completely opposed to His, He chose us to be a part of His family. He loves us, adores us, and delights in us. When we lift our hands to Him, His heart melts with love for us, just as mine did for little Emma. He has given us full standing as sons and daughters of the King and is preparing a home for us to live with Him forever. He has adopted us into His family and given us everything that we need. Just as Emma’s parents took her into their lives and their hearts, God has taken us into His. What a precious gift little Emma is to our family, and what an overwhelming gift God has given to us by choosing us to be His children. Thank you, Emma, for coming into our family and for showing us a picture of how very much our God loves us.

“God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.” Galatians 4:5

Why We Homeschool

2010-08-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

To me, the beginning of the school year is somewhat reminiscent of New Year’s Day. It is a time of planning, reflecting and setting goals for the next year, a time of evaluating why we homeschool and how to do it more effectively. It’s a time for remembering how and why God called us to homeschool and a chance to reestablish His sovereignty over our home and school. It’s a time to pray, to dream, and to renew our commitment to educating and discipling our children.

There are many reasons why we have chosen to home educate our children. When we began this journey nearly 6-1/2 years ago, our primary motivation was to give our children a better education that was more suited to their particular learning needs. Our school principal was the one who suggested that we consider homeschooling, as he felt that the school could not supply the academic challenge that our children required. After much prayer and research (if you want to hear our story, click here), we made the choice to remove our children from the public school we attended, and to continue their education at home. We determined that our children would be better off academically to have a customized program, designed to meet their individual interests and needs. Six years later, however, our primary motivation has changed. While we still aim to provide an excellent academic program for our children, we now have become convicted that our primary reason for homeschooling is to have our children in an environment where God is sovereign (not the government), so that we are able to disciple our children in His ways and prepare them for life as whole-hearted, sold-out servants of Christ.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I had the profound experience of hearing a man named Voddie Baucham speak. I can still hear his passionate pleas for parents to wake up and devote themselves wholly to raising children who fear and love the Lord above all else. His main argument for home education was the very familiar Scripture which states “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what is God’s”. He stated that our children belong to the Lord, not to the government, which seeks to educate them in a humanistic, and oftentimes atheistic environment. He further stated that we should not be surprised that when we give our children over to “Rome” that they are returned to us as “Romans”. This man’s words resonated in our hearts and inspired us to devote ourselves even more completely to homeschooling our children. My husband was so inspired by this man that he began to involve himself more fully in our children’s education, in spite of the fact that he works very long, very stressful days at his job. We firmly believe that our children belong first of all to their Creator, and that He instructs us to teach them His ways all day long, in all that we do. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 says, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” If we intended to take this seriously, we needed to spend as much time as possible with our children in the short time that they are under our roof. For us, this seems impossible if we are sending them off to school for 6-8 hours per day.

While our experiences with our public school were relatively good (with one major exception—our oldest daughter’s fourth grade year), we still spent many hours undoing what had been taught, both academically and behaviorally. We watched as our children began to respect their teacher’s authority above our own (one of our children would constantly argue, “But Mrs. X does it THIS way”), learned to look down on children of other ages, and picked up worldly attitudes and ways of treating others. In spite of being in a school that valued “Character Education”, their character was being slowly eroded. Because this character education was taught apart from the character of Jesus Christ, it failed. (For a very interesting look at this topic, please watch the movie “Time Changer”). While our children had opportunities to be a Christian witness at school (and accepted those opportunities gladly and effectively), there were many more opportunities to be affected by the worldliness surrounding them all day long. It was like being the only little fish trying to swim upstream in a torrent of fish racing the other direction.

Another Scripture that we firmly believe in as the basis for our homeschooling is Proverbs 13:20-- “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” While many people argue that our children will suffer from the lack of “socialization”, we believe God’s word teaches us to be selective in our children’s companions. If they are constantly surrounded by foolishness, they, too, will become foolish. If we surround them with children who are well-grounded in God’s word and who also love Him wholeheartedly, and also provide them with adults who are wise in their walk with God, we believe that they, too, will grow wise. In my experience, most of the homeschooled children we have met are very poised and well-spoken. They know how to converse with adults and children, and are compassionate to those younger than themselves instead of looking down on them. Our oldest daughter’s employer has stated that he prefers homeschooled children because of their polite and respectful manner and strong work ethic.

Another reason we choose to homeschool is that we believe that by educating our children at home, we can be much more effective in raising our children to be world-changers instead of world-conformers. We can choose materials that teach the TRUTH instead of having them subjected to such lies as evolution, revisionist history and humanism. We can teach them history with a view toward God’s providence through the ages. We can spend quality time each day teaching our children to read and cherish God’s word, praying together and giving them opportunities to develop the gifts and talents that God has given them. We can educate our children in light of eternity, not with an eye toward attaining all the standards set by some school board who doesn’t share our faith or our goals for our children. Instead of hoping our children will grow up to have a successful career, or make a lot of money, we pray that our children will grow up to give themselves over to God in whatever arena He asks them to serve. As God makes His plan clear to our children, we will do our best to equip them to follow His will.

Our family has been blessed beyond measure by our decision to homeschool. Our relationships are closer, deeper and more meaningful because we spend so much time together. Our children are more obedient now because we’ve had the time to faithfully train them. Our life, while still busy, is now more flexible because we are not at the mercy of an institution’s schedule. Our children are happier, more contented and more confident without the constant crushing of their spirits by other children’s cruelty and spitefulness. Does homeschooling make family life suddenly perfect and without conflict? Of course not…it would be ridiculous to expect that. It does, however, give us the tools and relationships to deal with whatever arises in our home.

I will be forever grateful that the Lord led us to homeschooling, in spite of our strong resistance to the idea. He knew what was best for our children, and for our family, and has bountifully provided all that we’ve needed to prosper as a homeschooling family. I know that when our children were involved in the public school system, I felt threatened and judged by our many homeschooling friends. I felt that they looked down on us for choosing public school and deemed us “lesser” parents for our choice. I resented their judgment and did not listen to what they had to share. I now know that I was mistaken, and that I misjudged them, as well. I took their intent to be judgment, when instead they just wished to share the glorious blessings they had found by entering into homeschooling. They were passionately in love with the path God had set them on and wanted us to share in it, too. Now that I am on the other side of the fence, so to speak, I understand their heart. I, too, have been falsely deemed “judgmental”, when all I wanted to do was share my heart. My prayer is that we will all be open to God’s calling for our children, wherever it may lead us, and that we will listen to each other with open hearts, instead of defensiveness and anger. For those of you reading this, please know that my intent here is to simply share why WE have chosen to homeschool and how much it has blessed our family. It is in no way a judgment or condemnation of your choices. God has entrusted your children to YOU, not to me, to decide what is best for them. My earnest prayer for you is that you will passionately seek His will for your children and be open to His leading…for He alone knows exactly what they need.

Becoming a Parent Who Prays - Praying for Our Children Part I

2010-06-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

This summer, I am spending a lot of time studying the idea of being a parent who prays. My mother and I are teaching a class at church for mothers and grandmothers who desire to learn more about how to pray effectively for the children they love. As usual, we are the ones who are learning the most! My next few posts will be from materials put together as we teach this class…I pray it will be an encouragement to you and that it will inspire you to pray fervently for your children.

The first thing to understand is what God says about prayer. There are many verses in the Bible about prayer, which teach us how to pray, what to pray for, etc. He tells us to pray without ceasing (I Thess. 5:17), to not give up (Luke 18:1), and that nothing is impossible for Him (Luke 1:37). He also tells us that we have a helper to intercede for us (the Holy Spirit) when we are so upset or confused that we don’t even know what to pray. He gives us an example in Samuel, the Old Testament Prophet, who tells the people of Israel that it is actually a sin NOT to pray (I Samuel 12:23-24). My favorite hidden treasure that was uncovered in my studying, however, was the fact that God says He will answer even BEFORE we finish speaking (Isaiah 65:24). What a comfort to know that God is listening, He knows our needs even before we finish telling Him, and that He even helps us to be able to pray in our time of need.

So why is it important to pray for our children? If God knows what they need anyway, why does it matter whether or not we pray for them? I believe it does, indeed, matter. In fact, I would venture to say that it is our most effective parenting tool. I don’t know about you, but I can readily admit that I am not capable of being the perfect parent. I make mistakes, I lose my temper, I make wrong decisions all the time. The good news? There is a perfect parent who is waiting for us to ask for help, and when we ask, He promises He will answer. Instead of turning to the latest parenting “experts” (whose advice seems to change every few years!), we can turn to the real expert…the One who created our precious children and knows them better than we do. When we are struggling to figure out their behavior, or what makes them act the way they do, He already knows. And He is more than willing to guide us in our parenting…all we need to do is ask.

I also believe it is important to pray for our children because our prayers unleash the power of God in our children’s lives. When we are willing to admit our helplessness, we are becoming the vessel through which God’s power can act. It is a stepping out of the way so that God can work. Instead of blocking His power with our stubbornness or pride, we can humble ourselves and let His power and wisdom have their way in our children, and the results will be beautiful. How could we possibly know better than the very God who made every aspect of their character?

Another benefit of praying for our children is the effect our prayers have on Satan. If we are protecting our children in prayer, his power over their lives is lessened. By putting up this shield around them, we are freeing them to be able to make right choices and follow God’s will for their lives. We should remember that when we are praying for our children, we are actually doing battle for their very lives. Satan has determined to see them fail. He wants desperately to devour our children and keep their hearts from God. Don’t ever be fooled into thinking that your prayers are insignificant. While God has a good and perfect plan for your child’s life, Satan has an evil and devastating plan for them. Your prayers may be the weapon that keeps Satan from having his way with your child…what could be more motivating than that?

One of the beautiful blessings of being a praying parent is that God will also fill our hearts with peace as we trust His path for our children. We will be freed from the anxiety and unrest that comes with trying to control the lives of our children and keep them from all harm. Whenever I find myself worrying about a specific aspect of my child’s life (such as their health, or who they will marry), I remind myself that God already has it all worked out and that He loves them…even more than I do. What could be more reassuring than that?

The Gift of Motherhood

2010-05-08T19:59:00.001-07:00

When my husband and I first married, we dreamed about what our family would look like someday. We’d talk of little girls to dress in pink, and boys to dress in blue. We agreed that two would be nice, a boy and a girl, or just maybe three…we’d have to see. We decided that in three to five years we’d be ready to start this family that we dreamed of…of course, I meant three years and my husband meant five. When three years rolled around, I decided I was ready to take this next step in our lives and start a family. I talked to my husband and was surprised to find out that he had really meant five years…I couldn’t believe he wasn’t as ready as I was to begin this new journey. So we waited, and we prayed, and we discussed what having a baby would mean to us. And then, one day, while we were on a vacation touring the East Coast, he gave me a card and said…”I’m ready”. My heart was overjoyed, and I immediately began making plans. I couldn’t wait until the day that we found out our wish had come true.

So we waited, and we prayed, and we discussed all the ins and outs of adding a baby to our family. And then we waited some more. And some more. And some more. Suddenly, this dream of having a family seemed a little farther out of reach. I began to cry, every month, when our dream didn’t happen. And I began to resent the hurtful questions thrown at me every time we went to church. “When are you guys going to start a family?” “Hey, you’re getting behind…your brother already has two…Don’t you want to have a baby?” As I pretended to not care, my heart was breaking. My whole life I had dreamed of being a mother. I decided not to go to medical school because I wanted to be a mom. Suddenly, I began to wonder, “Who will I be if I can’t be a mother? It’s all I want…I don’t dream anymore of a big career. I just want a baby to love and raise.” The months went by and nothing happened. Finally, the doctor I was seeing agreed to help us (their policy was you had to wait a whole year before they would intervene). After several more months of treatment, and several more negative pregnancy tests that absolutely broke my heart, and after switching to a much more compassionate doctor, we received the news that, at long last, we were expecting.

The joy that filled my heart was indescribable. I walked around in a daze for several weeks, in absolute disbelief that God had answered our prayers. I remember thanking God over and over again, delighted that we would finally have our family. As the months passed and my belly grew, I laughed in delight at the miracle inside me. And when that amazing day finally came, and my sweet little daughter was placed in my arms, I was absolutely overcome with gratitude toward the God who had allowed me to become a mother. I knew without a doubt, this was the best gift in the world, and I was ready to give everything I had to protect and cherish this tiny little girl named Molly.

I didn’t know if we would ever be able to have another child, but God was gracious to us. Almost four years later, He blessed us with a son, and two years after that, He blessed us again with another daughter. I look at my precious children and I am so thankful. I can’t imagine my life without any of them. Our children are a priceless gift from the Lord and we are humbled that He chose us to raise them.

When I look around at our society, and I see babies discarded as unwanted trash, and children being treated with harshness and impatience by their mothers, my heart grieves. I believe that God views children as a blessing, and we often receive them as a curse. He intended for us to love and cherish these precious little ones, and to honor the role of motherhood. Instead, our society has deceived us into believing that we should value careers and money and possessions over the noble calling of motherhood. We’ve devalued something that God says is beautiful, and elevated worthless things in its place. What a shame…I wonder sometimes what blessings we’ve missed out on because of these choices.

So, this Mother’s Day, I will hold my head high and be proud of the role I have chosen. I will look at my most precious gifts (named Molly, Noah and Lexi), and I will thank my Heavenly Father from the bottom of my heart for the incredible privilege of being their mom. I will also thank Him for the lovely lady that I call “Mom”, and for all that she has taught me about being a godly mother who delights in her children. And I will do my very best to teach my children to embrace God’s view of babies and motherhood and pray that someday, they, too, will accept with joy God’s calling to be parents.

Amazing Love

2010-04-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

I grew up with a mom and dad who loved me very much. I never doubted their love, yet I don’t think I really understood the depths of that love until one very specific moment. I remember sitting on the couch with my mother, holding my precious newborn daughter. We were doing all the things you do with your newborn baby…examining her tiny little toes and fingers, rubbing her soft little head and gazing at this miracle that God had given to me. All of a sudden, an overwhelming wave of love swept over me and I was absolutely consumed with the knowledge that I would do anything to protect this tiny little bundle in my arms. I began to weep, and I looked at my sweet mother and said, “You really love me, don’t you?” All at once, as I experienced this amazing love for my new daughter, I completely understood how my mother feels about me. It was a defining moment in my life.

As I grew into my role as a mother and experienced that mother-love for the first time (and then for a second and third time as well), I began to understand something else. It was as if a veil was lifted and suddenly I could see that the all-consuming love I felt for my baby is but a dim reflection of how God feels about me. Now I grew up in church and always knew that “God so loved the world”, but this was different. This was personal…this was knowing that God looks at me the way I look at my children. He rejoices when I learn something new. He grieves when I make bad choices. He covers me with His love and protection and forgives me over and over and over again.

This weekend we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior. We celebrate that Jesus has freed us from the power of sin and given us the hope of eternal life in heaven. None of this would have happened if it hadn’t been for the amazing love of a Father who was willing to sacrifice his precious only son…for me. Long before I was even born, God knew that I would be. He knew the color of my hair, the shape of my face, the quirks of my personality. He loved me so much that He made a plan to save me and bring me into a relationship with Him, even though it cost Him everything. He loves me…He really loves me.

And if that isn’t overwhelming enough, then I think about Jesus. He, too, was willing to sacrifice everything—even his very life—for me. He let people beat him, curse him, mock him and nail him to a cross. Worst of all, he suffered the unimaginable pain of separation from his Father, bearing my sins so that I could be forgiven. Understanding that kind of love is a humbling experience…it brings me to my knees as I realize the depth of his love for me.

This Easter, I am grateful. I am grateful that God is not an impersonal God, but one who loves me with an all-consuming love. As we celebrate Jesus’ resurrection on Sunday, my heart will be overwhelmed by the awesome and amazing love of my Savior…in the words of Charles Wesley in a beautiful old hymn “Amazing love, how can it be, that thou my God should die for me?” I will marvel at the agony of the cross, the three days of despair, and finally, in the glory of the resurrection…He is risen indeed.

Too Small Shoes

2010-03-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the misfortune of a pair of shoes that just doesn’t fit? They pinch, they poke, they rub in all the wrong places. You may like the way they look with that certain outfit, but somehow, they just don’t feel right. No matter how many times you wear them, hoping to “break them in”, they just never acquire that feeling of comfort that makes them a favorite. Lately, I’ve been feeling this way…but it has nothing to do with shoes.

Right now it seems that no matter which way I turn, something is chafing at my spirit. I’ve been facing conflict in relationships, health problems for me and my family, and just plain feeling like I don’t belong. The more I come to know what God wants for me and my family, the stronger that feeling becomes. The more convicted we become about how to raise our children (differently from what the world views as “normal”), the more “flack” we take from others. The firmer the stand we take, the more people want to convince us that we are wrong. We make choices that apply only to our family, yet suddenly we’re viewed as “judgmental” by outsiders. We’re accused of things we haven’t done, blamed for things that are not our doing. And suddenly I feel far less comfortable in this world I live in than ever before.

I’ve been pondering this quite a bit…why does the world seem so much stranger to me now? Why do I feel like an outsider in settings that were previously very comfortable? I’ve come to a conclusion…these shoes no longer fit, nor are they supposed to fit. As Jesus said in John 15:9, “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” I am not supposed to be comfortable here because this is NOT my home. And the more I grow to understand and reflect the Father’s heart, the less comfortable I will be and quite possibly, the more I will suffer. As I watch my children grow spiritually, I will also watch them suffer the injustice and cruelty of this world…and that hurts even more. My comfort lies in knowing that they are in God’s loving hands, and that He is preparing them for something that matters much more than anything they can find in this world. He is molding and shaping them to be ready for their eternal home in heaven. And there, we will finally feel at home.

Living here on earth is like having your feet crammed into too small shoes. You begin to ache for the moment you can shed that painful footwear and bask in the pleasure of running barefoot through the grass. Ah, what a wonderful feeling that will be.

What Are You Feeding Your "Teenager"?

2010-02-08T18:05:00.000-08:00

I see a lot of articles in the newspaper these days about teenagers and their diet. There are articles decrying their lack of nutrition, citing fast food lunches and hurried dinners and numerous sugary soft drinks consumed during the day. There are articles about childhood obesity, as well as those about eating disorders. While these are very important issues facing American adolescents today, there is another issue that I feel is even more critical. We may be failing our teens in what we are feeding them physically, but I have to wonder, what are feeding them spiritually?

When I enter a bookstore or library and browse the Teen/Young Adult section, I see one predominant theme…darkness. I see books about vampires, werewolves and other creatures of the night. I see books about teen sexuality and suicide. When I open the newspaper and see the movies that are being marketed to our adolescents, I see more of the same. When visiting the videogame section, I see titles full of violence and sex, marketed as fun and games. If I dare to turn on the television during prime time (which I rarely do!), there are TV shows full of teens in immoral relationships, drinking and making foolish choices. And we wonder why the teen pregnancy rate is so high, or why so many teens commit suicide each year, or why so many are killed in drunk driving accidents.

Did you know that the word teenager has only truly been in use since just after World War II? Before that time, there were two classes of people—adults, and children. You were either one or the other. When you were no longer a child, you were an adult (a young one, no doubt, but still an adult). When you were a child, you were being trained to be one thing…an adult, capable of providing for a family or running a home. There was no such thing as the long years of adolescence (which social scientists now say are sometimes lasting even into the 30’s), where you weren’t expected to be productive or make wise choices. Young people did not spend hours playing violent games or reading material containing dark and ungodly images. Instead, they worked, studied and were taught by their parents how to become adults. Of course, they had fun, too, but fun was not their primary reason for living.

In our house, we try to raise young adults, and not teenagers. While many look on us as odd, or overprotective, you will not find the latest vampire books being consumed in our house, nor will we be attending the latest teen culture movies. We also try to avoid treating our children as “teenagers”. Our oldest child, our sixteen-year old daughter, refers to herself as a young adult. She has a job, works hard at her studies, and plans for her future…as an adult. She helps me around the house and chooses carefully what reading material and movies she places in her mind. We try to give her a steady diet of Christian worldview, godly influence (by godly people, mostly adults) and to teach her what she needs to know to be an adult who can have great influence for Christ.

What are you feeding the children in your house? Are you carefully choosing what goes into their hearts and their minds? Are you giving them deep spiritual truths to sustain them as they become adults? Are you growing young adults…or just teenagers?

It's Time for a Vacation!

2010-01-30T08:43:00.000-08:00

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about vacations. Maybe it’s the cold, gloomy weather or the long stretch until spring arrives. Maybe it’s that I’m looking at my children growing up before my eyes and wondering how many more family trips we’ll manage before our oldest flies out of the nest. Possibly it’s the incredible Christmas gift given to me by my awesome husband, who sorted, edited, printed and placed into beautiful albums ten years of family photos, which included many pictures of fun family trips. Whatever the reason, vacation is on my brain. I’m longing for sand, palm trees and sunshine and time away from the hectic freeway that we call life in the Metzger household.

Vacations are something that I hold very dear. I grew up with a father who placed paramount importance on taking his family to different places to enjoy time together “away from it all”. While we did not have a great deal of money, somehow he always managed to make it happen for us. Our trips weren’t always glamorous, but they were definitely memorable. They usually involved a road trip, a cabin and lots of time spent playing games, swimming and exploring new places. I remember trips to places such as Hard Labor Creek, Georgia (my favorite, believe it or not!); Branson, Missouri; DisneyWorld; Cape Cod; Yellowstone National Park; and many places up and down the East Coast (during the 3 years we lived in Connecticut). We saw historical monuments, beautiful scenery and man-made theme parks. Often we went with dear friends; sometimes it was just the four of us. The one thing that these trips all had in common was this: uninterrupted togetherness. We played together, laughed together, ate together and explored together. These times are some of my most treasured memories of my childhood and the end result of these trips (whether to places near or far) was a family closeness that I now know was far from ordinary.

When my husband and I first started a family, one of the things we agreed upon early on was that we wanted to make vacations a priority. It was worth sacrificing other things to make sure that we made these family times happen and happen as often as possible. We’ve taken our children to places such as California, Florida, Arizona, and even Hawaii (which definitely required the saving of our pennies!) and once or twice even “vacationed at home” when money was tight. It thrills my heart to hear my children relate stories of our various trips, usually predicated by “Remember when…?” While sitting at lunch with my kids the other day, we began the game of “remember when?” They reminisced about trips to Legoland and Disneyland, climbing rocks in Arches National Park, sunny afternoons on the beaches of Kauai, and even the not-so-wonderful-but-definitely-memorable trip to California that ended up with Noah in the hospital with a severe asthma attack. They laughed and told story after story and I felt my heart swell with mixed emotions. It brought me so much joy to hear their special memories and so much sadness to feel the end of such times drawing near. I made sure to impart the hope that they would continue such traditions with their own children someday.

What makes these times so special? Is it the location, or the lodging, or even the amount of money spent? I don’t think so. While we’ve been blessed to take some pretty nice trips with our kids, I know that what really counts here is the uninterrupted family time. It is so wonderful to be away from the ringing telephone, the demanding schedules and the constant distraction from what is important. To have an entire block of time where your only commitment is to spend time enjoying each other is a slice of heaven (well, most of the time anyway!). Conversations are held that might not happen at home. Silliness and laughter occur and siblings discover the joy of playing with each other and with Mom and Dad. Kids are given undivided attention and love, which they all crave so desperately. Dad is able to disconnect from work worries and just play. Mom can leave behind the mountains of laundry and household tasks that demand her attention at home. In our overscheduled and hectic lives, family vacations may not be a luxury, but a necessity. It seems we’ve forgotten how to enjoy each other. My son recently overheard a conversation in a store where one woman said to another, “How can you stand to take a vacation with your family every year? That would be terrible!” The other woman replied, “Yeah, it’s really hard, but we live through it.” How sad is it that we view family vacation as something to “live through” instead of enjoy?

In our house, vacations are long-anticipated and oft-remembered. I pray that when my children are grown and have families of their own that they will make family vacations a priority, too. The benefits of this time together will far outweigh the sacrifices necessary to make a vacation possible. It isn’t about money…it’s about time. So now, please excuse me…I think I’ll go work on planning our next vacation.

Simple, But Profound

2010-01-23T16:13:00.000-08:00

I am not big on New Year’s Resolutions. There have been many years that I have vowed to lose weight, exercise more, or get up earlier, and by the end of January, I have already failed at those resolutions. This year, however, I have one resolution that I feel that God has given me to work on. It’s simple, but profound. A few months ago, I was struck by a verse in I Thessalonians 5:20-21: “Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.” As I pondered this verse, I thought about what that meant in my everyday life. It means I should carefully think about everything that I do, and everything that I choose to bring into my home to see if it meets God’s standards. If it does, then I should hold on tightly. If it doesn’t, I should flee from that thing. So what is my simple but profound resolution? It can be summed up in one word: THINK.

I have lately been convicted that what ails us most as Christians and as Christian families is that we fail to think…we just aimlessly follow whatever the world throws at us and never pause to consider the impact those choices might have on our families or on others around us. The latest movie craze? We’re there, buying tickets with everyone else, no matter what the topic. After all, the effects are great, the stars are unbelievable and everybody else is watching, so why not? The hottest books? We’re pre-ordering with the best of them, anxiously awaiting a story to draw us in and help us to escape the real world for a few hours. The latest fashions? We let our daughters wear them without concern for how the boys are viewing them and treating them as a result. In fact, maybe we’re even wearing them ourselves, whether or not they are modest…after all, they make us look good, right? How about the latest video game? Okay, so it’s rated “T” or “M” for violence and gore, but it’s not real, right? It won’t hurt that little boy who is watching over your shoulder, will it?

I recently had someone ask me in deep anguish over a hurt inflicted by the choices of other Christians, “Are Christians just lemmings who don’t think things through?” This echoed in my brain and my heart over the next few days as I wrestled with her question. I desperately don’t want this to be true in my own life. I want to grab hold of that verse in I Thessalonians and be able to say that I used wisdom and discernment instead of blindly following the world over the cliff of destruction. Even more, I want to know that I made wise choices where my children are concerned, and that I didn’t lead THEM into a life of sin and bad choices. So my goal for this next year is this: I want to think carefully about what we choose to participate in, whether it is movies or books or video games, how we dress or how we talk or even how we treat other people. I don’t want to just “follow the crowd” but instead I want to follow my Lord. I want to listen carefully to his voice and choose the paths that will lead my children to purity and peace.

Over the last few years, God has slowly brought us to a place where we have realized that some of our choices needed to change. We no longer watch many movies that we would have watched a few years ago. We have cleaned books out of our bookshelves, realizing that they are inappropriate reading material for Christians and a bad example for our children. We guard our family time much more carefully and are very purposeful about spiritually training our children. We watch little to no television in our house and refuse to have cable because of the vast amount of ungodly and inappropriate matter offered up for viewing even to young children. We have tried to replace worldly movies and shows with more wholesome viewing matter, especially movies that have a message that we can discuss with our children. We have tried to discuss worldview a great deal with our children, so they are aware that everything they read or watch has a worldview and an influence on their thinking. We use the newspaper to help them recognize hidden agendas and worldviews that are opposed to a biblical worldview.

Have we arrived? Unfortunately, no…we have a long way to go. I’m certain God has only begun to make us aware of the things we need to change. But the more we ask for His wisdom and discernment, the more He provides and the more our eyes are opened. It isn’t easy, by any means, for our family’s choices have sometimes made us unpopular or misunderstood and have even been viewed as judgmental. It’s sometimes hard to give up books or movies that I previously loved, and to admit that maybe I was deceived. It’s difficult to look back and feel ashamed of choices that I made, knowing that they may have had an impact on my children, or on others around me. But when we humbly repent and ask God to change us, He does. And the fruit of an undivided heart is beautiful indeed.

I don’t write this blog to condemn anyone reading it or to point fingers at anyone and make them feel guilty. My only intent is to share what God has placed on my heart this year and to hope to inspire you to join with me in my new resolve: to THINK before I accept anything into my heart or my home. Is it something that is wholesome and good? Then let’s grab hold with both hands and never let go. Is it harmful, or even just questionable? Then let’s turn our backs and refuse to take part. Just imagine the impact we could have on our children, our homes and our world if we just took this seriously…it’s simple, but profound.

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” I Thessalonians 5:23

“To live as though we had all the same values as the world would betray [Jesus]” –John Piper

Worldview Everywhere

2010-01-15T18:20:00.000-08:00

The following blog was written by my ten-year-old daughter, Lexi...

Recently, I was watching a movie called, “Barbie and the Three Musketeers.” It’s all about how these four girls want to be musketeers. Everyone doubts they can do it. They believe they can because they think females have just as much power as males. However, the Bible says that men should be the head of the household. In the movie, there’s a plot to kill the prince. In the end, they’re out on the roof battling. The prince has no weapons when being attacked. Just then, the girl comes out and finishes off the bad guy. She defends the prince, who is just standing there, completely defenseless.

Many girls out there are watching this movie thinking they can dominate. SO many girls grow up and get married, still thinking they can take control. This could lead to a relationship when both husband and wife are controlling. I’m afraid to say that there is worldview everywhere. These movies are meant for younger girls. Most of these young girls are quite impressionable. I’m not saying all movies are bad, I’m just saying be careful. There can be worldview anywhere, even where you least expect it.

Just Like Mary

2009-12-20T12:15:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I watched my son undergo a procedure to biopsy his esophagus, stomach and upper intestines. Noah has been suffering for months from various physical ailments including gastrointestinal problems, headaches, insomnia, pain and a failure to gain weight. In the past week, he has endured three doctor visits, allergy testing, a biopsy and a great deal of pain and suffering. As I have walked through this with my son, my heart has suffered right along with him. As I stood beside his hospital bed and held his hand and talked him through an IV (he is NOT fond of needles!), my heart broke for him. I wanted to pull him out of that bed and beg them to take me instead. The pain in his eyes as he bravely endured all they put him through was almost more than I could bear. To hear him politely thank the people who were causing him pain made my heart swell with pride in him. To see his body lying unmoving on that bed after the procedure was over terrified me. I reached down and stroked his head and kissed his cheek, but he didn’t even stir. I looked up at the nurse in panic, and she calmly said, “He’s fine, just sleepy.” I wanted to say, “But are you SURE?” His beautiful dark lashes didn’t even flutter and he looked so very young and pale against his pillow. I wanted to gather him in my arms and hold him, even though he has long been too big for that.

As I watched him go through this experience that I longed to spare him from, I thought of another mother destined to watch her son suffer. I pictured this young woman, giving birth to a very special baby, in the very worst of circumstances. I imagined her wishing she was bringing him into the world with her mother’s assistance, in a clean and private room with everything she needed close by. I thought of her rocking him gently, holding him close and whispering of the future she envisioned for him. I wondered, “Did she know what was in store for her very special son?” Obviously, she knew that he was destined for big things…being the Son of God would seem to guarantee that. But did she know the pain and suffering that would be his? I think God must have spared her from knowing too much too soon. If not, how could she ever have survived? How could she have felt joy in his birth or in his growing up years? I believe God must have been merciful to her and not revealed all that her son would experience.

I imagined this same mother, thirty-three years later, watching her darling baby boy be mocked and reviled and then hung on a cross to die a horrible death. Her heart must have broken in two as she witnessed his unspeakable suffering. Surely she longed to take his place, to spare him from his pain. I’m certain her mother’s heart cried out to the God she loved, asking Him to take this anguish from her beloved son, to save him from this terrible fate. My heart aches for her, as I imagine her watching the son she cherished breathe his last breath. How did she ever endure such a thing?

There is one thing I know for certain--she could only have endured it by trusting in the Father who gave him to her in the first place. Even though she couldn’t possibly understand what God was doing, she believed. She believed that He loved her, and that He loved their son. She believed that He had a plan, and that it was good and right and just. How tenaciously she must have clung to that belief as she watched the drops of blood and sweat pour from the one she loved with all of her being. How doggedly she must have grasped that belief with all of her might while her son lay in his grave. How she must have rejoiced when she saw him again, and came to understand that God’s plan was indeed good and right and just.

All of this flashed through my mind yesterday as I stood beside the hospital bed of my sleeping son. Although I do not know why my son must suffer, I too, must believe that God has a plan for him. I must believe that the God who made him loves him even more than I do, and that He knows what is best and will bring good out of his suffering. He alone knows what Noah’s future holds and I must release him into the hands of Him who determines that future. While I will never be able to watch my beloved son suffer without my heart breaking, the best gift I can give him is to cling tenaciously to what I know to be right and true, and to teach him to do the same…just like Mary.

The Passing of the Torch

2009-11-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions for me. There was much joy as we celebrated Thanksgiving with my parents and some friends, giving thanks for all that God has done for us. We laughed and feasted, shared what we were thankful for, and watched the children play games and have fun together. Underlying the joy, however, was a bit of sadness as well. As I pulled out my grandmother’s china, an ache filled my heart. I remembered the many, many holidays celebrated at her house in Tulsa, eating off these same beautiful plates. I remembered her sweet, servant hands cooking and serving an amazing meal and making it look so easy. I remembered our special relationship and how very much she meant to me, and I missed her deeply.

It was also the first time I was in charge of the turkey. After almost twenty-one years of marriage, believe it or not, I had never really cooked the turkey. We were always either at one of our grandparents’ or parents’ houses, or visiting a sibling out of state. Even the very few years we were at our own house, my mom and dad usually handled the turkey. Yesterday morning, as I wrestled a stubborn and slippery 17-lb. turkey and thought, “I sure hope this turns out!”, I felt as if a torch had been passed. As I picked up the phone (several times!) to call my mother for advice, the thought occurred to me, “How will I do this without her advice when she is gone?” Again, my heart ached. As my mom and I discussed this, I learned that she, too, was feeling these things. She confessed that she felt the same way when my grandmother died. She had become accustomed to having her sweet mother-in-law on the other end of the phone, lovingly dispensing advice for these big occasions, and she missed her.

Then, as my oldest daughter joined me in the kitchen as I cooked up the Thanksgiving feast, she sadly said, “I only have two more Thanksgivings at home after this one.” My mind flashed ahead and I pictured being at home, alone, cooking the Thanksgiving meal and waiting for my children to arrive. I imagined being the one who was supposed to have all the answers, without my mother to turn to for advice. I imagined Molly cooking her own Thanksgiving feast and calling me on the phone to find out how to cook the turkey. All of a sudden, I could see the swift progression of time and the continual passing of the torch from one generation to the next.

In our Thanksgiving devotional, my husband shared about our goal of teaching our children to love and serve God, and then teaching them to teach their children. In this quiet way, we can profoundly impact our world. It is a passing of the baton of faith, from one generation to the next. We are deeply convicted that we must have a multi-generational vision of training up our families. We must be praying, not only for our children, but for our future grandchildren and great-grandchildren . In the same way that my mother learned to cook a Thanksgiving feast from her mother and mother-in-law, and then taught me to do the same, we must be passing on the tenets of our faith to our children, and instilling in them the desire to do the same with their own children.

As I looked around at the faces of my family at our Thanksgiving table, I breathed a silent prayer. I prayed for many more years of enjoying my mother’s teaching and to savor every moment of time that God has given me with her, learning from a woman who is the embodiment of a gentle and quiet spirit. I prayed for my children, that they would grow up to love and serve their Heavenly Father and raise their children to do the same. I prayed for my husband, and thanked God for his spiritual leadership. And, lastly, I thanked my Lord for so graciously giving me these precious souls to cherish and asked that He help me to be ready to face this coming passing of the torch.

When Firsts Become Lasts

2009-11-21T10:28:00.000-08:00

Being a mother entails being the keeper of many “firsts”. Ask any young mother when their baby got their first tooth, and you will likely get a rapid response. On the contrary, ask a father, and he will likely answer, “The baby has a tooth?” For some reason, God has made mothers the keepers of such memories. We notice every first our children accomplish, from their first steps to the time they read those first few words from a book. Many of us faithfully record these instances in baby books and scrapbooks, preserving the memories for the future (at least until we have more than two children…then our scrapbooking efforts often get a little sketchy!).

I’ve noticed, however, that the “lasts” tend to pass by unnoticed. One day, we realize that no one has asked us to tie a shoe for them. No one has asked us to read a bedtime story or dress a doll for them or place a Band-Aid on a wound. In what seems like the blink of an eye, we’ve gone from providing for every need to occasionally assisting. And, in the hustle and scurry of everyday life with children, those “lasts” have slipped by without us recognizing them. I have to confess, this makes my heart sad until I remember that this is God’s design: we are given a tiny little being to mold and shape and love and nurture into an independent, God-fearing adult. If we have done our job well, we will reap a harvest of blessings in watching our children serve and love the Lord as independent adults.

I am starting to feel like I am entering that season of lasts. My oldest daughter is a sophomore. She is driving, has a job and is starting to think about college. We are working on a high school transcript, figuring out when to take the PSAT and SAT, and beginning to talk about college and future plans. While I share her excitement as she figures out where God is leading her, my mother’s heart also aches at the coming changes. Today, I am helping her get ready for her first formal dance, a Civil War Ball that she is attending with her father. As I hem up her hoop skirt and help her choose a hairstyle and paint her nails, I wonder…is this the last time she will ask for my help in such matters? As I watch her learn to be more and more independent, my emotions are a jumble. I am thrilled with her maturity and her growing wisdom. I love that she is so capable…she can clean, cook, sew, take care of children and she loves God more than anything. Yet at the same time, I see that serious little brown-eyed girl who followed me around with endless questions and I miss her. We’ve already passed so many “lasts”…how many of them did I even notice?

So, if you are a young mother, overwhelmed by the daily tasks of bathing, diapering and feeding your young, please listen. While the days seem long now, I promise you the years will fly by at an unbelievable pace. After years of “firsts”, you will suddenly find yourself grieving the “lasts”. Take the time to enjoy them…enjoy the funny things they do that make you laugh. Treasure every time they crawl up into your lap with a book for you to read. Soak in every moment of quiet conversation at their bedside as they ask you the questions of their hearts. Listen to just one more question when you are weary to the bone. Give an extra hug or a kiss and store up those precious moments in your heart. For all those “firsts” will all too soon turn into “lasts”.

The days they crawl, the years they fly
As one by one, they pass me by.
Some days are years, but years are days
As they grow up beneath my gaze.

Just yesterday they were so small
How can it be they’re now so tall?
They used to cuddle on my knee,
And now it is their eyes I see.

Sometimes I worry, fret and pray,
I wonder what to do and say.
The days with them are precious few,
The years with them are precious, too.

Will they be ready on that day
When far from me, they fly away?
Will I have trained them, taught and shown
Enough to help them when they’re grown?

It matters not what they become
As long as they don’t wander from
The One who made them, and loves them best
Who gives them love, joy, peace and rest.

If they grow up to serve him well
As only time and God can tell
I’ll know that I have finished strong
The job that seemed so short, so long.

--Wendy Metzger

Consent Of The Governed: Carnival of Homeschooling - 200th Edition - Party On!

2009-10-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Consent Of The Governed: Carnival of Homeschooling - 200th Edition - Party On!

The "Balloon Boy" Hoax

2009-10-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

Our beloved town of Fort Collins made world-wide news this week. We were spending a peaceful afternoon at home when the phone rang. My mom was calling to ask if we were watching the news, as there was a breaking story involving a family from our town. We quickly tuned in to hear that an experimental balloon-type aircraft had been accidentally released from a home in Fort Collins, and that the family’s six-year-old son was believed to be on board. The aircraft traveled about 50 miles from their home, and was believed to be capable of reaching 10,000 feet of altitude. We watched with anxious hearts throughout the afternoon as rescuers tried to find a way to reach the balloon and save the boy. We prayed continually and fervently for this child’s safety, and for the parents who were undergoing such a traumatic event. Several hours later, the balloon deflated and landed in a field. When rescuers cut open the aircraft, no boy was found. Our hearts fell as they speculated on when and if the boy could have fallen out of the craft, or if he could possibly have escaped alive. My mother’s heart was stricken at the thought of this family losing their youngest son in such a terrible way. I couldn’t escape the images in my mind of this poor little boy falling from a great altitude to his death, especially after a news report claimed that someone had seen something falling from the craft.

Some time later that afternoon, the local sheriff announced that the boy had been found, safe and sound, hiding in the family’s attic. The media immediately pounced, asking the sheriff if this had been a hoax. Stories began circulating about this family, and about their previous media experiences. Clips were shown of this family participating in a TV reality show called “Wife Swap”, showing their children as ill-behaved and rambunctious. It was released that 911 calls had been previously made from this home involving domestic disturbances. Tales were told of this family’s “storm-chasing” experiences, and how they had taken their children directly into the path of danger.

At first I felt angry at the media for attacking this family without any proof of wrong-doing. The relief was so strong that this child was unharmed that I couldn’t (or didn’t want to) believe this family would put people through such an experience. As more time went on, however, it came out that this was indeed an elaborate hoax, staged by the family in hopes of gaining a contract for a reality television show. This hoax was uncovered by a slip of the tongue of the boy while being interviewed on television (he said, “we did this for a show”).

I have to say, I am appalled. These parents callously used their six-year-old son in an effort to gain publicity for themselves. They put a great number of police officers in a very stressful situation and wasted a lot of taxpayer money in a fruitless search and rescue operation. They disregarded the anguish every parent in Fort Collins felt as they watched this story unfold. They are now almost certainly going to be charged with at least two misdemeanors and two felonies for their reckless scheme. In my opinion, however, their worst crime is one that won’t bring any arrest or fine. The choice they made that tears my heart out is this: They willfully taught this little boy that it is okay to lie to get what you want. The consequences of this action will reap terrible fruit. This boy will grow up to believe that it is acceptable to manipulate people, distort the truth and do whatever it takes to get what he desires. To me, this is the ultimate tragedy in this terrible story.

So, what can we learn from this? It’s easy to point fingers and be appalled at this family and their choices, but what does it have to teach us about parenting? To me, the lesson to be learned can be summed up in this: We need to teach our children to love truth. God makes it very clear in His word that He hates lying tongues (see Proverbs 6:16-19). We need to make teaching our children truthfulness a top priority. Telling lies, exaggerating for effect, “stretching the truth” are not harmless activities. Each lie or perversion of the truth leads to more lies and culminates in a character that is dishonoring to God. As we watch the news stories about this family, let’s examine our own hearts and our children’s character and see if we, too, are guilty of teaching our children to be untruthful, whether by words or example. Let’s resolve to stand on the Truth that is found only in God’s word and to raise children who are passionately committed to Him. It’s the only way we will raise children who can change the world…and I, for one, don’t care to live in a world where parents use their children to gain fame and fortune for themselves.

Stealing Lexi's Hope

2009-10-01T18:04:00.001-07:00

This summer, my youngest daughter participated in a two-week drama intensive camp. They met from 9 am to 5 pm each day, learning singing, acting and dancing skills, as well as rehearsing a Junior Broadway production of “Annie”, which they performed in two shows at a local theater. Lexi has long held a love for acting, singing and dancing, so this was a wonderful opportunity for her. She talked about it for weeks and was so excited when the first day finally arrived. She and I drove to the studio on the first morning, and as we walked in, I felt her excitement turn to apprehension. It quickly became apparent that almost all of these kids knew each other, and had acted with this theater group before. They loudly and wildly greeted each other, ignoring this tiny blonde newcomer. She clung to my hand, which Lexi almost never does, and I could tell that she was reluctant for me to leave. I, too, was having a hard time leaving, as this was really the first time I had turned her over to other people for any length of time (she has always been homeschooled) and it was very unusual for her to turn shy. She is my adventurous one, the one who makes friends quickly and has never looked back when you drop her off at dance class or Sunday school. Her out-of-character reluctance fed my own fears of leaving her with this group of strangers. I had grave misgivings as I finally left the building after the parents’ meeting. I confess, I cried all the way home.

On top of my anxiety about her sudden attack of shyness, I was worried about my daughter’s heart. I knew that they would be giving vocal and acting auditions this first day, and would learn their part by the end of that day’s camp. Lexi had very emphatically told me what part she wanted in the play…that of Lily St. Regis, the blonde bombshell scam artist who, along with her partner Rooster, tries to con Daddy Warbucks. She was most definitely not interested in being an orphan or even in the part of Annie, but had her very heart set on receiving this part. Being the practical and protective mom that I am, I tried to gently warn her that because she was the youngest age in the camp, and being especially tiny, she would probably not win an “adult” role, since they might not find it believable to have the role of Lily played by someone shorter than most of the orphans. I knew she had the ability to play any role in the play, but knew that physical appearance often plays a major role in determining who fits each character. She assured me that she could win it, and I again argued with her that it would be fun no matter which role she received and to not have her heart set on any particular role. I was so afraid that she would be disappointed, and pictured her tears upon receiving an “orphan” role. We discussed this many times over the days preceding her camp, and I tried in vain to dissuade her from expecting the part of Lily. The day of her audition, I was a nervous wreck. I kept picturing her sad little face as I left her at camp, and prayed continually for her audition and for her response when she found out what role she had been assigned.

Later that afternoon, as my son and I drove to pick her up, I worried out loud about how she was doing, and how she had handled the auditions and role assignments. Had she cried when I wasn’t there to comfort her? Was her heart broken? Had she made any friends at all in this group of kids who seemed to not even notice her? Upon arriving at the studio, we walked in to hear a conversation between one of the mothers and one of the women who worked there (who also had a child in the camp). The mother asked the camp worker how the kids had done when the parts were announced. The camp worker replied, “There were quite a few tears.” My heart twinged as the mother asked, “Was it mine?” The worker laughingly replied that it was mostly hers, who as an “experienced” camper expected to waltz in and get a leading role without much effort. She said that many of the kids who had participated before were surprised to be cast in smaller roles, thinking that they deserved all the best parts. Then she went on to say that there were a couple of new kids who had come in and wowed the judges with their auditions. She continued talking about one in particular, who she called this “tiny little blonde thing” who came in and asked to audition for Lily and then stunned the judges by reading the role with a hilarious Brooklyn accent. The worker said they were falling out of their seats laughing and knew immediately that she should have the part. Noah tugged on my sleeve and whispered, “It’s Lex, Mom”. My heart began to pound and I waited anxiously for Lexi to come out. As she entered the lobby where we were waiting, she looked downcast and wouldn’t meet my eyes. She said, “Let’s go, Mom.” I was pretty sure she was faking, but anxiously followed her to the car. She slowly buckled herself in and waited until I finally said, “Don’t keep me in suspense…I’ve been waiting all day!!!” She sighed deeply and said, “Well, I really had my heart set on the part of Lily…and THAT’S WHAT I GOT!” Then I asked her about her audition, and if she was the one who auditioned with a Brooklyn accent. She looked at me smugly and nodded with a grin. I asked her, “Do you even know where Brooklyn is?!” to which she shook her head “no”. I laughed and asked her how she knew what a Brooklyn accent sounded like. She answered, “I’ve seen the movie, Mom…I just pretended I was Kristin Chenoweth!”

Later, as I thought about this experience, I realized something. While my intentions were good (protecting my daughter’s heart), my actions were wrong. In trying to prevent the possibility of her pain, I was stealing her hope. Because I had experienced disappointment in similar circumstances as a child, I wanted to spare her. I knew the crushing disillusionment from a failed audition, and I did not want my precious little pixie to experience it. Instead of encouraging her to go for her dream, I wanted her to be “safe”. I thought if she had lower aspirations, it wouldn’t hurt as much if she failed, like I had. I loved drama growing up, but I was cursed with a sometimes paralyzing shyness when it came time to audition. The one time I valiantly overcame my fear and gave an awesome audition (my senior year), the director called me back for the lead role, but then gave it to the other girl (a junior) because she was reluctant to believe I could do it, since she hadn’t seen that in me the previous years. She told me that although I read the role better, and seniors usually got the lead, she wouldn’t give it to me. It absolutely broke my heart and that was the last time I acted.

Now I see that I was viewing Lexi’s experience through my own failure. I desperately wanted to protect her from the pain that I had felt. Instead of giving my daughter wings, I was tethering her to the ground, so she wouldn’t be hurt. And, boy, did she show me. She went in, gave it her all, and succeeded. She had the best two weeks of her life, and the experience of playing “Lily St. Regis” in Annie, Jr. is something she will never, ever forget, as long as she lives. She was an unqualified success, bringing the audience to laughter and rave reviews (people stopped us outside the theater to compliment us on her performance). But as much as she learned, I think I learned more. My job is not to clip her wings, but to help her fly. Life is full of disappointment, but if I shield her from it, she will never learn to persevere through it. I need to teach her the tools to flourish even in the midst of disappointment, not keep her from ever experiencing it. In trying to protect her, I was actually doing her a disservice. I think, in our society, we have failed our children by trying to protect them from every disappointment. We have created a generation of kids who expect to get what they want when they want it because we don’t want to “disappoint” them. We have created a school system that has removed all competition and reward, because it might hurt someone’s “self-esteem”. Instead of teaching our children to give it their best, and how to go to their Father’s arms for comfort when they fail, we have tried to prevent them from ever failing.

Next time, I will try to let Lexi hope without tarnishing it for her. And if she fails, she will know that her mother is here to hold her, and to share her hurt, and to help her find her way to the Father of all comfort.

Mothering Myths - Part I - The Myth of "Me"-Time

2009-09-12T13:05:00.000-07:00

One of the most common complaints I hear from mothers is their lack of “me”-time. Weariness sets in and mothers long for an escape…for an hour alone to sleep, read a book, or go shopping without an entourage of strollers, diaper bags, and cranky toddlers. Mothers dream of a long, hot bubble bath without little fists banging on the door, shouting “Mommy! Jeffy spilled juice on the carpet!” They imagine long afternoon naps, uninterrupted by babies crying, clothes dryers buzzing and siblings fighting. After long days and weary nights of meeting physical, emotional and spiritual needs, sometimes for years on end, their hearts cry out, “But what about ME?”

The world’s answer to this problem is to demand our rights. We DESERVE a break, we NEED a nanny or a housekeeper or a more sympathetic husband. We OUGHT to find something that fulfills us, such as an art class or a part-time job or the time away to write a book. Our culture tells us that we couldn’t possibly find fulfillment in something as mundane as mothering, so we need to look elsewhere for our happiness. Probably the most common question I am asked (and decidedly my least favorite) when people hear that I homeschool my children is this: “But when do you have time for yourself?”

I believe that God’s answer to this dilemma is one that turns the world’s wisdom upside-down. Nowhere in Scripture does God tell us to satisfy our own needs or pursue our own desires. Instead, He instructs us to serve with humility and with our whole hearts, and to rely on Him for the strength to do so. Even more powerfully, He gives us an example of what this looks like in His son, Jesus Christ. Mark 10:45 says that “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." The Messiah himself came to earth and served endlessly, purposefully and uncomplainingly. He served when he was tired, when he was grieving, and even just hours before he was facing a horrifying death on a cross.

How did he do this? The Bible tells us that Jesus was fully human, facing all the temptations and limitations of inhabiting an earthly body. How did he keep going, keep meeting needs day after day after day? I believe he was able to do this because he had one goal—that of pleasing his heavenly Father. He drew his strength from God himself, and kept his gaze firmly fixed on his Father instead of firmly fixed on himself and his own needs and desires. The happiest moms I know are those who have fixed their eyes on Jesus. They have resolutely surrendered their own agendas and have invested their whole hearts into serving their families with love and selflessness. On the contrary, the most unsatisfied moms I know are clinging to their own wants and have listened to the world’s messages that tell them they can’t possibly be fulfilled by this role of mothering. They feel empty and unfulfilled and busy their lives with more and more activities, trying to find satisfaction.

Is being a God-focused mom instead of a me-focused mom an easy task? Absolutely not. Have I achieved this myself? Decidedly no. This is a daily battle for every mom—will I live in selfishness or surrender? While surrender is painful, and oftentimes frightening, the fruit is incomparable. When we surrender our will to God’s, He not only provides peace and joy and rest, but the strength to carry on in His power. In Isaiah 1:19, God tells the disobedient Israelites, “If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land”. I believe the same holds true for us as mothers. If we are willing and obedient to the calling God has given us as mothers, we will see the fruit of our wholehearted mothering. A passage that I discovered early in my journey as a mother (and have clung to ever since) is found in Isaiah 58:9-11:

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

I absolutely love this passage. Although it was written by the prophet Isaiah countless years ago, it speaks to the heart of mothering. We are laboring under a yoke of oppression that the world has thrust upon us. We have swallowed the lie that mothering is a menial task instead of a divine calling. We are struggling to keep parenting in our own strength, instead of taking part in the divine power that God offers us freely. This passage teaches us that God is our source of strength and satisfaction and that if we willingly give ourselves to our children (the hungry and oppressed!), He will provide all that we need to flourish like a well-watered garden. Notice that it doesn’t say we will just survive, but that we will flourish!

Am I saying that we never need a break from our task? Of course not. Even Jesus stole away for a few hours of refreshment (and was often interrupted by his needy disciples—sound familiar?). Taking some time out to refresh and restore our souls is vitally important, but we need to make sure we are receiving our refreshment from the right source. Taking the time for a manicure or a girls’ night out can be fun and relaxing, but don’t neglect to spend some time taking in God’s refreshment by reading His word and praying daily. The lover of our souls is the one who knows exactly what we need and is ready and waiting to supply it.

So how about it? Are you willing to try an unconventional approach to mothering? Are you willing to give up the world’s quest for “Me” and devote yourself to loving service to your family? Although it won’t be easy, God promises us that He will provide the strength and joy and peace that we need. When we turn over our rights and desires to God, He promises that He will satisfy our hearts and strengthen our bodies. He will sustain us in those long days and weary nights, and help us to find joy in this season of mothering. Even better, our families will flourish when we are surrendered and are giving to them out of love, not out of obligation or guilt.

“Me”-time is a myth…we will never find satisfaction in feeding our own souls. Only in God can we flourish in this season of mothering and successfully love and train these precious children that have been entrusted to us.

"It's My Pleasure"

2009-08-31T14:12:00.000-07:00

My oldest daughter began working this summer at a fast-food company that is known for being a Christian company. The experience has been a really great introduction to the working world and she has learned a lot of very valuable lessons. Her boss is a dedicated Christian man who sees his ownership of this restaurant as his mission to help teenagers learn to work in a safe and wholesome environment. The people who work at this place have strict rules to follow: no tattoos, no weird piercings, no outrageous hairstyles or colors. They wear a very particular uniform and their earning free food each shift depends on arriving on time, and on being tidy with shirts tucked in and fingernails clean. There is also a huge emphasis placed on their manner toward the customers. They are taught to greet each customer a certain way, to smile and be respectful always, and that the customer is always right and they are to humbly apologize for even an imagined slight. Molly has learned how to run a cash register, make change, interact with customers and many other assorted tasks. My favorite thing by far, however, is a certain trademark phrase that all employees of this restaurant use. If an employee does something for you (such as open the door or hand you your food) and you say “thank you”, they do not respond with “you’re welcome”. Their unusual reply is this—“It’s my pleasure!”

In a world where service is almost a lost art and cranky fast-food employees thrust food at you without a single word, this place stands out. From the employee who stands in the rain to walk you to the door with an umbrella, to the hard-working table cleaners and the friendly cashiers, a noticeable difference is felt. Upbeat Christian music plays on the speaker system, fresh food is prepared as you order it, and it is served with a smile. Another employee comes around offering to refill your drinks, and seeing if you need anything else. Service is offered with a willing spirit and a friendly smile. The best part of my daughter working at this place is the attitude of willing service that she brings home with her. “It’s my pleasure” has become her standard reply when I ask her to do something. Now, this is not the world’s standard for a typical 15-year-old! She has learned the valuable art of serving with a truly willing heart. It lifts my spirits and warms my heart every time I hear these precious words come out of her smiling face. Every so often, they come out with a bit of effort, but even then, I know she has learned a hard lesson…giving service when you don’t feel like it.

How would our world be different if we taught our children this art of serving? Instead of being the “Me” generation, we’d be raising a generation of kids who can truly be salt and light in this world—a true portrait of Jesus. Just like this particular restaurant stands out in a crowd of other fast-food restaurants (where the food is barely passable and the attitudes of the servers barely civil), children who know how to serve others would be an amazing beacon of God’s love. How do we teach our children this long-lost art? First of all, look in the mirror. Do our children see us serving others begrudgingly, because we know we should, or do they see us serving joyfully, because it brings glory to God? This is so hard sometimes…we are so caught up in the busyness of our own lives, that the idea of doing something for someone else is almost more than we can cope with. Yet some of the best servants I know are the ones who have the busiest lives. I know young moms who care for another young mom’s children to give them a break, even though they are barely making it themselves. I see people with very little money who are the most generous when they see someone else with a need. I know people who take meals to someone at the drop of a hat, when it may be very inconvenient for their own schedule. To me, these people know a secret… they are choosing what is more valuable over what may seem more urgent.

I am trying to work on this in myself. I want to serve without complaining, to be more aware of the needs around me and to do what I can do to help fill them. I want my children to see a willing spirit in me, so they, too, will learn to serve with willing hearts. What an amazing change it would be if more people responded with “It’s my pleasure” instead of “Yeah, whatever.” Thanks to my daughter’s employer, there is now one more family inspired to give of ourselves more willingly. Surely, if they can take pleasure in supplying fast food, we can take pleasure in supplying people with Jesus’ love.

Aroma or Stench?

2009-08-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had an experience that impacted me profoundly. My two younger children had been participating in some music videos for a Christian publishing company. On the first day of our shoot, a mother and her four young daughters caught our attention. Two of the daughters were involved in the videos, and they were accompanied by their younger siblings. In the car on the way home, my son asked me if I had noticed them. Several things about this family set them apart from some of the other families present. The way they interacted with each other was noticeably different. The girls were very obedient to their mother, even though they had plenty of energy. They were skipping around the rooftop where we were filming, and when the mother told them it was time to be still and quiet (when the camera was rolling), they immediately came and sat quietly by her side. The girls looked at books and played quietly with small toys and never were a distraction or caused a disturbance. Even the baby (less than a year old) was quiet and happy throughout the morning. The oldest daughter also impressed us with her friendly nature and how she made a point to compliment everyone else on their efforts.

A few days later, at the next video session, we ran into this family again. I had thought about them several times, and determined that if we were together again, I would make the effort to meet this mother and her children. My son had also mentioned that he hoped we would see them again and have the opportunity to get to know them. We ended up meeting this family right away, as soon as we walked into the park where we were filming. We were able to spend the entire morning and most of the afternoon together and a friendship was born. Being around this family was a breath of the freshest air. The way the siblings treated each other and treated me and my children was so appealing. Their sweet, open natures drew us to them and made us want to see these girls again. In a world where children are almost expected to be cutting and cruel, and where bullying is a serious problem in schools, resulting even in tragic shootings, these girls were delightful. The older girls treated the younger ones with kindness and compassion, not with mean spirits and impatience. They patiently helped their little siblings and didn’t try to exclude them or mistreat them. Were they perfect? Of course not, yet they showed an understanding of Jesus’ love that is rare to see even in adults today.

It was a good reminder for me. When my children were small, I was diligent about training them to treat each other kindly. Harsh words were dealt with, bad attitudes were corrected. Now that they are older, I fear that sometimes I let these things slide in the busyness of life. Being around another family who shared our vision for family unity and honor reminded me that this is something I treasure and that God still expects me to train my children in these things, and that we aren’t finished yet. I realized anew that children who treat others with respect and honor are a powerful witness to others, both Christians and non-Christians alike. These beautiful children were the “aroma of Christ” to us, and we found it pleasing indeed. As my children and I discussed how much fun it was to be around this family, we were inspired afresh to watch how we treated each other and the people we came into contact with.

My prayer is that my children will be such an influence on others around them and that I will be diligent in training them in these matters. I earnestly desire for my family to be such a blessing to others as this sweet family has been to me. So I encourage you to ask yourself, “Are my children the sweet aroma of Christ to those around them (including their siblings!) or do they reek of worldliness in how they treat others?”

In the Hands of God

2009-07-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

Three nights ago, I had a terrifying experience. My son had complained of a migraine, so I decided to keep him home from church. My husband and daughters left for church, and I sent Noah to bed with an icepack for his pounding head. About fifteen minutes later, he stumbles into my room, gasping for breath and crying, “Mom, something’s wrong…I can’t breathe!” I looked up from my laptop and saw a terrible sight—my son, with his eyes swollen almost shut, his nose twice the size of normal, clutching his chest and panicking as he tried to draw a breath. I jumped up and raced to help him, praying silently in my soul for God to rescue us. I calmed him down, as his panic was making the asthma attack worse, grabbed his inhalers and a Benadryl pill and helped him get the medicine down a throat that was almost swollen shut. I quickly made a decision to get him in the car and race to the nearest ER after determining that the inhalers had eased his breathing enough to buy us the time to get to the hospital for help. We raced down the road, pushing the speed limit—I figured if I got pulled over, the policeman could help us get to the hospital faster. We arrived at the Emergency Room, walked in and when the triage desk took one look at my son, they immediately grabbed a wheelchair and took him to the back, in front of several other waiting patients. That, more than anything, scared me.

As the nurses got my son hooked up to a pulse oximeter (which measures the amount of oxygen in the blood), I could see that his oxygen levels were very low. He was now covered from head to toe in angry red hives, and his hands were swollen to the point of being unusable. A doctor came in almost immediately (another ER first for us!) and ordered an epinephrine shot and some prednisone to reduce the swelling. Within minutes of the shot, Noah’s breathing eased dramatically and he relaxed against the pillows.

The doctor, who was wonderful with Noah (the best we’ve ever had in an emergency room situation), believed that his reaction was probably due to something airborne, but was unable to determine what that might be. He decided to observe Noah for 2-3 hours before releasing us, to make sure he was stable. He warned me that when reactions come on this fast, it is very dangerous. He gave us a prescription for an Epi-pen (which delivers an emergency dose of epinephrine), so we can be prepared for next time. “Next time?!” my anxious heart silently cried, “I don’t ever want to experience this again!” We spent the next 3-1/2 hours waiting for his symptoms to subside so we could go home. Noah and I had some great conversations, watched a little TV, and I watched with relief as my boy’s hives faded and his swelling subsided. Inside, I prayed fervently to the God who made my little boy to protect him and to help us through this terrible ordeal.

I know that God was with us during those dark hours as I watched my son suffer. I felt His hand on me as I was able to calm Noah with soothing words and a calm demeanor, even though inside I was panicking, too. Both my husband and my son later commented on how unruffled I was throughout the whole ordeal…I know it was only because God provided what I needed to help save my son’s life. Noah and I also believe that God provided for us through Noah’s headache, as strange as that may sound. If he had felt well, and we had gone to church, I would not have had the tools to save his life. I was no longer carrying his inhalers with me, as his asthma had improved so much in recent years that it seemed unnecessary. I wouldn’t have had Benadryl, either, which helped to counteract the allergic reaction. Another provision that made the whole experience much more bearable is that from home, we were only about 7 minutes from our brand new hospital, with a terrific emergency room team. If we had been at church, we would have had to go to a different hospital, where we have had horrendous emergency room experiences. Looking back, it is so easy to see how we were held safely in God’s hands. Even though I was alone dealing with this crisis, I never felt alone, knowing that God was with us every step of the way.

Two days later, Noah and my husband were scheduled to go to the mountains for a father-son retreat. My heart was filled with fear at the thought of my son being outdoors, with all those possible allergens, and having another attack in a remote place without a hospital nearby. I did everything possible to ensure his safety—locating the nearest ambulance service, writing out detailed instructions for my husband for Noah’s medications, suggesting that my husband find the nearest landline in case his cell phone didn’t work, etc. Finally, though, I had to release control of the situation…it was out of my hands. I had to watch my husband and son drive away, knowing there was nothing I could do to protect him for the next couple of days.

Ultimately, it comes down to this…do I really believe that Noah belongs to God and is in His care? Am I willing to trust Him that whatever comes, He loves Noah best and has a perfect plan for his life? Why is it so hard to let go, and trust, and realize that I can’t keep him safe in this world? Sometimes I believe that God gave me Noah just to teach me these lessons in surrender. Those of you who know his whole life story know that God has saved this boy over and over again. He is a miracle many times over, and God has faithfully watched over this precious young man, working His will in Noah’s life. And I will rest in the peace that comes from knowing this: Noah is safe in God’s hands.

In God We Trust

2009-07-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day, a day for reflecting, for rejoicing, for thankfulness. Two hundred and thirty-three years ago today, America was born. It was conceived in the hearts of men who dreamed of something better: a land governed by the principles set forth by God in his holy Word. They dreamed of a place where all could live in peace, working hard together, worshiping together and raising children in a land of freedom. This freedom did not come without a price--these men fought, bled and died to establish this land that they loved. They suffered, they persevered and they were victorious. With God’s blessing, they began a new nation and they prospered.

Today, most Americans will have barbeques, watch fireworks, play sports and drink beer. At best, maybe they will hang out an American flag and give a passing thought to the founders of our country. Most likely, however, today will be about having a party, being with friends and eating lots of food.

What will we teach our children today? Will we tell them of the honorable men who fought and suffered to give them the freedoms they now enjoy? Will we read them quotes from the founding fathers, showing how devoted they were to their Creator? Will we explain the flag we fly, and what it stands for? Will we get down on our knees and thank the Lord for giving us such freedoms, and beg him to restore our nation to one that reveres Him? Or…will we just grill hot dogs, and shoot off firecrackers and go on blithely about our day?

I feel sad today. I see our nation on a downhill slide, away from all that is good and moral. Every time I open the newspaper, I am shocked by what goes on every day in the country that I love. I read about murders, assaults, abuse and abortion. I see families torn apart by drugs and alcohol and unfaithfulness. But most of all, I see a people who are entertaining themselves to death. It burdens my heart that this country, which I love, has turned its back on God and all that we were created to be. And I fear for what must become of us. Thomas Jefferson, the signer and principal author of our Declaration of Independence said this: “And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are of the gift of God? That they are not to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that His justice cannot sleep forever.”

George Washington, first President of the United States, agreed. He said, “It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor.” Our founding fathers were convinced of one thing: that God was the ruler of this nation, and that all men must bow to His authority. Another early President and signer of the Constitution, James Madison declared, “Before any man can be considered as a member of civil society, he must be considered as a subject of the Governor of the Universe.”

Recently, I heard our nation referred to as a “post-Christian” nation. That phrase made my blood run cold. America the Beautiful, founded on the blood of men who believed whole-heartedly in God’s rule, is now considered to be past all that “religious nonsense”. And we have stood by and done nothing while this has happened to our beloved country. We said nothing when abortion became legal, we said nothing when prayer was removed from our public schools, we remained silent as we watched the traditional family unravel.

Today, as we contemplate our freedoms and all that we hold dear, let us remember this: the Bible teaches us that “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord.” (Psalm 33:12) God also promises us that “if my people, who are called by my name will humble themselves, and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14). Today, while we are enjoying time with our families and friends, may we remember, and repent, and ask God to heal our land and return our country to one that reveres Him and follows His ways. May God bless the United States of America.

A Father's Love

2009-06-21T14:00:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl, my daddy filled many roles in my life. He was my protector, my champion, my playmate. He kept me in line with just a look of disapproval, guarded what came into our house and family, and showed me what real love looks like. He taught me that the most important thing in the world was to love God and walk in His ways. He showed me what compassion means, demonstrating a servant spirit by the way he helped anyone and everyone who crossed his path, even if it was inconvenient. He always took time to teach me things, to hear my stories, and to listen. He made many sacrifices to provide us what we needed, and often what we wanted, even if it cost him dearly. To this day, I know that he would do anything for me or for my family. He is a beautiful picture of a father’s love.

When I grew up, I met the man of my dreams. It only took one date for me to know that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Three and a half years later, we were married, and five years after that, our first child was born. Little did I know that the love I felt for this incredible man would be multiplied many times the instant I laid eyes on him holding our first child. He took to being a daddy instantly, not fearing the dirty diapers or late night rocking. He spent hours just holding our babies, then reading them books, playing cars and watching movies. He works hard every day at a job that is very demanding just to provide for me and our children. He never complains about getting up at 5:30 every morning, while the rest of us are sleeping. He, too, would sacrifice anything to protect and provide for his children, and his deepest desire is to see them grow up to serve and love Jesus. He loves being a daddy, and he is amazingly good at it. My heart melts when I see him with our children, when I hear their laughter as he teases them and when he encourages them to be all that God has planned for them. He, too, is a beautiful picture of a father’s love.

As if that weren’t enough, I am also blessed with a Heavenly Father who loves me. He exemplifies all these things I have seen in my husband and my dad. He, too, has sacrificed everything to take care of me…even at the cost of His beloved Son, Jesus. He did this so that I could be with Him forever, so that I would never have to be separated from Him by my sin. He forgives me, is patient with me, and He wants to spend time with me. He has given me an earthly father, and a husband to father my children, so that I can see a tangible picture of who He is and what a Father’s love looks like.

Because these two men love the Lord with all their hearts, He has been able to use them to bless me and my children. So, on this Father’s Day, I want to honor the men who have shown me the Father’s love. Dad, I love you, and I’m grateful for all that you have done for me. I just want to say thank you for all the sacrifices you made to give Scott and me a great life, and for the example of Jesus’ love that is so evident in your life. Thanks for loving me unconditionally and for loving my husband and children the same way. Alan, you are the best husband and father any woman could ever dream of having, and I am so thankful for you. I love the way you are passionate about being a father and the way you are so purposeful about our family life. I appreciate how hard you work and how you provide for us without complaining. I am so blessed by the way you support me in our homeschooling, not with pats on the back but with rolled up sleeves and an attitude of “how can I help?” You are an amazing man, and I am abundantly blessed to get to be the one who walks by your side in this journey of life.

Most of all, I praise the Father of all Creation, who has blessed me with these men and given me a picture of the Father’s heart…it is beautiful indeed.

Wasn't It Just Yesterday?

2009-06-12T15:15:00.001-07:00

I just dropped off my oldest child, Molly, for her first day of work at her new job, a local fast-food restaurant. Watching her walk in the door, after praying together in the car, my heart felt a tug. Pictures flooded my mind of an adorable toddler with light brown, wispy curls, holding a piece of paper and a crayon as she seriously took my “order”. Seconds later, she would reappear, bearing a plastic tray with plastic food, which she usually managed to drop once or twice on her way to the Little Tikes table where I was sitting with my knees nearly touching my chin. As I pretended to taste her food and proclaim it the best I’d ever had, she would put her hands on her hips and suggest, “You want some more, don’t you, Mommy?” As I watched her disappear inside the restaurant and prepared to return home, my heart wanted to cry “Wasn’t that just yesterday?”

It seems that lately, there are too many “firsts”, which are starting to feel way too much like “lasts”. My daughter is growing up right before my eyes. Seemingly overnight, she has turned into a young woman, with insights and wisdom that sometimes catch me by surprise. Our conversations have turned from childish things to topics such as colleges, spiritual questions, and planning for her future. She has become my favorite shopping buddy, my right arm, and even, at times, a shoulder to lean on. The little girl who used to pepper me with endless questions about how things worked or speculations about imaginary princesses now invites me in for late night “girl talk”. The sweet child who used to play dress up with my fancy bridesmaid dresses and satin shoes now races in to say “Mom, can I borrow that white sweater?” The tiny ballerina who used to dance from room to room in her favorite “twirly” skirts now makes me weep with the sheer beauty and elegance of her grace as she dances en Pointe.

While I am overwhelmed with pride as I watch her fulfilling her dreams and reaching for her future, my mother’s heart also aches as I release yet one more of the heart strings attaching her to me and watch her spread her wings just a little bit more. What a bittersweet thing it is to see your daughter grow up, to be thrilled with who she is becoming even as you miss what she used to be. While I love the relationship we have grown as she has matured, sometimes I miss that tiny girl who climbed in my lap, begging for one more story, one more song. My mother’s heart will always see those chubby cheeks, those sparkling brown eyes, that charming girl who flitted around the living room, pretending to be Cinderella at the ball or Snow White running through the forest, even when she is all grown up.

We have many more “firsts” ahead in the next few years—first driving lesson, first date, first car, first love. Each year brings new opportunities, new challenges and new experiences. As she continues to grow into a beautiful young woman of God, my prayer is that I will be able to rejoice in the “firsts” without grieving too much over the “lasts”.

We Cannot But Speak...

2009-06-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

Usually, this blog is devoted to writing about things related to the calling of motherhood. Occasionally, however, a topic lodges itself in my soul which can only be purged by writing about it. This morning, while reading the newspaper over breakfast, an article inflamed my spirit. It was a description of President Obama’s recent visit to Buchenwald, a former concentration camp in Germany. An estimated 56,000 people died here, and it is a testament to the absolute evil that can reign in the human heart when people turn a blind eye and refuse to help their fellow man.

I have visited another such concentration camp, Dachau, and I can honestly say it was the most chilling experience of my life. I was sixteen at the time, an exchange student to Germany, and visited this horrifying site with several of my friends, without our chaperone (who was German, and did not care to accompany us). We wept as we walked the utterly barren pathways, sobbed as we entered the gas chambers and saw the ovens where the bodies were cremated. When closing time arrived, and the gates were clanged shut (while we were still inside the camp), absolute terror swept over us and we ran for the exit, fearing we would be trapped inside this terrible, hopeless place. It was an overwhelming experience for a young girl, realizing for the first time the depth of evil possible within the human heart.

Mr. Obama stated that Buchenwald “teaches us that we must be ever-vigilant about the spread of evil in our own time, that we must reject the false comfort that others’ suffering is not our problem, and commit ourselves to resisting those who would subjugate others to serve their own interests”. While I agree with his statement in regard to the atrocities of Hitler in World War II, I shook my head at the audacity of this man. Our President has revealed himself as a man who will not stand against another holocaust happening right now in our very own country. He is no friend of the unborn, seeking to ensure abortion rights for all women, establishing policies and appointing people who are ardent abortion-rights supporters. Read Mr. Obama’s quote again: [Buchenwald] “teaches us that we must be ever-vigilant about the spread of evil in our own time, that we must reject the false comfort that others’ suffering is not our problem, and commit ourselves to resisting those who would subjugate others to serve their own interests”.

According to the National Right to Life Organization, since 1973 (the year of Roe v. Wade), there have been 49,551,703 abortions in our country. Almost 50 MILLION babies have been denied their chance at life. Countless women have been subjected to the heartbreaking consequences of abortion because they were told that it was only “a mass of tissue”, not a human life. And yet, we have looked the other way, believing that the suffering of these women and their unborn children is “not our problem”. Babies, who might have grown up to be scientists, composers, teachers, inventors, or even presidents, have been discarded to “serve the interests” of others, including the abortion industry. My heart breaks as I realize that WE are responsible. We have turned our eyes aside as this holocaust has continued for years, not recognizing or resisting the evil that dwells among us. As Edmund Burke said, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” And that is what we have done…nothing. In studying the horrifying events of World War II, it is easy to condemn the people who knew what was happening to the Jews of Europe and who simply turned away, doing nothing to help them. But I have to ask myself, am I any different? What have I done to resist this holocaust we are experiencing right now? Years from now, will history condemn us in the same way we condemn those who didn’t resist the Nazi holocaust?

As Billy Graham said, "Our motto too often seems to be, "Stay aloof. Don’t get involved. Let somebody else stick his neck out." In the face of all kinds of conditions screaming to be rectified, too many of us find ourselves afflicted with moral laryngitis......Christianity grew because its adherents were NOT SILENT. They said, "We cannot but speak the things we have seen and heard." Nor did they stop with expressing the great faith they had found. They stormed against the evils of their day until the very foundations of decadent Rome began to crumble. Is the church doing that today?" I pray that we will repent of our passivity and that God will give us the courage and the strength to stand for what is right, no matter the cost.

Hearts of Stone

2009-05-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight, as my family and I were out for an evening of dinner and errands, we wandered into a video game store. My attention was immediately caught by a young couple shopping with their son, who appeared to be about three or four years old. The mother was showing this little boy various video games and asking him which one he wanted. The father came and got him and then told him he had an important question to ask him and to pay attention. He said, “If I buy you your own Xbox, so you won’t have to stop playing your games when Daddy wants to play, would you like that?” I confess, at this point, I moved closer while pretending to peruse the shelves, just so I could hear the rest of the conversation. The little boy jumped up and down in excitement, and then began whining because he wanted to play the store demo model. The mother ran over with two video games in hand, and asked her husband which version of “Resident Evil” they should purchase for the little boy.

Now I was certain I could hear something else…the sound of my heart breaking for this little boy. His parents were buying him his own video game system so he could play in one room, while his father played in another. They were also purchasing him a video game, rated “M” for “Mature” (although my 9-year-old questioned whether a truly mature person would play this game!). This game is classified as a “survival horror, third-person shooter” game, involving multiple weapons, evil spirits and significant gore. In case you didn’t catch it, let me reiterate…this little boy was three or four years old. He should be watching Veggie Tales while sitting on his daddy’s lap, not blowing people to bits on his own videogame system while his daddy plays his own games in another room. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it will take before the innocence in this handsome little boy’s eyes is completely gone.

How does this happen? Did his parents wake up one day and decide that these were appropriate games for their son to play? I don’t believe so. Instead, I think that they probably grew up playing such games themselves, being sold a bill of goods by the world that we live in which told them that this is appropriate fare for childhood consumption. Games, books, movies, and other forms of entertainment have steadily grown worse and we have become numb to the effects they are having on our society and on our children. Like the proverbial frog who never noticed that the pot of water was steadily growing hotter until it was too late, we have slowly become so jaded that we think nothing of buying a three-year-old an incredibly violent game or of feeding our teenagers a steady diet of sex, violence and foul language via the TV, video games and popular music and books. And then we wonder why our society has no respect for life, as is evidenced by the number of abortions performed annually in our country and the laws slowly being passed to support assisted suicide. We wonder how tragedies such as Columbine can happen, why our kids are bullied at school, or how children can be beaten to death by their siblings while play-acting games such as “Mortal Kombat” (for those of you outside of Colorado, this happened here recently).

Over the past few years, my husband and I have become ever more concerned about the degree of our own jadedness. We’ve discovered movies that we enjoyed as children now seem immoral and profanity-laden. We’ve discovered that books that we used to love now seem unacceptable. What concerns us most, however, is what we might be missing. As God reveals more and more things to us that we never before recognized as being opposed to His will for us, we wonder what things we have stubbornly or ignorantly missed. As He teaches us more and more how to raise children who are wholeheartedly devoted to Him, we learn to beseech Him for eyes like His to evaluate the choices that we make for our children. We learn to not just accept something because “everyone else does it” or because it “seems okay”. We learn to make decisions that are often unpopular, sometimes with our children, and even sometimes with other Christians. We learn to pray fervently for wisdom, strength and discernment in all of our choices, and to not make decisions by default…and we pray for God to remove our tarnished hearts and restore us to purity. For God promises us: “I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.” (Ezekiel 11:19-20)

I pray for that little boy, that God will protect his heart. I pray for his parents, that God will show them the error of their ways before it is too late for him. I pray, too, for all of us, that God will open our eyes so that when we see such things as we saw tonight, we will not walk away feeling self-righteous, but will examine our own hearts and our own degree of corruption, and that we will be broken before Him and will ask for His forgiveness and purification. May God remove our hearts of stone…

The Gift of Praise

2009-05-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

When was the last time your child gave you a gift? Was it Mother’s Day, your birthday or just a day that he colored you a picture and gave it to you “just because”? Did you love that gift because it was expensive, or because it was exactly what you wanted, or just because he gave it to you to show you his love? Sometimes the best gifts our children give us are “best” because of the love expressed, not because of their monetary value or intrinsic usefulness. One of the best gifts my oldest daughter ever gave me was for Mother’s Day last year. She bought a bright pink basket with a lid, and filled that basket with notes full of love and encouragement. The notes expressed her love for me and her appreciation of the sacrifices I have made in order to homeschool her. She may not know this, but I turn to that precious basket often…on days when I need to feel valued, on days that are frustrating or discouraging, and on days that I just need to know that I am loved and appreciated. It is water when my soul is thirsting and comfort when my heart is weary.

We all need praise. Marriages die for lack of praise. Children wither for lack of praise. Even our Father in heaven desires praise from His children. When was the last time you gave your children the gift of your praise? Sometimes we mothers can be so diligent about correcting our children’s faults and misbehaviors, and yet fail to offer them praise when they do something right. How many times has your child brought you a beautiful picture that they colored especially for you and instead of noticing the vibrant colors and creative drawing, you instead bemoan the marker all over their hands or new white T-shirt? Have you ever seen that little face fall as they receive your criticism instead of your sought-after praise? How about the child who “helps” you by attempting to fix breakfast or “clean” something and instead of receiving your gratitude, she receives a heartfelt sigh at the mess left in the kitchen or bathroom? Sometimes their little hearts work ahead of their abilities, leaving chaos in their wake instead of true helpfulness, yet don’t they still deserve our appreciation for their efforts?

After all, think about the messes we bring to God, longing for His approval. “But I meant well,” we say beseechingly, and He receives us lovingly, in spite of the damage we have wrought. The few paltry gifts we bring to the Ruler of the Universe pale in comparison to what He has done for us, yet He delights in us and in the gift of our praise. No matter what we have done, or haven’t done, for that matter, He welcomes us, taking us in His loving arms and giving us more than we could ever deserve. I love the picture painted in Zephaniah 3:17: “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Picture a father, swinging his child up into his arms, throwing back his head in laughter as he delights in this little child of his heart. Picture a mother, rocking her child in her arms, singing softly as she soothes this child whom she adores. This is how God feels about you and me…wow. If the God of the Universe can feel this way about me, then surely I can demonstrate some of this powerful love and praise to my children, even when they’ve left a mess in the bathroom or spilled their juice for the tenth time on my freshly mopped floor. Humbling, isn’t it?

So, how about giving your children the gift of your praise today? Instead of watching their little faces fall, watch them light up in delight as your loving words soothe their hurts and fill their hearts with joy. And then sit down together and praise your Heavenly Father, who delights in both of you.

Bless You, Mom

2009-05-08T14:40:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest blessings God bestowed on me came in the form of a petite, quiet, gentle-spirited woman. She never held any high-powered job, although she is extremely intelligent. She was never rich in material possessions and never sought after fame or fortune. She was content to “feather her nest” and make a wonderful home for her loving husband and two sometimes appreciative children. She lovingly cooked our meals, sewed us lovely clothes, and played dolls and baseball and board games without complaint. She kept her house tidy and organized and drove us to baseball games and play practices, youth groups and music lessons. She submissively served her husband and packed our household and moved us cross-country more than once, even when it was not what she wanted. She took care of us when we were sick (which in my case, was a lot!), dried our tears and shared our laughter. Our friends wanted to play at our house because she was so welcoming. They wanted to eat at our house because she was such a good cook. Most of all, they just wanted to be included in her circle of loving…and she always complied, even if she was tired, or had a headache, or just wanted to be alone.

Without her, I don’t know who I would be. She inspired me to respect and desire the role of motherhood. She taught me to love my Heavenly Father and desire to serve Him first. She taught me what a quiet and gentle spirit looks like in real life. She gently countered the worldly influence telling me that I needed to attain some great career, not stay at home and mother children. She showed me all I ever needed to know about grace and beauty and contentment. She taught me how to listen, really listen, with my heart as well as my ears. She taught me to love words and reading and writing, and encouraged my first efforts at expressing myself through the written word.

She showed me I was important by the way she dropped everything when I arrived home from school and allowed me to tell her the most insignificant details of my day over a snack. She gave me confidence by listening with her full attention. She taught me the value of touch as she lovingly stroked my hair as I lay with my head in her lap after a rough day. She demonstrated the necessity of spending quiet time with God as I watched her with her Bible open on her lap and a cup of tea on the table by her spot on the couch.

Everything I needed to know, I learned not at the hands of my kindergarten teacher, but by the side of my precious mother. Her sacrifices, her patience, her tenderness all communicated to me that I was loved, I was important, and that my choices mattered. In the process of growing up, I may have wanted to be a doctor, a veterinarian and a singer, but deep down I knew I really only wanted to be one thing when I grew up…I wanted to be just like my mother.

I pray that someday, my children will look on me with the love and respect I hold for my mother, even though I don’t deserve it. I pray that somehow, through the grace of God, they will learn from me what it means to be unconditionally loved and accepted, and that my daughters will grow up desiring this most divine calling of motherhood.

I’m humbly grateful that I had a mother of such “noble character” and this Mother’s Day, I “rise up and bless her” (Proverbs 31:10, 28). Happy Mother’s Day, Mom…I will always love you.

Homeschool Hints - Part III

2009-04-27T14:04:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to believe, but it’s that time of year once again…time to choose teaching materials for next year. In this installment, I thought I would share some of my favorite resources for purchasing curricula, as well as some of the resources we have personally used and enjoyed. Being the Type-A person that I am, I have spent hours each year researching the various options, so if you have questions, please feel free to email me and I will be glad to help you.

Homeschool Resource Companies:

1. Rainbow Resource Center – Started as a family business, they now have over 40,000 products in all subject areas (and great toys and books, too!). They have great customer service, and you can’t beat their prices. This is probably my favorite resource company of all. Visit them online at: http://www.rainbowresource.com/

2. Christian Book Distributors – This is probably my second most-used company. While they are known for great prices on Christian books and music, they also have a great homeschool department. Again, great service and great prices and a huge variety of resources for all budgets. Address: http://www.christianbook.com/

3. Library and Educational Services - This is a great place to purchase books, audiotapes and audiodramas (such as Adventures in Odyssey and Focus on the Family) for amazing prices. Check out “The Truth Chronicles” by Adventures in Odyssey—our family favorite for teaching worldview to children. Address: http://www.libraryanded.com/

4. Apologia Educational Ministries - An excellent resource for Creation-based science programs. More about them below… http://www.apologia.com/

Specific Subject Recommendations:

1. Math – Our favorite Math program has been Math-U-See. This is a great hands-on program that stresses mastery and understanding over just memorizing facts. The videos are helpful and funny, and compared to some other programs it is relatively affordable. Website: http://www.mathusee.com/

2. World History – The Mystery of History (Volumes 1-3) is one of my all-time favorite resources. Linda Hobar takes you through History starting with Creation. This is from a Biblical worldview, and teaches Bible history right alongside world history, teaching our children that the “stories” in the Bible are NOT stories, but historical fact. There are activities for young, middle and older students, making this a great resource for multi-level teaching. http://www.themysteryofhistory.com/

3. American History – Truth Quest History is a “living books” curriculum, involving reading many books, both fiction and non-fiction. They have an elementary and an older-level course. It is really a glorified reading list, which I have supplemented with other resources, but it makes finding the books much easier. http://www.truthquesthistory.com/

4. Science – I have a couple of recommendations here. Overall, we have thoroughly enjoyed anything from Apologia (see above for website). Their middle school and high school courses can’t be beat if you are looking for a college-prep, Christian-worldview science course. They also offer elementary level courses, which are wonderful. My kids love their science courses. We also recently discovered an elementary curriculum by Richard and Debbie Lawrence (a local couple), which are now marketed by Answers in Genesis (http://www.answersingenesis.org/). We tried the chemistry course this year, and my son especially loved this one. It is called God’s Design for Science.

5. Language Arts – I confess this is the area I have most struggled with in finding teaching materials. While there are many available, there haven’t been many that I have liked! We have found good materials for grammar (Easy Grammar – available at most of the resources above) and spelling (Reason For Spelling), and have tried many different writing courses, finally settling on The Institute for Excellence in Writing (http://www.excellenceinwriting.com/). While this course is truly excellent, I have also found it somewhat difficult to use (and expensive), requiring many hours of preparation time that I don’t have! If you have any suggestions for me in this category, please feel free to leave me a comment and share your wisdom…I would welcome your suggestions. I feel as though we have tried just about everything out there in the course of teaching three children, without finding just the right fit for Language Arts.

I hope you find this information helpful. There is such a plethora of materials available, it can be difficult to wade through them all and find the right fit for your family. Just remember, what works for one person may not be right for another. Keep your children’s learning styles, interests, and temperaments in mind when selecting materials, as well as your own. If you dislike certain material, that will definitely be communicated to your children, and none of you will enjoy the learning process. And that is what is important…teaching your children to love learning, no matter what the subject.

Hope is Alive

2009-04-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, I sat down to read the newspaper while I had my breakfast. As I read, I felt my heart slowly sinking into despair. I went from stories of senseless shootings and mass murders to stories about how our President wants to make changes which will require all health care workers to perform abortions, even against their consciences. Later that day, I read the headline story on MSN.com (which was the cover story in Newsweek magazine) about the “decline and fall of Christian America”. Every day we are flooded with such stories, telling us how evil abounds and how our country turns farther and farther away from our godly foundation. More and more often, my husband and I discuss the state of things in our world, and worry for the future of our children and grandchildren. As I read these depressing stories, one of my children suddenly piped up, “Mom, it’s Easter week!” And in the midst of the darkness, I glimpsed a great light.

Over 2000 years ago, something newsworthy happened. A baby was born, one who fulfilled all the prophecies of long ago. He came in a humble manner, not in a kingly fashion, as was expected by the Jewish people who awaited his arrival. He grew up, traveled around ministering to people and meeting their needs in a quiet, humble way. And then, one day, he entered the city of Jerusalem, riding on a donkey, and was greeted by the people. They waved palm branches and yelled their praises, “Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!” In the midst of their suffering and struggle against the Roman oppression, their Saviour had come and hope was born.

Things were no different then. They had problems, and violence and suffering. People were sick, they made poor choices, and they had hatred and discord, just like us. They, too, needed hope, just as we do today. They were under Roman oppression and needed someone to save them. We are under the oppression of sin, and need someone to save us. In the Jewish religion, it was required to make a blood sacrifice in order to obtain forgiveness for their sins. (Hebrews 9:22 says, “In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”) We, too, are in desperate need of forgiveness. I see, more and more, the darkness overtaking our society. Immorality is rampant, the very definition of marriage is crumbling, 40% of new births in America are born to unmarried mothers, alcohol and drugs are being consumed in vast amounts and by younger and younger children, and the pursuit of pleasure has become the sole purpose of our existence. We are desperate for someone to save us.

A mere seven days later, that Saviour was arrested. After a sham of a trial, he was brutally nailed to a rough, wooden cross, where he suffered unimaginable pain and grief, separated from his Heavenly Father, and bearing the weight of all the world’s sin…past, present and future. He was mocked by those he came to save, tortured and reviled by those he had treated only with the purest of loves. And yet, he looked on them with grace, and pleaded with his Father to forgive his tormenters. After crying out to his beloved Father, he breathed his last. Hope was dead.

His disciples holed up in their houses, defeated by their grief. Their king had apparently failed them. There was no battle, no mighty warrior who freed them from the hated Roman rule. They were cast into despair, not understanding that the story was not over.

Three days later, the sun rose on their grief. Early in the morning, Jesus’ mother and some other women went to the tomb to anoint his body. Upon reaching the tomb, they were surprised and frightened to see that the stone (which sealed the entrance) had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a man, dressed in white, and were alarmed. After reassuring the women, the man gave them some astonishing news. “He is not dead…He is risen!” Their Saviour had not failed them…hope was alive again. Jesus had risen, just as He promised.

And in this resurrection, Jesus offers us true freedom. He paid the blood offering for our sins, once and for all, and offered us the chance for a true resurrection…to a new life and a promise of eternal life with Him in heaven. Hope is not dead, no matter what you read in the newspaper. Hope is alive and well, in the person of Jesus Christ. If you know Him, and follow Him, your hope can illuminate the darkest night, no matter what you are experiencing right now. And that is what we celebrate this coming Sunday…that we have a Saviour, and that He most definitely lives.

Homeschool Hints - Part II

2009-03-23T15:04:00.000-07:00

In Part I of this series on Homeschool Hints, we talked about some basic principles to help in your transition to homeschooling. Now I’d like to move into some practical tips to help your day run more smoothly.

First of all, the key word is PLANNERS. Buy a teacher’s planbook from a teacher supply store. And look for the planner with the most space…you’re going to need it, especially if you are schooling more than one child. If these are too expensive for your budget, never fear. You can create your own using Excel, or a piece of paper and a ruler, if you are technically challenged. You can also find templates to print for free on the wonderful website of Donna Young (http://www.donnayoung.org/). She has an abundant supply of free planning forms available for homeschool parents to use. If you are a Type-A planner like me, you will find this website addictive! Now that you have a planner, buy or create one for each of your children. At the beginning of the school year, you can purchase these inexpensively at any store with school supplies (or you can create your own). The year I decided to use a planner for each of my children was the year homeschooling became manageable…yes, really. Every weekend, I write in each child’s planner, listing their individual work for the whole week. While this may seem an overly simple idea, it revolutionized our homeschool. Now, each child knew exactly what was expected of them, without my having to tell them. No longer did they ask me every ten minutes, “What do I do now, Mom?” interrupting while I was trying to work with another child. No longer did I have to check my planner every ten minutes to see if everyone was on track for the morning. And, best of all, my early–riser children began getting up (BEFORE me) and completing a good portion of their independent work before breakfast, leaving us lots of time for reading great historical fiction books, science experiments and art projects. I used to spend time every weekend planning out all of our work for the following week. Now that I am more experienced at this, I have it down to spending time about once a month, planning out our work for an entire month, thus freeing me up for other things. Trust me, the best thing you can do is to invest in some planners for everyone!
Another tip that seems like a small thing but has big results is this: Don’t answer the telephone. We tend to do school in the morning hours at our house and are usually done shortly after lunch (my kids are early risers). When we began homeschooling, I purposed to not answer the telephone during school hours, knowing it could be a major distraction. Interruptions of any kind when you are trying to teach your children are disruptive to their learning, and a quick “five-minute conversation” can easily turn into a half-hour wasted. My friends know to call me in the afternoons if they want to talk to me, and an answering machine insures that important calls aren’t missed (it also allows us to pick up if it’s Daddy!). Your kids will appreciate having your undivided attention and their learning will benefit from a focused environment. We also added a sign to our front door that discourages solicitors (“No Soliciting—Homeschool in Progress”).
And now, the MOST important tip for today: Before you do anything…PRAY. Don’t enter the arena without putting on God’s armor and provision. Homeschooling is not an easy task and we need to be sure we are leaning on God’s strength to be the patient and loving teachers our children need. The days that nothing seems to go right at my house tend to be the days that I stumble out of bed late and don’t take the time to pray before going to greet my children. I try to pray for each of them individually, for our school day, for strength for me as their teacher and for all of my friends who are beginning their school day as well. I don’t want to ever presume to undertake this high calling without leaning on the divine help of the Saviour.

In the next installment, I will provide some curriculum reviews and some resource recommendations. Please check back soon for Part III.

A Dearth of Manners

2009-03-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I am sitting in an airport, waiting to return home from an incredible eight days at sea in the Caribbean. My husband and I decided to celebrate our 20th anniversary in a very memorable way and to escape together for a few days of relaxation and romance. Our cruise took us to several tropical locations as well as several “at sea” days.

During our journey, we noticed one thing over and over again. The crew members on our ship were absolutely amazing. They had so obviously been well-trained to treat each passenger with the utmost respect and cordiality. Each crew member would greet you politely when you passed in the hallways. The waiters at meals would pull out your chair and seat you with a smile. We heard many “sir”s and “ma’am”s and were served with the utmost respect. If you had a special need, they would bend over backwards to make it happen. Their behavior seemed to hearken back to an earlier time, when good manners were the norm, not the exception.

In contrast, however, was the behavior of many of the passengers. While some were very pleasant (such as our wonderful dinner companions), the majority were not. Time after time, we would be the ones to step aside in the narrow hallways, while the other guests plowed on through without even an “excuse me” or “thank you”, as if it were their God-given right to be first. We heard complaint after complaint about the pettiest of issues. Here we were in the closest thing to paradise on earth, and people found something to complain about! We also were appalled at our cigar-smoking neighbors in the stateroom next door, who daily chased us off our balcony with their noxious fumes. Even simple items of courtesy, such as “please” and “thank you” seemed to be absent among many of the passengers.

We couldn’t help but ponder what the world would be like if everyone acted with the same courtesy as our Royal Caribbean crew. People would be appreciative, eager to serve others and polite in their social interactions. Our assistant waiter, Manuel, had a response that we found noteworthy. Whenever we thanked him for filling our water glasses or giving us bread, he would look us in the eye and gallantly reply, “It is my pleasure”. He seemed so sincere in this statement, making us feel that it truly was a pleasure for him to serve us. What an honor it was to be served by someone who made you feel as though nothing was more important than fulfilling your every need.

It’s time for us to start a revolution…let’s teach our children old-fashioned manners and then turn them loose to change the world. Let’s be diligent in teaching them to speak politely, to seek opportunities to serve others (and to take pleasure in it), and to just be aware of the needs of the people around them. If Royal Caribbean can manage this, surely we can, too!

Counting My Blessings

2009-03-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

Today, I just want to share with you that I am counting my blessings. Twenty years ago today, I married the man I adore, my very best friend. I have watched this man grow from a very young husband into a beautiful man of God. I am ever so blessed to have his leadership in our family, his devotion to me and our children, and his heart that is fully committed to God. He gives me more than I could ever desire, loves me without fail and is a loving and tender father to our children. He has never given me a moment's cause to doubt him, has been there for me through sunshine and rain, and still thinks I am beautiful. He is all I could ever ask for in a husband and I pray that we have many, many more years serving our Father together. Today, I just want to honor him and tell him how very much I love him. Happy 20th anniversary, Alan...I will love you forever.

Homeschool Hints for Beginners - Part I

2009-02-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

One of my passions is helping moms who are new to homeschooling. I well remember how intimidating that first year can be (and sometimes subsequent years, too!) and I was blessed by so many wonderful homeschool moms who were willing to share their wisdom with me. In my five years of homeschooling, I have met with countless women who were beginning their homeschool journey. It has been my joy to answer some of their many questions and give them some tips for a smoother transition. Beginning homeschooling is an awesome task, but one that will bring innumerable blessings to your family. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed, I offer these simple suggestions to make your life easier.

• Don’t take on too much. Keep it simple until you get your bearings. My first year, I tried to have too many different subjects, separate subjects for each child, and made way too much work for myself. I remember weeping in exhaustion after our first day (I think we spent 7 hours doing school, and then I spent another 3 or 4 grading and planning for the next day) and tearfully telling my husband I couldn’t possibly keep this up. While public school spent the first day unpacking their backpacks and sharpening their pencils, I was trying to teach the entire first month in one day! I soon learned how to do certain subjects with all of my children at once (such as history or science) and how to judge how much work was appropriate for one day (the legal requirement is an average of 4 hours a day). One of the best commitments we made that first year was to not JOIN anything. We were encouraged to join the local homeschool group, to form co-ops, and to participate in every homeschool activity available in our town. While none of those were bad things, it was just too much. We decided that we needed to spend that first year AT HOME, and not driving to multiple activities and commitments. We needed to transition into a homeschooling family by protecting our time at home and figuring out exactly what homeschooling looked like. While I am not saying you should reject all of these activities, it was the right choice for us.

• Godly character is the subject of first importance. When I became my children’s teacher, I quickly realized we had some character issues to work on. They had to respect my authority not only as “mom” but as “teacher”. My oldest had been in school for 5 years and had some adjusting to do. She was also unhappy about our decision to homeschool, and had to learn to accept our choice cheerfully and to trust that Mom and Dad knew what was best for her. I have had many moms tell me that their children would never listen to them or obey them as their teacher. I tell them that they have bigger problems than choosing how to educate their children. If we can’t teach our children because they are resistant to learning from us, we have failed to teach our children to respect our authority. Whether or not you homeschool, you ARE your child’s teacher. Sometimes, book learning must take second place to instilling godly character. And as an academically-minded person, that was a VERY hard lesson for me to learn.

• Don’t be afraid to ask questions. The homeschool community tends to be a very supportive group. Find a mom whose children you respect and ask her for advice. Take the time to look at curriculum choices from several people. There is so much material available and you have to find what works for you and your kids. I’ve known people who absolutely loved curriculum that I hated, and vice-versa. Read a book on learning styles and identify how your children learn (I have one visual, one auditory and one kinesthetic—lucky me!). Choose your curriculum carefully, and don’t buy too much at once. Other homeschool moms can be your best resources. Ask them where they buy their materials and what they have liked and why. My sister-in-law was my “homeschool angel”, even traveling to Colorado from Indiana to take me to my first homeschool conference and walk me through the overwhelming process of choosing curriculum. I don’t know what I would have done without her. This didn’t mean I had to choose all the same curriculum as she did, but having someone to help me evaluate the choices was priceless.

• Finally, understand that there is no one “right” way to homeschool. If I introduce you to a dozen different homeschool families, I will show you a dozen different ways to homeschool. How you teach your children and how you spend your day doesn’t have to mirror mine for it to be “right”. One of my favorite homeschool books is called “So You’re Thinking About Homeschooling” by Lisa Whelchel. In her delightful, conversational style, she eased my fears about being the perfect homeschool mom (what can I say, I’m an over-achiever!) and showed me that no two homeschooling households look alike. Rest assured that if God has called you to this amazing lifestyle, He will help you find the “right” way for your family.

More to come, including curriculum recommendations and practical tips…please check back soon!

Not To Be Taken Lightly

2009-02-15T12:56:00.000-08:00

My ears are tired. They are tired of being assaulted everywhere I go, whether it is by the TV, the radio, people around me out in public, or yes, even at my own church. It seems that, these days, no matter where I am or who I am listening to, I hear an abundance of one thing—the misuse of the name of my Lord. Today, though, was the final straw. While sitting alone in my own kitchen, reading today’s newspaper ads, I came across an ad for a T-shirt marketed for young girls. This T-shirt was a “Bobby Jack” brand, popular for the cute monkey character pictured on their articles of clothing. On this particular shirt, there is a large monkey face with giant letters spelling out “OMG!”. Now, anyone who has even a rudimentary knowledge of texting (and mine is rudimentary at best!) knows what this means. It is the same vile phrase uttered by millions of people every day, taken lightly even by many Christians.

My family enjoys occasionally watching a television show on Sunday evenings called “Extreme Home Makeover”. The kids love seeing families in difficult circumstances blessed by a loving community and a design team who delights in making life better for these families. We quickly tired, however, of the prevalence of this phrase (OMG) uttered by the surprised people while viewing their new houses. We learned to watch this show with the volume turned down all the way when it came time for the families to tour their new homes. Hearing this phrase uttered over and over is equivalent to hearing fingernails scraping down a chalkboard. It raises the hairs on the back of my neck and makes me grit my teeth.

Whatever happened to the third commandment? In Exodus 20:7, God says, "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.” Jeremiah 44:10-11 says, “To this day they have not humbled themselves or shown reverence, nor have they followed my law and the decrees I set before you and your fathers. Therefore, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: I am determined to bring disaster on you and to destroy all Judah.” Misusing the Lord’s name in an irreverent fashion is not something to be casual about, no matter how commonplace it has become in our society. Are we instilling this reverence in our children? Does this phrase crop up in their vocabulary? How about yours? Do we stand up for our Lord when we hear someone uttering this phrase? How long will we passively sit by while our Lord is treated with disrespect and irreverence?

Let’s raise a generation of children who won’t stand for this mockery of the name of our God. Let’s teach them to stand up for our faith and to fight back against the world’s cheapening of all that is holy. Let’s set them an example of pure speech, and hold them to a standard that is much different than that of the world. Let’s say “enough is enough” and draw a line in the sand, refusing to let our speech be tarnished by the world’s influence. “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God” (2 Corinthians 7:1). Our God is holiness personified and His name is not to be taken lightly.

The Aspirin Age

2009-02-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I took my son on a date. While my husband escorted our daughters to the annual “Butterfly Kisses” Dance, Noah and I went to play indoor “glow golf” and feast on hamburgers at a new eating place we had discovered. The golf place was not crowded, so we were taking our time, enjoying our time together and chatting as we played. Pretty soon, another mom and son (whose father was also at the dance with his daughters) came along behind us and quickly caught up to us. We invited them to play through, as they seemed to be in a hurry and we did not wish to be rushed. The mom apologetically said to me, “Sorry, we don’t do anything slowly.” After a few more holes of golf, another family (this time a dad and kids) caught up to us and again, we stepped aside to let them go ahead of us. As soon as one of their party finished the hole, he or she would rush off to the next hole, leaving behind the rest of the family. They rushed from hole to hole in a frenzied race to complete the course. In the time it took my son and me to play the first 27 holes of mini-golf, the other families had finished all 54 holes and left the building. Noah looked at me and said, “We aren’t that slow, are we?”

We talked about how everyone seemed to be in such a hurry. The families who had come to play, ostensibly to spend time together, were rushing to finish without taking time to watch each other golf or to have a conversation. Noah and I were taking our time, but we weren’t dawdling…how could these other families have finished so much faster than we did? And why were they all in such a rush?

This morning in church, our minister talked about how we are living in what some have called “the Aspirin Age”. We are living in a time of tremendous pressures and anxieties, with stress brought on by economic difficulties, strained family relationships and over-packed schedules. He mentioned that the times of walking slowly by babbling brooks or living unhurried, peaceful lives are long gone. We’ve replaced these tranquil times with frenzied activity, rushing from one event to the next. We’ve forgotten how to relax, how to have a Sabbath, and how to spend unhurried time together as families.

Noah and I were saddened by what we saw that afternoon. It felt like watching the world rush by in fast-forward motion while we were playing at regular speed. I think it was eye-opening to both of us as we contemplated what was really important—that for just a couple of hours, we were slowing down and enjoying our time together as mother and son while the world marched on without us. Everything else could wait; for now, nothing was more important than spending time with my boy, who will all too soon be a man with little time for or interest in playing mini-golf with his mother. I refuse to miss out on these precious moments because the world says there are more important things to do…and I hope that my son will look back someday and cherish that afternoon spent slowly playing fifty-four holes of mini-golf.

Purposeful Parenting

2009-02-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been driving somewhere and suddenly realized that you had arrived at your destination, but had no actual memory of getting there? Sometimes, we will drive a routine path and be so caught up in our thoughts or conversation that we don’t really pay attention to how we got there. Or maybe we are on auto-pilot and forget where we are going at all and end up in an entirely different place than we had originally purposed. I remember a few years back when my children were small and this happened to me quite frequently. I was in the midst of a three-year stretch without sleeping through the night more than a handful of times. I was so physically exhausted that I would fall asleep at stoplights, waiting for the light to turn green. Often I would be driving my oldest to school and realize that I was pulling into the parking lot without really remembering the drive at all. It was frightening and disconcerting to feel so out of control and my relief was great when sleep returned to my life and I returned to being a safe and conscious driver!

The path of parenting can often mimic this experience. We can become so caught up in the routine day-to-day activities that we go days without consciously thinking about the destination we are attempting to reach. The most fearful ending to our years of parenting will be to reach the end of our years with our children and realize that we missed the destination entirely. The years will have flown by and we will have squandered the opportunities God has given us to properly train our children and there will be no going back, no second chances. I can think of nothing more heartbreaking than to realize we’ve missed the boat and our children are ill prepared for life as adults in a world that is all too happy to provide them the training we’ve neglected, only with a far different result. Where we wanted to teach them righteousness, our world will delight in teaching them to love evil and pursue earthly pleasure.

As our children grow older, my husband and I are ever more cognizant of the shrinking number of years we have left with them. Every moment becomes precious, every day together an opportunity to pass on the things that are of utmost importance. If your children are small, I encourage you to start early. If your children are older, don’t waste another minute. Be purposeful in the things you choose to participate in as a family. Make daily family worship time a top priority. Choose activities wisely and don’t give away all your free time as a family. Guard your time together carefully and be wary of those time wasters such as television. Think about what you want your children to know and teach their children some day, and talk about those things with them. Be prayerful about your educational choices, whether they are in public or private school or are homeschooled. Be diligent about spending time with your children. Know their hearts and what motivates them. This can only be accomplished by purposefully planning time with them and talking to them and diligently teaching them God’s word. Do you know what your children’s dreams are? Do you know who their friends are? What vision do you have for your children and what are you doing to reach those goals?

One of our family’s touchstone verses is Proverbs 29:18 “Without vision, the people perish”. I believe this verse is very applicable to parenting. If we have no destination in mind for our children, Satan will choose one for us, and it won’t be a happy ending. Take some time today and dream a little…catch a godly vision for your family and then make a commitment to be purposeful in how you raise your children. Raising godly children won’t just happen…it takes purpose and vision and wholehearted commitment to following God’s instruction. If we devote ourselves to this, the rewards will be beyond anything we can imagine and we will impact the world and God’s kingdom for generations to come. What could be more important than this?

Carnival of Homeschooling - The Adventure Edition

2009-01-27T13:19:00.000-08:00

Here is this week's link to the Carnival of Homeschooling: The Adventure Edition. A wide array of posts to educate, inspire, challenge, and entertain you! http://www.tiffanyblitz.com/blog/archives/651

Too Fearful to Enter the Land

2009-01-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was reading the story of Joshua and Caleb in the book of Numbers. They were on the brink of entering the Promised Land and sent in ten spies to do some reconnaissance. The spies came back showing off the plentiful fruit and claiming that the land “flowed with milk and honey”. Then they followed this good news with a big “but”… “But the people living there are powerful, and their towns are large and fortified. We even saw giants there!” They fearfully claimed that there was no way they could possibly take this land and that compared to these giants, they were but grasshoppers. These people had just been led by God out of slavery, seen the Red Sea parted by God’s hand and had their every need met by the Lord Himself. Yet, now they were so afraid that they wouldn’t go up to take the land that God had promised would be their possession. So what was the result? Forty years of wandering in the desert, until all of that generation had died and then their children could take the Promised Land. This generation of Israelites completely missed out on God’s amazing blessing for them because they were too fearful to act.

As I was pondering this story, I began thinking about the numerous people who have told me the many reasons why they “can’t” homeschool. I’ve heard everything from “I wasn’t a good student” to “I couldn’t teach my own children” to the oft-repeated “but what about socialization?” When God first put homeschooling on our hearts, we had many fears and questions, too (to read more about our story, click here). We wondered exactly how it would work. We wondered how our children would have any friends. We wondered if we were capable of providing all that our academically gifted children needed. And then we prayed. And God answered those prayers with people sent to encourage us, to teach us, to inspire us. He answered with peace in our hearts about His calling to homeschool. He answered with abundant joy at the prospect of bringing our children home. And now, five years later, we are reaping the bountiful blessings of educating our children at home. If we had let those fears consume us and keep us from answering God’s calling, we would have missed out on so much, just like the Israelites. And those blessings would have skipped this generation of our family and had to wait (not quite forty years, but close!) for the next generation to be called and to courageously step up in faith.

How about you? Could God be calling you to homeschool your children? Maybe you’re feeling frustrated with the secular education they are receiving, or the worldly attitudes that are rubbing off on your children. Maybe you feel that you are losing their hearts and having too little time to teach them the things that you know God wants you to impart to them. If so, I encourage you to at least give God a chance to speak to your heart. Pray and ask Him if homeschooling is what He wants for your family. Although I don’t believe homeschooling is the only way, I know it has profoundly impacted our family for the better. If this is an idea that is tugging at your heart, don’t let fear keep you from stepping out in faith. If God calls you to this wonderful journey, He will bountifully provide all that you need to be successful. All He asks is for you to go forward in obedience and trust. The blessing is waiting for you, just like it was for the Israelites. Don’t let fear keep you from experiencing all that God has in store for you and your children…the land is bountiful, and it’s yours for the taking.

Carnival of Homeschooling

2009-01-20T17:58:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to let you know that the new Carnival of Homeschooling is now posted at http://homeschooling.about.com/b/2009/01/20/carnival-of-homeschooling-the-mystery-hat.htm

Alan, Molly and I all have posts included in this carnival. Check it out for some interesting reading!

The Myth of Character Education

2009-01-18T15:31:00.000-08:00

It seems that every time I pick up a newspaper lately, there is an article about teenagers and character (or their lack thereof). A recent study put out by the Josephson Institute, titled “Ethics of American Youth” seems to have ignited a rash of writings discussing their findings. This survey questioned 30,000 teenagers about the subject of honesty and the results were very alarming. At least one out of four teens confessed to stealing from a store or friend; one-third admitted to lying; and over half have cheated on a test. Over 25 percent admitted to lying on the survey itself! The articles go on to say how the numbers of teens who lie and cheat have risen dramatically in the past few years.

Another topic of concern to me is the articles I am seeing stating that the latest survey shows that abstinence education is failing. They claim that not only are teens who are educated in abstinence-only programs almost as likely to participate in teen sex (although they do delay sexual activity by several years), they are also less likely to use birth control, thus leading to higher risk of pregnancy and disease.

What I find ironic about these findings is that the “new” trend in public schools the past few years has been the idea of focusing on “character education”. When my children were still in the public school system, our school was very passionate about teaching character. Each week, a different character quality was introduced and discussed and kids were rewarded for showing “good character”. There are many organizations that attempt to instill character in our children, yet it seems to be failing. How can we equate the efforts of public schools to teach character and the seeming decline in the integrity of our children?

As a Christian, the answer seems obvious to me. The Bible teaches that “every inclination of (man’s) heart is evil from childhood” (Genesis 8:21). It also teaches that it is only through Christ’s saving grace that we can become a new creation with the power to vanquish sin in our lives. We will never succeed in teaching our children “good character”…we can only teach them how to have “Godly character”. Yet, we are not allowed to teach that in our public schools. They have removed all reference to God and have become convinced that we are capable of being “good” on our own. The results from this false premise are devastating. We pat ourselves on the back, thinking we are instilling integrity in our children, yet our failure is becoming obvious in our society. We have corrupt politicians, immoral role models, and teenagers who think it is acceptable to lie or cheat in order to succeed (40%, according to the Josephson study).

We have become deluded into thinking that character education is enough. We have handed over the responsibility of training our children in godliness to a school system that mocks our faith. No matter what your choice regarding how you educate your children, you are still the one responsible for teaching them right and wrong. Don’t think that putting them in a “good” school which teaches “character” is enough. It is not, and never has been, the responsibility of the government to shape our children’s character. Removing God from the equation has obviously failed. Teaching children to be kind, or honest, because it is “the right thing to do” is not enough. They need to understand that good character comes from understanding God’s holiness and desiring to please Him. If abstinence educators were allowed to teach teenagers the real reasons for purity (and I don’t mean avoiding pregnancy or disease), I am certain the numbers would be different. If teens were instilled with a desire to please God and an understanding of the rewards reaped by doing so, abstinence would be seen as a worthy commitment, and not an impossible choice.

We, as parents, need to take back the responsibility of instilling character in our children. We need to recognize that this can never be accomplished apart from the God who created them and knows their every thought (Psalm 139). Even more frightening than the numbers of teens who lie, cheat or steal, are the results showing what teens think of their own character. An overwhelming 93% said that they are “satisfied with their personal ethics and character”, and 77 percent said that “when it comes to doing what is right, I am better than most people I know”. The Bible teaches us that our standard is to be God’s word, not the standards of the world around us. Unless we are faithfully instilling His word into our children’s hearts, they will be led down a path of corruption, even by “good” programs such as character education.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” II Peter 1:3-4

If you’d like to think more about this subject, I highly recommend the movie “Time Changer” from Christiano Film Group.

Far Enough Ahead

2009-01-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

The calendar page is barely turned, and already it seems this is shaping up to be a hard year for a lot of people. In the last few days, we have had friends experience the death of a loved one, the loss of a beloved pet, terrible illness and hospitalization, health scares, worry about finances and losing their home and many other difficult circumstances. Our family prayer time has grown longer each night as we try to cover all those we love in prayer, asking God’s mercies and comfort on each of them.

Quite honestly, this time of year is one I often face with dread. Although I tend much more toward the optimistic side and rarely feel truly depressed, the months between January and March are ones that can be a struggle for me. It seems that most of the really hard things that have happened in my life have fallen in or around these months. There have been loved ones lost, injuries and illness experienced, and disappointments faced. My first experience with death (the loss of my beloved grandfather during my high school years) happened in March. My adored grandmother died two years ago this month. We lost my husband’s little brother to a brain tumor at age 21 in January six years ago. Two years ago, in the midst of losing my grandmother and deciding to move our family to Kansas, I fell and broke my tailbone…twice in two weeks. Even my much-loved dog was put to sleep in January many years ago. I think you get the picture. On top of all this, I was made for tropical climates. I put on layers starting about October and don’t thaw out until June. I despise cold weather and live for those sunny Colorado days we are blessed with in the midst of winter.

So, now that I’ve depressed you, where am I going with this? First, let me tell you a story, shared by our minister a few months ago. It is about a little boy, anxiously anticipating a day of fishing with his father, only to wake that morning to a terrible rainstorm. While his father tried to explain to the boy how desperately they needed this rain, and that there would be other days to fish, the boy grumbled and complained throughout the day. Later that afternoon, the sun broke through and the rain ceased. There was still plenty of time to fish, so the boy and his father headed out to the stream. After the rain, the fish were biting unusually well and they came home with a huge string of fish. When the boy offered the prayer at supper that evening, he told God, “I’m sorry if I sounded grumpy earlier today…I just couldn’t see far enough ahead.”

I loved that story when I heard it…how profound. If he had known the rain would cease, he would have enjoyed the day instead of grumbling. How often do we spend our days complaining, only because we can’t see far enough ahead? If I had known that God would heal my mom’s cancer, would I have spent so much time grieving and worrying and being angry? If I had known we wouldn’t end up moving to Kansas after all, would I have wasted so much time being miserable? If I had known that homeschooling would dramatically change our family for the better, would it have been such a difficult decision to start?

Ah, the famous what-ifs. We can never see what lies ahead, but we do have an advantage. We serve the God who knows every what-if, who sees every moment of our future. He has carefully planned our lives and knows exactly what lies ahead, and gives us exactly what we need in order to endure every trial that comes our way. He promises that at the end of that road lies the end to all suffering, the reward for all our seeking after Him. He knows exactly how each moment of suffering refines our character to be more like His. And even better…He loves us with an unfailing love and wants only the best for our lives. If we can cling to these promises, we can face the future with the confidence of the psalmist who penned “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.” (Psalm 112:7) So, if, like me, you are having a “grumpy” spell, rest easy. After all, GOD can see “far enough ahead”, even if we can’t.

My Miracle

2009-01-05T06:51:00.000-08:00

Fifteen years ago today, I experienced a miracle. After a month of bed rest, weeks of dangerously high blood pressure, and 21 long hours of intense labor (without pain medication), our first child was born. I held her in my arms and studied each little finger and toe, filled with awe at the answer to our prayers. My whole life, I knew I wanted nothing more than to be a mommy, yet that didn’t come easily to me. As the months went by, bringing many anguished tears and desperate prayers, despair filled my heart. Questions tormented me, wondering what my life would hold if I could not be a mother. Thoughtless words spoken in jest by people cut me to the heart every Sunday at church, as one after another asked me why we weren’t having any babies, when my brother and his wife already had two. Finally, the joyful news was given to us that we would indeed…finally…be parents. I think it took days to really sink in and accept that motherhood really was in my future, that God had chosen to bless us with a child.

Just about the time that I grew used to the idea, miscarriage threatened. I couldn’t believe God would let us finally conceive, only to take this child from us. Again, desperate prayers and tears were sent up to heaven. Again, God listened and spared our precious child. After a rocky pregnancy, and a miserable labor, Molly Michele joined our family. I am still filled with an incredible joy when I remember that day, and remember what it felt like to finally hold in my arms the desire of my heart. She was so tiny, and perfect as she looked up at me with eyes full of trust. Alan and I looked at each other as we got ready to take her home from the hospital, thinking, “That’s it? Now we’re supposed to know what to do?” I remember a few days after she was born, I was sitting on the couch holding Molly and talking to my mother when the emotions (and the after-birth hormones!) overwhelmed me. I began weeping and looked at my mother and said with awe, “You really love me, don’t you?” I suddenly understood that mysterious thing called mother-love. She just smiled patiently at me and dried my tears, as she has done for so many years.

And now, seemingly in the blink of an eye, my baby is fifteen and a lovely young lady. I am still in awe of the miracle that has made me her mother, and I delight in watching who she is becoming. When I look at her, I see something beautiful…Jesus, shining in her eyes and in her life. She loves her Lord and follows him unashamedly. I have seen her stand up for her faith, unwavering in her beliefs. At an age where so many young girls are consumed with boys or makeup or texting on their cell phones, I see a quiet maturity. She is comfortable in her own skin, preferring dresses to blue jeans and anything vintage to modern. She cares deeply about the hurting and the lost, and it wounds her to see the world’s expectations of a teen. She refuses to lower her standards in order to fit in, and is resigned to being different than the average teen (see her blog at http://www.molly-nyat.blogspot.com/). When I see her solid convictions and faith, I am filled with joy.

Molly also makes me laugh. For such a serious girl, she has a remarkable sense of humor. While those who don’t know her well would be surprised to hear this (very few people see this side of her), she is one of the funniest people I know. She knows just what to do to make me laugh on a gloomy day, and I absolutely love spending time with her. She may seem quiet and reserved on the outside, but she inherited her father’s sense of humor!

When Molly was a little girl, people often commented that she never walked anywhere…she danced. We joked that she came out dancing! She dreamed of being a ballerina from the time she was barely walking, and I’ve watched her work with determination to reach her goal. This year, she auditioned and was accepted to dance en pointe, fulfilling her dream. When I watch her dance, she absolutely takes my breath away. Watching my precious girl express herself through ballet is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I am convinced that God created this girl to dance.

The biggest reason I wanted to have a daughter someday was so I could carry on the kind of relationship with her that I have always had with my sweet mother. Now that Molly is older, I am experiencing the delightful fruit of that relationship. She is someone I am proud to know, blessed to love, and honored to call my friend. Happy 15th Birthday, sweetheart. I love you and thank God for the privilege of being your mom. Keep dancing, stand strong, and know that I will always love you.

The Dancer

…written for Molly on her 13th birthday, with love from Mom

It doesn’t matter if anyone’s watching,
She dances not for praise
She spins and twirls and bows her head
As the beautiful music plays.

Her hands are clasped in worship
Adoration’s on her face
Her feet have wings to make her fly
Up to a holy place.

This dancer knows the One who sees
Is the Lover of her soul
He gave her life, love, joy and peace
His blood has made her whole.

So now she dances, full of grace
For this One her soul does praise
She’ll bring Him joy with the gift of her heart
As she worships Him all of her days.

Choose This Day

2009-01-01T11:55:00.000-08:00

Every year seems to fly by faster and faster. Here we are once again, beginning a new year and setting new goals and commitments, and it feels like just yesterday that we were beginning 2008. New Year’s always feels like a time of reflection to me, considering the past months and their ups and downs and looking to the future months and what I wish to change.

This morning, I was reading in I Kings 18 about Elijah and the prophets of Baal and one verse in particular really stood out to me. In verse 21, Elijah challenges the people of Israel by saying, "How long are you going to sit on the fence? If God is the real God, follow him; if it's Baal, follow him. Make up your minds!" The Israelites were wavering in their faith in the one true God, and turning to follow Baal, a foreign god. A test ensued, where the God of Israel put to shame the prophets and followers of Baal, proving in a dramatic way that there is only one God. (You can read the story in I Kings 18.) The people were overcome, and fell on their faces in worship, shouting, “God is the true God!” Their hearts returned to following the Lord (at least for awhile!) and they realized that they had to make a choice.

What does this have to do with New Year’s Day, you ask? In one word…everything. I believe God is calling us to make this same choice, today. We are so conflicted between following the Lord and being part of this world we live in. I see so many examples of this every single day, in our parenting, our choices, and the way we live our daily lives. We sit around and complain about the state of the world and how hard it is to raise our children to follow God, yet we participate in the very things that we claim to despise. We refuse to stand up and be different, to say “No” to ungodliness in its many forms, and to proclaim that we choose to follow Jesus.

This Christmas, I was blessed to have my entire family at my house for Christmas. I was watching my children and their two cousins, who are all devoted to the Lord. I was thinking about how we have more than replaced ourselves (the four parents) with a generation who loves God and desires to serve Him, and wondering what the next generation will be like. What would change in our world if we parents declared our total commitment to following God and raised our children to do the same? What if we jumped off the fence we straddle (between God and the world) and refused to be drawn in to our culture? What if we refused to participate in entertainment that profanes our Lord and instead spent that time training our children in righteousness? What if we took back our children’s education and taught them not only reading and arithmetic, but God’s word and holy living?

We seem to give up so easily and be drawn into this world that we reside in, but don’t belong to. We need to take courage and stand firm, knowing that the rewards we reap for following God wholeheartedly will far outweigh the cost. My prayer for 2009 is that my family will choose, today, to serve the Lord, to dare to be different (even if others mock us for that choice) and to step firmly down from that fence and walk assuredly toward the path that leads to life everlasting. As Joshua said, "Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:14-15

My Favorite Day of the Year

2008-12-24T10:13:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve is my absolute favorite day of the year. From childhood, I have absolutely loved Christmas, and Christmas Eve is my favorite part of the celebration. As a little girl, I loved the anticipation…the going to bed (usually on my cot at Grandma’s house), not being able to sleep because I was so excited, and listening for the tiny clatter of hooves on the roof. When my children came along, that anticipation was revived. My husband thinks I am the biggest kid of all on Christmas Eve. Now, I love the anticipation of celebrating Jesus’ birth and contemplating His return. I love the days leading up to Christmas, as we celebrate Advent as a family. I love the choosing and wrapping of gifts for the people I love, and the traditions that we hold dear in our house. But what I really love…is Christmas Eve.

If you know me, you know that I am a dyed-in-the-wool traditionalist. I want to celebrate birthdays on the exact day. I want to bake the same kinds of cookies every Christmas. I want to have special activities that we participate in as a family that don’t vary much from year to year. Each of the traditions that we hold for Christmas have been lovingly and carefully chosen, some continuing from my childhood and some added as we became parents with children of our own. All of them mean something to me, from the most insignificant to the most important. Christmas Eve at our house is filled with tradition…and that is probably why it is my favorite day of the year.

Christmas Eve at our house starts with a smorgasbord of appetizer-type foods, and lots and lots of cookies. This tradition came from my grandparents, who celebrated their wedding anniversary on Christmas Eve by fixing a big spread of such foods, and inviting their dearest friends and family. Growing up, we did this in our home, even in the years we couldn’t travel to be with my beloved grandparents. My children now expect this, and talk for weeks of the upcoming foods (most of which are enjoyed only at Christmas). It’s not fancy, but it’s full of memories and loving preparation. As my grandparents did, we often invite other people to join us, usually people who need a place to feel at home for the holidays, or are feeling alone.

We continue with the reading of the birth of Jesus, often acted out by our children in full costume (dish towels make great shepherd headpieces!). We sing carols, we light our final Advent candle, and we think about the greatest gift ever given. We celebrate the baby, sent to Earth for us, and we pray for His return.

Our favorite tradition is how we celebrate Jesus’ birthday. Every year, we each decide what gift we personally will give to Jesus for the coming year. It might be something we want to do for Jesus, or something we want to change for Him. Even the youngest child in our family will think of something they can give to Jesus, such as sharing their toys with their siblings. We then write this gift on a card and wrap them in a box with a big bow and place it under the tree. Every Christmas Eve, we open the box from the year before and share what our gift was and how God used it in the past year. Then we place our new gift in the box and tie it up once more. Each person is then given a helium-filled balloon and a magic marker, to decorate with symbols or to write something to represent the gift we have chosen. When we are all finished, we go outside underneath the stars, sing “Happy Birthday to Jesus” and release our balloons to heaven. I’m sure our neighbors have often thought we were crazy, but we don’t care--we are celebrating our Lord. And what could be a better Christmas present than that?

Feel free to leave a comment sharing your family's favorite Christmas tradition...

Christmas With Jesus

2008-12-17T21:41:00.000-08:00

There is a shadow of grief on Christmas this year. One of my best friends is losing her husband to ALS and my heart aches as I watch her family suffer. It won’t be long now…his kidneys are failing, he’s on morphine for the pain, and his time is running out. My friend is hurting, agonizing over her husband’s suffering, yet agonizing over his leaving as well. She loves him too much to wish his suffering to go on, yet the parting is tearing her apart. She knows that this isn’t the end and that she will be with him again someday, but someday seems so far away.

In the midst of the pain, I think of Christmas. I think of the agony God must have suffered when He decided to send His beloved, only Son down to earth to save a people who would mock him, revile him, crucify him. While the angels were rejoicing at Jesus’ birth, while the shepherds were overcome with joy at the good news, while the wise men journeyed many miles to find this special baby, God was weeping. He knew very well what would become of His precious Son. He knew we would reject him, beat him, and hang him on a cross. He knew there would be a time of separation, followed by a sweet reunion in heaven.

Paul will soon be with his Lord. He will be greeted with joy and with love by the Father who created him and has walked with him through this terrible suffering. Paul will cast off his wheelchair, his pain and his sorrow and walk beside Jesus on streets of gold. He will, at long last, be where he belongs. He will celebrate this Christmas, for the first time, with the One who made it all possible. While we are weeping, and mourning for his loss, he will be experiencing things we can only imagine. While we are celebrating Christmas and longing for the return of Jesus, Paul will be celebrating Christmas with Jesus. And some day, we will get to be there, too, and Paul will be waiting to welcome us home.

I don’t know why terrible things like ALS have to happen, especially to good people like my friend, but I do know that God isn’t absent in all this. He knows our pain, because He experienced it, too, voluntarily. He did this so we could have a home in heaven with him, so we could have peace, and hope, and joy. He is not absent in my friend’s life; He is there with her, sustaining her every day, giving her the strength to face each day and its challenges. He is there, holding her six children in the palm of His hand, storing up every tear that they cry and promising to be their Father. And He will be there, waiting to welcome Paul home as he breathes his last breath. Merry Christmas, Paul…it’s going to be your first REAL Christmas.

“First time to hear the angels sing,
Glory Hallelujah to the Risen King,
and a holy night is what this is,
for this is my first Christmas…”

from “My First Christmas” words and music by Carolyn Arends (c.2000).

A few hours ago, Paul was taken to heaven to meet his Saviour. For him, there is no more suffering or pain or sickness. Please pray for his family during this painful time.

Where Christmas is Found

2008-12-13T19:22:00.000-08:00

I have had many opportunities this last week to observe people as they go about their rituals, getting ready for Christmas. Christmas in America has become a crazy merry-go-round of activity, rushing from store to store and from party to party, standing in long lines at the post office to mail gifts to family and friends far away, and participating in children’s programs, plays and dance recitals. This year has been a small oasis of peace for our family, without all the usual activities of Christmases past. My oldest daughter has graduated out of her choir, reducing the number of Christmas activities for us this year. Our dance studio elected to take this Christmas off, giving us three weeks of no dance classes, and no recital this month. While a part of me is disappointed, as I enjoyed all the concerts and recitals and watching my children perform, another part of me is basking in the slower pace this season.

I started my shopping early this year and have finished up well before Christmas. As I went out today to buy my last gifts, I remembered why I like to shop early—there were people everywhere, grabbing and buying and loudly debating if they had to purchase a gift for so-and-so, and if so, what should that gift be. I heard lots of “oughts” and “shoulds” and saw very little joy on people’s faces as they contemplated those people who should mean the most to them. I heard people worrying about money, and how they would pay for what they were purchasing. I saw teenagers spending hundreds of dollars…on themselves, and rejoicing over the great “stuff” they were getting. I saw men buying bigger and better light displays, presumably to one-up the neighbors. I saw cranky children, pointing and whining, “I want THAT for Christmas”.

Truly, it made me sad. I thought to myself, “This is not Christmas.” I don’t believe that Christmas will be found in crowded shopping malls, busy concerts or elaborate light displays. I don’t believe it will be found in fulfilled wish lists, overstuffed plates or hectic parties. But have I seen Christmas this year? Oh yes, indeed I have.

I saw Christmas today as I went to visit my friend who is patiently caring for her husband, who is suffering with ALS. She cares for all his physical needs (which are not insignificant, being that he is on a ventilator now), patiently sits with him and deciphers his difficult speech, sleeps and eats little, and still finds time and energy to love on her six children.

I saw Christmas the other day when I was listening in on my children playing upstairs and heard my youngest ask her older brother if she could borrow one of his video games. The usual reply is “not right now”, and it caught my ear when I heard, “of course you can…you can use them anytime you want.” My heart smiled as I witnessed the spirit of Christmas invading my home.

I see Christmas every night as my family gathers around our Advent wreath to spend a few moments reflecting on the gift given to us at Christmas by our Heavenly Father. I see it in the wonder on my children’s faces, the sweetness of their prayers, the joy in my heart as we read the Scriptures foretelling Jesus’ birth.

Christmas is found in the most unlikely places. It won’t be found in frenzied shopping malls, harried schedules and raucous parties. It is found in the humblest of circumstances, the most hopeless of situations, and the darkest of nights. Where pain and suffering live, that is where Christmas can be found. Jesus came to bring hope to the hopeless and healing to the hurting. He is right there beside my friend, holding her hand as she holds her husband’s. He is with my children as they learn about the true meaning of Christmas and as their hearts fill with anticipation for the celebration of Jesus’ birth. He is with each of us, no matter our circumstances, as we enter this most holy of seasons…we only have to slow down, open our hearts and witness the miracle of Christmas.

Christmas is for You

2008-12-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

Last year, as we entered the busy ten days before Christmas, I recorded what our family calendar included: 2 choir concerts, 1 church rehearsal & program, 2 parties, 3 dance rehearsals, 2 days of dance recitals, not to mention the activities of normal daily life (teaching, cleaning, shopping, etc.). In talking with others, this seems to be the norm, not the exception. December has become such a busy time for most people that it seems to have become impossible to focus on what is truly important and why we celebrate Christmas. It often becomes so busy, noisy, and stressful that the beauty of what we celebrate goes unnoticed. So, fix yourself a cup of tea and join me for a few minutes as we contemplate the true meaning of Christmas.

Do you ever look at others and think, “Well, sure, they can feel all those Christmasy things like peace and joy, but they don’t have MY life. I don’t have time to breathe, let alone contemplate the deep meaning of Christmas!” Or, “My life feels so hopeless right now, how could I possibly feel joy or peace?” If you are feeling any of these things this year, then I’m here to tell you that Christmas is for you.

Think about the Jews living in Jerusalem or Bethlehem 2000 years ago. They were living under Roman rule, subject to unjust laws and taxes and oppression. They were desperately looking for a Messiah to come and rescue them. They were also living in a period of silence. It had been 400 years since a prophet had spoken to them, telling them of a long-anticipated Saviour. Yet still they hoped, believing He would someday come and rescue them. They were expecting a king to come and save them from their misery and hopelessness. They held on to the words of their prophets and put their hope in a Messiah that they earnestly prayed would come soon.

Then one night, a tiny baby is born in the city of Bethlehem, fulfilling all those prophecies of long ago. Into the midst of their darkness came a bright light, keeping God’s promise to His people. Although their Messiah did not come in the way they thought he should (as a conquering king), God fulfilled all their hopes through this baby who would grow up to die on a cross for their sins, bringing them the hope of forgiveness and eternal life.

This baby not only brought the people hope, but joy. In Luke chapter 1, an angel comes to a young woman named Mary, telling her that she will bear a child, conceived by the Holy Spirit. She is an unmarried woman, betrothed to a man named Joseph. In those times, unmarried women who became pregnant were subject to being stoned to death for their sin. How do you think Mary felt? She had to have been incredibly frightened! She was very young, yet she responded with incredible faith and trust in her God, replying with some of the most beautiful words in Scripture, “I am the Lord's servant.” When she visits her relative, Elizabeth, the baby Elizabeth is carrying leaps for joy in her womb at the presence of his Saviour. Mary responds with an amazing song of praise and trust (Luke 1). Now, I don’t know about you, but I would probably not have responded in this way to the news that I was to bear a child, though a virgin! I think I would have been overcome with anxiety over what my people would do to me or think of me. Yet through all this, God gives Mary peace.

This Christmas, do you need joy, or hope, or peace? The good news is this: Jesus came not only to bring these things to the Jews of long ago, but to you today, in whatever circumstances you are facing. He came to earth as an infant, giving up his rightful place in heaven with His father to come just for YOU. He wants you to come to His stable this Christmas and find him, worship Him and let him give you HOPE of a future in heaven with him. He wants to take your burdens and give you peace in exchange, the kind of peace that makes no sense to us, but is very real indeed. He wants to bring you joy in the midst of difficult circumstances, joy in knowing that you belong to Him and that He loves you beyond measure and that He is coming back to take you home with Him. He wants you to celebrate this Advent season by looking not only to the past and His coming to a stable in Bethlehem, but also to the future, and to long for His coming back and to pray for His return. This year, Christmas is for you.

Adventus Redemptoris

2008-11-30T18:15:00.000-08:00

I have always loved Christmas, starting when I was just a little girl. Christmas has always felt magical to me, and I’ve enjoyed it even more as a mother than I did as a child. A few years back, when our first two children were small, we took a long, hard look at how we celebrated Christmas, and made some major changes in our house. We decided to find a way to make Christmas more meaningful, and to create some new traditions to go with our old ones. Ever since, Christmas has been my very favorite time of year, and also my children’s. Starting about late October, my kids start asking, “How long until we start Advent?”

So…what is Advent? The word comes from the Latin “Adventus Redemptoris”, which means “the coming of the Saviour”. It is a season of preparation and expectation, waiting for the Birth of Christ and for His return. It is a way to focus our minds and hearts on what Christmas is really all about…not Santa and reindeer and snowmen, but the birth of a tiny baby in Bethlehem who changed the entire world forever. I guarantee it, if you will consider adding the celebration of Advent to your Christmas traditions, you will have a Christmas that is unlike any you have ever experienced--full of true joy and peace in the midst of all the craziness that Christmas can bring.

Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas…this year it begins November 30th. We celebrate Advent in our house by using an Advent wreath. The evergreen wreath itself symbolizes eternity (the idea that God is everlasting) and life (a symbol of newness and eternal life). The wreath contains five candles, each one representing something unique. The light of the candles itself symbolizes that Jesus is the light of the world, casting out fear and darkness. The first candle is purple (which represents repentance and longing for Jesus’ birth—it also represents royalty) and is lit on the first Sunday of Advent (11/30). It is called the prophecy candle and represents all of the prophecies in the Old Testament that Jesus fulfilled. The second candle is also purple and is known as the Bethlehem candle, which reminds us that God appeared to us in a humble form, being born in a stable. Bethlehem was located in the territory of one of the least powerful and least important tribes of Israel. This candle is lit on the Second Sunday of Advent. The third candle is rose-colored, and is called the shepherds’ candle. Rose is a symbol of joy and hope that Jesus is coming. The fourth candle is also purple and is called the angel candle. It symbolizes the angels’ peace and the message of good news that they brought, telling of the Saviour’s birth. The fifth candle is white (for purity), and is placed in the center of the wreath. It symbolizes Christ, the heart of Christmas.

The wreath is used by lighting one new candle each Sunday of Advent. The first Sunday (and every night that week), only the prophecy candle is lit. The second Sunday (and each night the second week), both the prophecy and the Bethlehem candles are lit. Each night of the third week (again, starting on Sunday), three candles are lit (prophecy, Bethlehem and shepherd candles). From the fourth Sunday until Christmas Eve, the first four candles are lit (prophecy, Bethlehem, shepherd, and angel candles). On either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, the final candle (the Jesus candle) is also lit. As more candles are illuminated, we know that the coming of Jesus is getting closer. The anticipation builds as we expectantly watch for our Savior, just like the Jews of long ago. In our family, we usually light the candle(s), read a passage of Scripture (see suggested readings below) or a special Advent devotional book (many are available at your Christian bookstore), sing a carol about Jesus’ birth, and spend some time in prayer. This is a time to be quiet, to be thoughtful, to take a few moments out of our busy lives and focus on the gift of the Saviour, given to us at Christmas. We often dim the lights and make it a very special time of family worship together.

How about giving your family a very special gift for Christmas…make the time to celebrate Advent this year. I promise you, it will be your best Christmas ever.

Suggested Advent Readings:
Week One
Sunday, Nov. 30 Isaiah 53; Isaiah 40:1-5
Monday, Dec. 1 Isaiah 52:7-20, Isaiah 40:9-11
Tuesday, Dec. 2 Isaiah 2:1-5
Wednesday, Dec. 3 Isaiah 35:1-10
Thursday, Dec. 4 Jeremiah 33:14-16
Friday, Dec. 5 Psalm 89:1-4
Saturday, Dec. 6 Isaiah 11:1-10

Week Two
Sunday, Dec. 7 Zechariah 6:12-13
Monday, Dec. 8 Micah 5:2-4
Tuesday, Dec. 9 Malachi 3:1-6
Wednesday, Dec. 10 John 1:1-8
Thursday, Dec. 11 John 1:9-18
Friday, Dec. 12 Mark 1:1-3
Saturday, Dec. 13 Luke 1:5-13

Week Three
Sunday, Dec. 14 Luke 1:14-17
Monday, Dec. 15 Luke 1:18-25
Tuesday, Dec. 16 Luke 1:39-45
Wednesday, Dec. 17 Luke 1:46-56
Thursday, Dec. 18 Luke 1:57-66
Friday, Dec. 19 Luke 1:67-80
Saturday, Dec. 20 Isaiah 7:10-14

Week Four
Sunday, Dec. 21 Luke 1:26-35
Monday, Dec. 22 Isaiah 9:2-7
Tuesday, Dec. 23 Matthew 1:18-25
Wednesday, Dec. 24 Luke 2:1-20 (Can now light Jesus candle in center)
Thursday, Dec. 25 Matthew 2:1-2; Luke 2:21-35

I'm Thankful For...

2008-11-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

Every Thanksgiving, we go around the table and share what we are thankful for that year. The answers have ranged from big things (we didn’t move to Kansas City, Grandma is now cancer-free) to small things (a new puppy, chocolate) and from serious to light-hearted. There is never a lack of things to be thankful for, even in years that have been difficult. God’s hand in our lives is always evident and our faith is always strengthened by the sharing of these things. This year, I feel overwhelmed by thankfulness…for who God is, and for what He has done.

Here are just a few of my “thank offerings”:
* I am ever so thankful that God IS…and that I am not Him. Life is so complicated and so full of trials, that I am blissfully thankful that I am not in charge. Thank you, Lord, that you are in control, no matter who is elected President or what is the state of our economy.

* I am deeply thankful that this world is not all there is…that Jesus came and died for me, so that I can look forward to a home in heaven with him.

* I am profoundly thankful for my parents and for the loving Christian home they raised my brother and me in. I am grateful for the things they taught me, for introducing me to Jesus, the unfailing love they offered and the legacy of faith they began in our family. I am thankful for the example of a loving, patient mother who understood the importance of motherhood. I am thankful for my dad, who has a heart the size of Texas and would give a perfect stranger the shirt off his back.

* I am incredibly thankful for my wonderful husband and for all he does for our family. I am grateful for how hard he works to provide for us, never complaining, even on difficult days at work. I am thankful for his unending love and faithfulness, for his wonderful sense of humor that keeps me laughing, and for his dedication to our children and our homeschooling. God has given this man so many talents and I am so thankful that I get to walk by his side and watch as God uses him to further His kingdom. After twenty years, he still makes my heart beat faster when our eyes meet across the room.

* I will always be thankful for my three precious children. I will never take them for granted after the months of wondering if God would grant us children at all…I know they are a miraculous gift and I treasure every day as their mother. I am thankful for Molly, and her valiant faith, her determination to follow God’s will for her life. I am thankful for how she is my right hand, helping me with every task. I treasure our late night talks and our Thursday night giggle fests over dinner at Café Mexicali. She takes my breath away when I watch her dance. I am thankful for Noah and his loving heart, which senses his mom’s every emotion. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of raising this remarkable young man who loves God and has big dreams. I am often awestruck at the amazing talents God has given him. I am thankful for Lexi, with her tender heart for both man and animal, and her joyful zest for life. I am grateful for every time she makes me laugh and smile and just enjoy the beauty of the world around me. She makes my heart overflow with joy when I watch her skip into a room, singing a happy tune.

* I am thankful for the church family that God has so graciously provided for us. He led us to just the right place at just the right time when we were hungering for Biblical truth, godly fellowship and a place to serve God together.

Truly, there are so many things to be thankful for this year…I can’t even begin to list them all. On Thursday, as we eat turkey with my brother and his family, my heart will be even more full than my tummy. Thank You, Lord, for all that you have so abundantly provided.

The Practice of Thankfulness

2008-11-24T07:58:00.000-08:00

One thing I have observed lately is that we seem to have lost something in our society…the art of thankfulness. We live in a country where we are extremely blessed. We have nice houses, plenty to eat and every form of entertainment known to mankind. Yet, if you look around, you’ll see unhappy people, clamoring for more. On a recent trip to a giant shopping mall in another city, we observed all the people, rushing from store to store in pursuit of yet another thing to purchase. In the news recently, there is much talk of how we have to get more money into the hands of the people, so they will purchase more things in order to stimulate the economy. We have entered the season of Christmas, where ads will abound telling us what we have to receive in order to make it a perfect Christmas. It’s all about getting more, more, more. What ever happened to being thankful for what we already have?

One of our primary goals as parents has been to teach our children to be thankful. We have found that this doesn’t seem to come naturally, and requires some concerted effort in imparting this to our children. It also doesn’t seem to be common in our society. From a very young age, we required our children to express their thanks for even simple things. In a restaurant, we taught them to order their own meals politely and then to say thank you when the waiter delivered their food. I can’t tell you how many times waiters have commented on their manners, which always makes me feel somewhat sad. Shouldn’t this be normal and not exceptional behavior? We have also required our children to write their own thank you notes when they receive a gift. We’ve taught them to express their thanks politely when someone does something kind for them, such as holding a door open or blessing them when they sneeze. Now, this act of being thankful is a habit in their lives and doesn’t require reminding. Being consistent in teaching these things when they were small has reaped a harvest of thankfulness in their lives.

How did we teach these things to our children? Mostly, it involves modeling. If your children observe you being thankful for what you have, they will be thankful, too. If they see you expressing yourself in thankfulness, they will be more likely to do so themselves. Occasionally, though, it has required more extreme measures. Once, when my oldest daughter was in first grade and going through a “grumpy” phase, we tired of her constant negative attitude. We began sending her to the bathroom to sing a few rounds of “This is the day that the Lord has made” (loudly!) until she could come out and be thankful. While, at the time, she thought we were being unjust and ridiculous, she still remembers this form of discipline and now laughs about it. On another occasion, our middle child was going through a phase of his own, being unappreciative and grouchy. We presented him with a new notebook and pencil and called it his “thankful” notebook. Whenever he was struggling with his attitude, we would send him to his room with his notebook to make a list of all the things for which he was thankful. We taught the children to take the words of Philippians 4:8 to heart and to think about things that are lovely and honorable instead of dwelling on what is negative.

As we enter into the celebration of Thanksgiving this week, take a look at your family. Are you living in a state of thankfulness or a constant seeking after more? Take the time to sit down as a family and talk about what God has given you and how you can show your thankfulness. Talk to your kids about what our forefathers endured in order to give them this great country that we have the privilege of living in. And instead of just serving up some turkey and mashed potatoes this Thursday, serve up something life-changing…the practice of thankfulness.

Wanted: Mother or Martyr?

2008-11-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

WANTED: Someone to fill a full-time (24/7) position, includes endless laundry, preparing three meals a day (plus countless snacks and drinks), dish-washing (every time you pass the sink), house-cleaning (never finished), running a household (and keeping track of each member’s schedule), chauffeuring (miles and miles per week, must also pump own gas), bill-paying, nursing (including the unpleasant duties of cleaning up after sick children), teaching (everything from manners to how to tie a shoelace to geometry), peace-keeping, police officer and judge (even when both sides think they are justified and there is no actual evidence to prove who is right), entertainment providing (to the frequent refrain of “there’s nothing to do!”), and other assorted duties. No holidays or sick days provided; pay is not negotiable (in other words, there isn’t any).

Does this sound like your job? Sometimes, this is what motherhood can feel like…an endless stream of chores, expectations and repetition. We feel like the maid, the nurse, the cook, the chauffeur. The repetition of each day’s activities can be tiresome, the sheer amount of work to be done overwhelming. Have you ever felt like this?

If this is your view of motherhood, no wonder you aren’t enjoying your role! Who in their right mind would apply for the position above?! Any woman would run as fast and as far as she could to avoid a job such as this. Yet this is what our world has convinced us that motherhood entails…being everybody’s unappreciated slave, with no benefits. Have you bought into this lie? Do you think that what you do is an endless litany of chores and housework with little reward, other than to fall into bed at night exhausted and then get up and start all over tomorrow? If so, bless your heart, no wonder you’re exhausted and joyless.

So, I’d like to tell you a secret…are you ready? It’s all in how you look at it. What?? Satan has stolen from us something beautiful and replaced it with something that seems ugly and unappealing. How has he done this? By convincing us that the description above is what choosing to be a mother entails. He has taken what God meant to be a noble and holy calling, and convinced us that it is unworthy of our talents. So, how do we combat this? By embracing what our Creator intended for us as mothers and by changing our vision of motherhood. When we step back and look at our role with a different perspective (an eternal one), suddenly the picture changes. When we realize the significance of what we are doing every day (impacting little hearts for God), we also realize that the things we are doing (even the seemingly endless tasks) have an eternal result, not just a temporary one. You are not just feeding those hungry mouths every day, you are feeding their spirits, teaching them to love and honor the One who made them. You are not just clothing them with jeans and sneakers, but with spiritual armor to fight the battle for their very souls. You aren’t just preparing them for pre-school, or high school, or adulthood, but for an eternity in heaven with the Lord of the universe. You’re shaping their hearts, their worldview, and their futures. Wow…who knew peanut butter and Pull-ups had such eternal significance?

So, how about this one…would you apply for this position?

WANTED: Loving, patient mother to nurture tiny souls for the Creator of the Universe. Opportunity to impact the future of the world by raising little ones to love Him with all their hearts and souls. Involves much heavy work and tears and prayer, but the rewards are beyond all that you can imagine. You will never be alone in this task, manager available 24/7 to offer support and encouragement. Instructions provided, with impressive results from faithful application of these principles. Rewards are diverse, ranging from the sweetest hugs and kisses ever known to an eternal reward of life in my palace (with all your loved ones) upon completion of your duties. Prerequisites include a humble heart and a willing spirit…this, too, can be provided upon request. Apply now for the most amazing experience of your life.

Which job would you like to accept? It’s up to you…it’s all in how you look at it.

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Mommy

2008-11-14T09:09:00.000-08:00

Have you ever asked your kids what they want to be when they grow up? I remember, when my children were small, some of the unexpected answers they gave me when I asked them this question. When my son was about three, he would likely have told you that he was going to be a pastor, a garbage man, and a “bad guy” when he grew up. My daughters would probably have answered with the more standard “a princess” or “a ballerina”. I’m not sure what appeal those three choices held for my son, other than possibly getting to drive the cool garbage truck, and I tried not to panic when he insisted on those future occupations. While my daughters will not likely marry into a royal family, they are already well on their way to their aspirations of being ballerinas. Now that my son is eleven, his goals have changed. He is considering a Christian movie producer/videographer, anything to do with computers, or, much to his mom’s dismay, a NASCAR driver. My oldest daughter has her heart set on becoming a physician’s assistant (and is laying out her high school plan to help her reach that goal). My little one is still thinking along the lines of ballerina or maybe a nurse. I know that God has great plans for each of them, no matter what they choose to do as a career. I’m doing my best to teach them the things they need to know to be successful whatever path they take, but I have hopes that one of their goals will be that of godly parenthood.

Have you ever noticed that girls in today’s world rarely answer “Mommy” when asked what they would like to be when they grow up? This saddens me…we’ve lost the vision of motherhood as being a wonderful and godly choice of careers. Our little girls are taught from the cradle that they can be anything they want to be…and this is true. But what’s wrong with teaching them that motherhood is a beautiful choice as well? I have to confess, as my girls get older, I am much less concerned with what job they choose to do and much more concerned that they catch a vision for raising godly children. My husband and I not only have a vision for what we want our children to be, but what we hope and desire for our grandchildren. We believe the Bible teaches us to have a multi-generational vision for our family. Raising a godly family goes way beyond just managing to raise our kids to leave the nest at 18 and fend for themselves. It is about creating a legacy of faith for our children, our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, and so on.

This must include teaching our daughters to respect and aspire to the role of motherhood. Am I saying that girls can’t be doctors or lawyers or teachers, or whatever else they choose? Of course not, but I am saying that if we don’t teach our daughters that motherhood is a divine calling, a beautiful choice worthy of their talents, then we will fail in our attempts to further the Christian family in our society. When I was in high school, I aspired to be a physician. I won several scholarships and intended to begin a course of pre-med in college after graduation. But, during my senior year, God convicted me that what I really wanted to be was a mother. I was also convinced that I couldn’t “have it all” and be the kind of mother I wanted to be. So, I walked into my guidance counselor’s office, told her my decision, and switched my future major to something else. She looked at me in disbelief, shook her head and with exasperation in her voice (and not a little anger), told me I was “stupid”. She informed me that I was wasting my brain and would regret it. Was she right? Do I now regret giving up medical school for staying home and raising and teaching my children? Absolutely not. I am convinced that I chose what was best and have not regretted it one day since. Our world is teaching our precious daughters that motherhood is something you “settle for”, not aspire to. We must counter this teaching with God’s truth…that motherhood is precious in His sight, and is a very worthy calling.
I am convicted, however, that we often fail in passing on this vision by the example that we set for our children. Do they see us enjoying motherhood or just grumbling about the next load of laundry or meal to be cooked? Do they observe us joyfully serving our families in love, or putting on the martyr act? Are we making motherhood something appealing and rewarding, or does it look to them like a drudgery? I cringe inside when one of my children says to me, “I’m sorry, Mom, that you have to work so hard” or “We’re sure a lot of trouble, aren’t we?” My heart melts as I realize that I’ve made them feel like a burden, instead of a joy.

The next time you pass a mirror, take a look at your face…what are you showing your children? Is the face looking back at you one that is delighting in the role God has given you or is it a stressed-out, unhappy visage? What you see in the mirror is the image of motherhood your children are forming…will they want to follow in your footsteps?

Tonight, on the way to church, I quizzed my youngest about what she wants to be when she grows up. She answered, “I want to be a ballerina…or a nurse.” After a moment of thinking, she added, “No, what I really want to be is a stay-at-home mom who homeschools her children.” I smiled and enjoyed the warm and fuzzy moment…until my oldest daughter spoke up. “Me, too, Mom, only I want to be a stay-at-home mom who brings my children to you to homeschool.” I think she was joking…

A Ray of Sunshine

2008-11-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

Nine years ago today, a little piece of sunshine came into my life. Her name is Alexandra Elise, and today is her birthday. Lexi came to us in a little different manner than our other two children. While we experienced infertility the first two times around, Lexi was our surprise blessing from God…a gift to celebrate our tenth anniversary. When my husband announced to me, on our anniversary trip to Hawaii, that he was positive I was pregnant, I just laughed. His proof was that I (an eater with a typically small appetite) was eating everything in sight. At dinner at “Cheeseburger in Paradise” (one of our favorite Maui places), I devoured not only my own ½ pound cheeseburger, but polished off his as well. My excuse was that I was simply enjoying a meal of my own, without sharing with my two small children at home. For those of you who don’t know me, I am a petite person, not accustomed to eating such portions. Alan kept insisting I was pregnant, and I kept laughing.

A couple of weeks later, after returning from Hawaii, I took a pregnancy test and was astounded to confirm that Alan was correct…our third child was due in November of that year. It was such a joy to know that God had blessed us with this child so soon after our decision to just trust him for a third child instead of pursue the medical options again. We quickly settled on the name Lexi (Alexandra for her “full” name) and chose “Elise” for her middle name as a testimony to what God had done (it means “My God is bountiful”). She was born in the middle of the night with her grandma and grandpa and great-grandma in attendance. Lexi was a tiny little thing (6 lb. 15 oz) and was easygoing from the moment she was born. She rarely cried, loved people and smiled all day long.

On our second day in the hospital, the pediatrician came to me and sat down beside my bed. He took my remote and turned off the TV (I remember I was watching “The Waltons” while I ate my dinner) and very reluctantly told me that he had discovered that Lexi had a hole in her heart. He was so apologetic, saying that he didn’t know how he could have missed it on her ultrasound. I remember replying that I was glad he had missed it…they couldn’t have done anything about it, and it would have ruined a very joyful pregnancy with worry. He told me that it was a very large hole, and in a bad place. It was possible, he said, for it to heal on its own, but very unlikely. This meant that our precious, tiny baby would likely require open heart surgery sometime before her 2nd birthday. I looked at her, sleeping peacefully in her bassinette and thought, “How can anything be wrong with her? She’s perfect!” The doctor left with these words, “I know you’re a Christian…you need to get all your friends praying.” So we did.

Two months later, we were scheduled to see the pediatric cardiologist from Denver. Our doctor had been monitoring Lexi’s progress weekly, checking her weight to see if she was thriving. Indeed, she was…she gained weight rapidly, ate well and seemed healthy. The cardiologist listened to her heart, abruptly pulled off his stethoscope and said somewhat gruffly, “What are you people doing here?” I patiently explained her condition and the location and size of the hole. He looked at me like I was stupid and replied, “There’s nothing wrong with this baby…she’s just fine.” I looked to our doctor for confirmation, who donned the stethoscope and confirmed the specialist’s diagnosis. He smiled and nodded and said that the hole in Lexi’s heart was healed. The specialist said that there was no explanation, that sometimes this just happened. We looked at our doctor, who had told us to pray, and smiled. We all knew exactly what the explanation was for Lexi’s healing.

Now that our little bundle of sunshine is nine, you can see that there is nothing wrong with her perfect little heart. She’s a joy, an energetic pixie full of life. She loves to dance (jazz is her favorite), read books, use her vivid imagination in many ways and most of all, to talk. Her quick mind and even quicker wit keep us entertained daily. Her love for God and for other people is something that brings us joy as we watch her mature in her faith. Her sense of humor is exactly what our family needed, as the rest of us tend to take life too seriously. She is a delight and a wonder, a colorful butterfly that flits from room to room, bringing joy into this mom’s life. Thank you, Lord, for your bountiful gift…my daughter, Lexi. Happy birthday, sweetheart…your mommy loves you very much.

Where Do We Go From Here?

2008-11-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight, we had a party. We decorated with red streamers, political posters and stuffed elephants and sat down with Grandma and Grandpa and lots of munchies to watch the election returns. I gave each of the kids a blank map of the USA and a red and blue marker to color in each state as it was called for either Obama or McCain. We started out with high spirits and lots of excitement, but as the evening wore on, our spirits drooped. We watched as Obama became the next president of the United States. We watched as our state replaced a beloved Republican Senator with a Democrat. We watched as our Republican Congresswoman lost to another Democrat after a very harsh and bitter campaign. Most devastating of all, we watched as 75% of Coloradoans voted that innocent, unborn babies do not qualify as “persons”. Our neighbors came over and we joined our hearts and spirits in prayer together for our country.

So, where do we go from here? As Christians in this country, we have suffered a resounding defeat. It feels like the end of the world, or at least the beginning of the end. The future seems bleak, and more than a little scary. It feels as if God has removed His hand of blessing and turned us over to those who do not fear Him. So, how should we respond? The answer is clear: we should respond in trust, and in faith, and in repentance. We should cling to the knowledge that God is still in control, and that we are safe in His keeping. Throughout the Old Testament, God used hard times to draw His people back into relationship with Him. In 2 Chronicles 7:14, God says, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

We need to repent—for our political apathy, for standing by and doing nothing while millions of babies are aborted every year, for not sharing the hope that we have with others, and for becoming so numb to the world that we live in that we don’t even realize what we’ve lost. God is calling us to rise up, to be silent no more. He is calling us to teach our children to be passionate followers of His, to be separate from the world and to never turn a blind eye to sin. He is calling us to trust Him, even when things look bleak. He is calling us to be the champion of the unborn, the protector of what is sacred and the voice of truth in a world that is drowning in lies.

We need to call on the name of the Lord and beg Him to forgive us. America is guilty of so many abominations. We can never be the country we were at its inception until we return to the foundation America was built upon…the Sovereignty of God. And if we do so, God promises to forgive us and to heal our land. We could, once again, be the great God-fearing country that our forefathers bequeathed to us. So, please, don’t wallow in discouragement and despair. Look at this as a new beginning, a revival of those whose hearts are committed to the Lord. Let’s be on our knees, praying for a new spirit to invade our country…one of whole-hearted devotion to God. And our heartfelt plea will be this…May God bless the United States of America.

It’s About More than Just Who Wins

2008-11-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

If your house is anything like mine, the upcoming election is a major topic of conversation. Lately, the conversations have centered around “what if’s”. “What if _______ is elected, Mom? Will we still be allowed to homeschool? What if he decides to outlaw Christianity?” This election year, my kids are old enough to feel some very real anxiety as they watch the debates, hear all the endless political ads and listen to the conversations all around them. Four years ago, they enjoyed watching the returns on election night, keeping track of the percentages for each side throughout the evening. This year, their understanding is much deeper and they have much more personal concern over the outcome. My two younger children even learned a harsh lesson about the ugliness of politics when a sign that my son had labored over and staked out in our yard (giving their political opinion) was vandalized (twice) with the opponent’s name spray-painted over their artwork.

As a mother, how should we use this election time to teach our children? First of all, it’s a great opportunity to teach our children about the electoral process. As they ask questions, share with them how our country chooses a president. Teach them how important it is to choose carefully whom they will vote for, and especially to choose someone who will follow God’s leading in governing our country. Teach them to pray for the leaders of our country, and to pray for the outcome of the election. Consider attending a political rally or volunteering some time for a local candidate. Giving your children an understanding of the process and a respect for the privilege of voting will help them to be ready to assume this responsibility when they turn eighteen.

Even more important than teaching our children the mechanics of elections is to be sensitive to their fears. As children get older, they will sense the anxiety felt by their parents as the election nears. Hearing adults debate the candidates endlessly, and hearing each side bash the other in political attack ads can be very stressful for children (and for me, too!). This year, especially, the candidates are so diametrically opposed in their moral values that the stress is very real. During this time, we have an opportunity to teach our children something far more important than how the government works. We have the priceless chance to teach our children that God, and only God, is in control, no matter what the outcome of the election.

In our family lately, we’ve talked a lot about what God could be doing in this election. In reading the Old Testament, it is painfully obvious that the Israelites only turned back to God in times of suffering. When things were going well, they would merrily make their own way, away from God. Many, many times, God handed the nation of Israel over to a more powerful enemy to draw their hearts back to His. In looking around at America lately, maybe it is time for Him to do the same to us. If things don’t turn out the way we’d like in this election, we are confident in one thing: God knows what He is doing. If the candidates we favor lose this election, it’s not the end of the world. Romans 13:1 tells us that “all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.” Help your children to find comfort in that fact…it’s a great lesson in learning to trust Him even when we don’t understand exactly what He is doing. Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord; he guides it wherever he pleases.” God can use any president, just as he did the wicked kings of the Old Testament, to accomplish His divine purposes.

So, in this time of political uncertainty, do your kids a favor. Set them an example, first of all by exercising your privilege to vote (and by voting for godly candidates), by praying for the leaders of our land and for the election, and, most importantly, by teaching them to trust in God’s sovereign plan for the future of this great land. Let’s raise a new generation of true American patriots, who understand that America was established to be a nation that honors God above all else.

Has the World Changed...Or is it Just Me?

2008-10-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

Lately, I’ve noticed that something is different. Things I used to enjoy no longer bring me pleasure, and in fact, leave me feeling uneasy and sometimes even defiled. Has the world changed that much, or is it me? Or is it just that I have changed in my perception of what is acceptable?

Last week, we took the kids to Disneyland while on our vacation in California. We happily walked up to an attraction that has been at Disneyland as long as I can remember. The Haunted Mansion was decked out in some new displays in honor of the upcoming holiday…Halloween. It was renamed “A Haunted Mansion Holiday” and had a new storyline. While we were waiting in the entryway (which appears to elongate and take you down into the depths of the mansion), a story was told about Halloween colliding with Christmas. It was a “Grinch who stole Christmas” type of story, with a character named “Jack” who came to ruin Christmas. People were laughing and pointing as we traveled through the mansion in “doom buggies” and watching as Christmas packages opened to reveal skulls and other scary fare.

All through the ride, which I’ve previously enjoyed many times (although without the added Halloween twist), I felt a coldness in my spirit. Watching “ghosts” travel around and seeing an animated head purportedly telling the future, I seemed unable to laugh. Looking around at the darkness and the portrayal of a spirit world, it struck me. Here was yet another instance of the world taking something dark and vile and turning it into entertainment for the masses. I could only look around and picture a laughing Satan and his henchmen, rubbing their hands with glee as unsuspecting people were taught to view something scary and evil as light and fluffy entertainment. It felt somehow sinister to me, like there was something roiling just under the surface that no one could see.

In the last couple of years, I’ve come to view Halloween much the same way. In previous years, we participated in Halloween, allowing our children to dress up in costumes and trick-or-treat in the neighborhood, without thinking too much of it. Then a few years ago, a friend gave us a pamphlet to read detailing the origins of this holiday. Halloween has its origins in the religion of Druidism, which is a pagan religion involving worship of evil spirits, particularly those believed to dwell within trees. As we learned more about this, we began to feel more uncomfortable with this holiday and whether or not it was appropriate for Christians. Finally, last year, as a family, we made a joint decision to no longer participate in this event. It gave me much peace to make a break with this tradition, feeling that we could no longer participate in it with a clear conscience. Even though I had previously viewed those who wanted nothing to do with Halloween as “extreme”, I now count myself among their number. The Bible is very clear about our having absolutely nothing to do with the occult (Deuteronomy 18:9-13). How can we claim to be Christians and then participate in a night that glorifies Satan?

In the same way, I’ve noticed that movies or books I enjoyed in the past now leave me with a bad taste in my mouth…particularly if we have chosen to share them with our children. Several times lately, Alan and I have rented a movie that we remembered enjoying as children, only to be appalled at the content when we tried to watch it with our kids. Movies that I remember seeing (sometimes more than once) as a child, and which were billed as family movies, are full of profanity and other unwholesome material. I’ve been surprised several times, as I don’t remember that being true (and I know that my parents were very careful what we watched). Obviously, the movies haven’t changed in the last 30 years, so it must be…me. I guess my ears are more sensitive to the sounds of foul language or the Lord’s name being taken in vain. I find myself more aware of the spiritual content as well, such as my recent experience at Disneyland’s “Haunted Mansion”. Maybe you’ll think I’m just turning into an old fuddy-duddy, but I think there’s more to it.

I’ve started to see that we gradually become coated with thick, hardened layers of shell the longer we are exposed to the world. It dulls our senses to what is impure and we are unable to even notice when things are not as they should be. Lately, I feel like God is patiently peeling off those layers, one by one, and leaving my sensitive inner soul exposed to the foulness of the world. In some ways, this is good, as it makes me more aware of the world’s influence on me and on my children. At the same time, though, this is painful, as it makes me feel like a foreigner in my own land…uncomfortable with all that I see around me. Maybe that’s what God is trying to teach me.

For more information about Halloween, please visit Ben Alexander’s website: http://www.espministries.com/topic_halloween.html

Marlin and Me

2008-10-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

We just came back to our condo from our first ever “Dive-In” movie. The resort where we are staying had a special showing of “Finding Nemo” shown on a big screen at the edge of the swimming pool. The kids thought it was quite unique to float around in the pool while watching one of their favorite movies. Alan and I enjoyed lazing in the beach chairs and watching our little fish and enjoying one of our favorite movies.

I had forgotten what a great message can be found in this charming movie. I can so identify with Marlin, Nemo’s father. At the beginning of the movie, he is shown to be an overly protective, somewhat neurotic father. He is so afraid of harm coming to his little fish that he prevents Nemo from experiencing much of anything. He is constantly warning Nemo of the dangers to be found in the ocean, and telling him all the things that he can’t do. Nemo finally rebels against this suffocating parenting style, and his rebellion gets him into serious danger. The movie goes on to portray Marlin’s desperate search to save his son and the lessons they both learn during their time apart.

I remember the first day we brought Molly home from the hospital. Alan and I looked at each other with a great deal of fear and trepidation upon realizing that we, alone, were now responsible for this tiny, fragile being. All of a sudden, we were the ones charged with the task of making sure this little person had food, shelter and all the emotional and spiritual nurturing necessary to grow them into a successful adult.

I remember the first time I held my son in my arms as he suffered from a serious asthma attack and as he struggled to breathe. I was filled with terror as he gasped and coughed, feeling helpless to provide his most basic need for oxygen. Many more of these nights occurred before Noah finally began to outgrow his very serious asthma.

I remember when the pediatrician came to me in the hospital and with tears in his eyes told me that my newborn daughter had a serious hole in her heart and would probably require open heart surgery a few months down the road. I looked at her perfect, tiny body and held my hand over her chest, feeling that heart beat and wondering if it would continue.

I once heard motherhood described as living forever with a part of your heart walking around outside of your chest. The fears and anxieties we struggle with as parents can paralyze us. We can be so consumed with the “what ifs” and the frightening possibilities, that we completely miss the joy and excitement of watching our children learn new things and celebrate new experiences. There came a point for me, as a new mother, where I literally fell to my knees and surrendered. I had to let go, and give God my children. They belonged to him anyway, and I had to learn to believe that He loves them best. I had to learn to trust Him with their lives, and with their futures. As hard as it was for me to accept, He loves them even more than I do, and He loves them perfectly. Psalm 112:7 became something to cling to: “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.”

Does this mean I no longer worry about all those horrible things that can happen? Unfortunately, no. Just ask my children…they will probably tell you that I constantly remind them to “lock the door” when I leave, rarely let them go to the restroom alone in a public place, and am frequently heard saying, “Be careful”. It’s an ongoing process, this letting go…and it doesn’t happen easily. But I believe that, ultimately, my children belong to God, and that He has good plans for them and that they are safe in His loving care. So, I’ll try to curb my Marlin tendencies, and give them room to grow…but I will gladly cross the ocean, just as he did, if my little fishies should need me.

Take Time to Enjoy Them

2008-10-19T09:43:00.001-07:00

I am writing this blog while on vacation in sunny Southern California with my family. We are enjoying about ten days of relaxation together as we get away from “real life” and spend some time playing together. Yesterday, we enjoyed a day together at Legoland, riding the rides and viewing the amazing Lego creations located throughout the park. While partaking in one of my favorite hobbies, people-watching, I was saddened to see how few people seemed to be enjoying themselves. I watched as harried mothers spoke sharply and unkindly to whining children. I saw disengaged fathers talking on Blackberries and ignoring repeated questions from their frustrated children, who got louder with each repetition of their unanswered question. I saw children begging for their parents to buy them something, and parents giving in just to make the demands cease. I saw brothers and sisters treating each other rudely, pushing and shoving and calling each other ugly names. Here we were, in a magical place, and people were so intent on hitting the next ride or buying the next toy that they weren’t even having any fun.

In contrast, we were having a great time. The weather was beautiful, sunny and warm. The park was uncrowded, since it was a school day (one of the benefits of homeschooling—you can vacation when nobody else does!). Our kids were excited to return to a place they had been previously and enjoyed a great deal. We weren’t on a schedule, and didn’t have any deadlines. My husband was NOT talking on his Blackberry and we felt free from all outside worries and responsibilities. The kids were having fun together, planning which attractions to ride, and which to skip. We felt unhurried and relaxed, just enjoying a day together as a family. At one point, as we were watching the kids ride something together, Alan turned to me and said, “You know, the next time Molly (our oldest) comes here, it could be with her own children.” The thought brought a pain to my heart as I realized how few family vacations we really have left with all five of us. It made me all the more determined to make the most of this trip, and to treasure these moments in my heart’s memory.

Life is so busy, and moves so fast. Sometimes we seem to forget that we really do only have our children for a season, not forever. In the midst of diapers and late-night feedings, it can seem endless. In the whirl of activities when they are older, it seems to slip through our fingertips like a wisp of smoke, gone before we can grasp it. I think Satan’s greatest tool to ruin us as parents is busyness. He distracts us with so much activity (even good ones) that we don’t realize how much time is slipping away from us. All of those important things we need to teach our children, or say to our children, or show our children are forgotten in the daily rush to get to the next soccer game. If he can just keep us busy enough so that we don’t focus on what really matters, he will win our children. And we make it so easy for him…

I challenge you today to look at your family life. When was the last time you just had some fun with your kids? When was the last time you gave your child your full attention as he told you about something that really matters to him? When was the last time you had a night of relaxing together, or playing a board game, or reading a book out loud instead of rushing off to sports or dance or a church activity? Look at your schedule and see if perhaps you need to make some changes. If you feel worn out, frazzled and unhappy, maybe there’s a reason. Make a pledge to take back your schedule and refuse to let the world dictate how you spend your time. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses—prayerfully consider what activities God wants your family to be involved in. Don’t fall for Satan’s lie that you are a bad mother if you don’t give your children all the opportunities that “everyone else” has. I remember facing a lot of criticism from others when my children were little because I refused to put them in preschool. I felt that it was more important for them to be home with me in those few years before they started school (we hadn't yet decided to homeschool them). I can assure you that my children bore no ill effects from the lack of preschool in their lives…in fact, they all learned to read before kindergarten.

Remember, God gave us these children to teach and train, but also to enjoy…are you enjoying yours or just rushing them from one activity to the next? All too soon, they will be grown and will lead busy lives of their own. Make sure you don’t miss out on this very precious time…and now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go have some fun with my kids out in the California sunshine.

Blinded By Darkness

2008-10-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

In a recent sermon at our church, our minister made the statement that darkness not only hinders sight, it causes blindness. I wrote that statement down so I could ponder it later, knowing that my over-forty brain wouldn’t remember it until I got home. Later, it came to me that I had once learned about a type of fish that originated in the dark caves of Central America, and that no longer had eyes to see because they had lived in total darkness for so long. Their bodies had adapted to the darkness all around them, and done away with a sense that was deemed useless. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that we, as Christians, are also living surrounded by darkness, just of a spiritual type rather than a physical one.

We are surrounded every day by images, music, advertisements and temptations that are the antithesis of the holy life we are supposed to live as Christians. Turn on the TV for just a few minutes and you will be appalled at the immoral messages being conveyed during prime family time. If the shows don’t disgust you, just wait for the commercials! As I was watching one of the few acceptable shows left on TV with my children tonight, we had to loudly cover up a commercial that was definitely inappropriate for little ears (and maybe mine, too!). I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it seems as if the boundaries are pushed farther and farther from what is pure every year. I remember as a child, my parents were very strict about what we were allowed to see on TV. While all my friends were watching “MASH” and “Three’s Company” and other such sitcoms, we were prohibited. My parents were very vigilant about what went into our minds and hearts, and for that I will be eternally grateful. What scares me is that now those shows would be considered very innocuous and innocent compared to today’s offerings, such as “90210” or “Sex in the City” or “Desperate Housewives”. Looking back, I can see that the darkness has gotten darker…and I fear for our vision as Christians and as parents. My husband and I have discussed how we constantly discover things that are in our worldview (how we perceive the world and right and wrong) that conflict with God’s teachings, yet we were unaware because they were so skillfully and deceptively introduced into our lives.

I fear that we have become numb to what is acceptable and holy in God’s eyes. Are we protecting our children from the darkness, or do we just say, “Well, that’s just how the world is…I can’t do anything about it.” Are we becoming blind to Satan’s tactics to win our children’s hearts? My husband and I have tried valiantly to protect our children from the world’s influence. We carefully monitor the movies, books and entertainment that enter our home. We homeschool our children so we can educate them in a God-honoring environment. We refuse to buy clothing for our children that we deem to be immodest or disrespectful. But is this enough? How do we counter a culture that is saturated with darkness?

There is only one answer...the only thing that drives darkness away is light, and the Bible tells us that Jesus is the light that shines on the “land of the shadow of death” (Isaiah 9:2, Matt. 4:16). It isn’t enough to simply shield our children from the darkness; we must also lead them to the light and teach them how to battle the darkness. As our children have gotten older, we have not just protected them from the world, but taught them how to deal with it. We often will discuss with them what we see or what we read in newspapers and ask them what they think of it and how they think God views it. We look at Scripture together to see what a Biblical worldview looks like and teach them how to deal with temptation and peer pressure. We are not naïve—we know our children will have to face living in the world as adults. We would be doing them an injustice if we simply sheltered them all of their childhood and then turned them loose in the world. Our vision for our kids is bigger than that…we want to raise world-changers, not world-avoiders.

I challenge you to think carefully about what you allow into your home. Take the time to talk to your children about the things that they see and experience and help them to develop eyes that see the world through God’s perspective. Evaluate your own worldview, and make sure it lines up with God’s word. Don’t be surprised if you find things of the world that have permeated your life…you are living in a land of darkness, and spiritual darkness causes spiritual blindness. Ask God to show you anything in your life or in your children’s lives that needs to change, and ask Him for the strength to do so. Decide to stand firm against the culture, even if it leads to judgment or ridicule from others. Don’t be like those fish…wait too long or be too indifferent to the world’s influence, and you, too, will lose your sense of vision.

His Name is Noah

2008-10-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

Eleven years ago today, my son was born. After fifteen long hours of labor, a very still, very blue little boy made his way into the world without making a sound. The doctor rubbed him vigorously, disentangled the abnormally long umbilical cord from around his body and handed my beautiful baby boy over to a nurse, who performed the preliminaries, let me hold him briefly, and then whisked him off to the special care nursery. His Apgar scores were low and his muscle tone pitiful. It would be an hour or two before I would see him again and be assured that he would be okay. When we went in to see him, he had a “cake pan” on his head (delivering oxygen) and he looked so tiny and vulnerable. While he was just under a healthy eight pounds, his entry into the world was scary. If it hadn’t been for the wise doctor who delivered him (and who talked a very determined woman into an epidural), we very well could have lost him. The umbilical cord was around his little body and the prolonged labor was weakening him and causing his heart rate to drop. Once the epidural was in place, the labor progressed quickly and our baby was born within the hour. As we gazed at him in his bassinette in the hospital nursery, we stroked his tiny feet and thanked God for saving his life.

Throughout my pregnancy with our son, we knew that God had plans for this baby. We had several scares of threatening miscarriage and yet peace prevailed in our hearts. God gave us the strongest sense that everything would be fine, even when it seemed to defy logic. At one point in my pregnancy, my brother put his hand on my burgeoning belly and prayed for this child, voicing his sincere conviction that this child was going to have a special purpose designed by God. A few months into this rollercoaster pregnancy, my husband came to me and said that he knew what our baby’s name was. When he told me, I somewhat doubtfully said, “maybe”. A few days later, standing in line at the pharmacy to get some medication for our older daughter, who was ill, I picked up a baby name book and idly thumbed through it. I turned to the name chosen by my husband and read: “Noah—meaning peace, comfort and rest.” A shiver went up my spine and a thrill through my spirit. “Okay, Lord, I get it. His name is Noah.” My husband and I had often talked about the unusual peace we felt during all of the stress of this uncertain pregnancy. Although we had not been told the sex of this baby, I felt pretty sure at that point that it was indeed a boy…and his name was Noah.

Noah has lived in our house and our hearts for eleven years now, and I am still filled with wonder at God’s hand upon him. He is a special boy, with many talents and a heart full of love for his Creator. He is a talented musician, both on drums and guitar, a gifted actor and a whiz with computers. He is creative, artistic and intelligent. He is sensitive, and reads his mom like a book. He seems to sense whenever I am down, or worried, or sad. He loves to help me with whatever task I am working on, and loves to spend time with his dad. Is he perfect? Of course not…just ask his sisters! But what gives me the most joy is watching his growing love for his Heavenly Father. Three years ago, he gave his life to Jesus and I’ve watched him grow in his Christian walk and learn to share his faith with others. It really doesn’t matter to me whether he grows up to be a famous musician or movie director, or a scientist who cures cancer. It only matters that he stays on the path of truth and never strays from his commitment to Christ. If he accomplishes this task, then the words of Proverbs 23 will hold true for me: “My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad…my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right…The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.”

Those tiny feet we lovingly stroked are but a distant memory…I can now slip my feet into my son’s shoes to run to the mailbox. He almost reaches my shoulder and his voice no longer sounds like his sisters’ on the phone. He can do so many things, some of them far better than I can. But he is still my little boy, and I will always hold that picture of him in my heart. I know that God has great plans for him, and it thrills me to know that I get to be a part of raising this little boy into a great man of God. So, today, on his eleventh birthday, I will say a prayer, thanking God for letting me be Noah’s mom, and giving me the awesome gift of sharing in his life. Happy birthday, my precious son…your mom loves you very much.

Weeping Over Jerusalem

2008-10-04T13:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am suffering... my heart hurts, I feel sick to my stomach and I feel overwhelming despair. No, I haven’t come down with the flu or any other form of illness. Tonight, the pain is in my soul. Our evening started out on a high note. My husband and I left for an evening out together, to enjoy one of our favorite pastimes. We had tickets to a local dinner theater and were happily anticipating a play we had never before seen and that was touted as one of the funniest and most enjoyable plays to grace the stage. We have season tickets to this dinner theater, and have enjoyed many date nights together watching a play and talking over dinner and dessert.

The play began, and in the first five minutes, my spirits sank. The language in the opening song contained several profanities, the costumes were less than modest and the dancing provocative. As the story progressed, things went from bad to worse. There was more profanity, promiscuity and homosexuality portrayed with each scene. We sank down in our seats and refused to applaud, waiting for the end of the interminable first act so we could pay our bill and escape. As I looked around me, my heart began to ache. The room was full of people laughing and applauding, greeting each new disgusting act with hilarity and approval. In the front row sat a family with a 10-year old girl, celebrating her birthday. I watched as she took in things that were utterly inappropriate for her eyes, and as her parents howled with laughter. A feeling of nausea rose within me, as I realized that we were perhaps the only two people in the entire theater who felt offended by these acts portrayed on the stage. As the first act finally, and thankfully, came to a close, we quickly ate our desserts, paid our bill, and fled. As we walked out into the cool night air, I felt defiled and overcome with sorrow. I thought about Jesus as he wept over Jerusalem, and I began to cry as I mourned for my city.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the children present in that theater, and the awful things that had been implanted in their brains and presented as “normal” and acceptable. I thought how they had seen something that God had created to be sacred and beautiful profaned, both by the immoral sex presented and the rampant homosexuality. I looked at my husband and said, “I hate that this is the world we have to raise our children in!” Now, I’m sure that most of the people in the theater tonight were nice people, many of whom were possibly even Christians. Yet, they were so numbed by the world to what is profane, that they laughed at and enjoyed the spectacle, just like anyone else. As far as I know, we were the only ones to leave the theater at intermission…why wasn’t anyone else offended? I’m sure that some would label us old-fashioned or even judgmental for our disgust. Yet, God makes it clear to us that we are called to be holy and set apart and that we are to have nothing to do with the darkness.

Alan and I have commented many times lately that the older we get, the more conservative we get. As our children have gotten older, we are even more concerned with the things they are exposed to and how to counteract the culture. We have less and less desire to be a part of this culture, and more and more to know God and to live within His parameters. We see that this world has caused nothing but pain and sorrow and regret, and that only by shaping our lives to His will can we truly have peace. As we were getting ready to leave our table tonight, we overheard a comment by a lady at the table below us. She said to her companion, “Isn’t it wonderful to have an evening out filled with laughter.” Laughter that stems from polluted thinking isn’t refreshing to the soul…it is like the hysterical giggling of an overtired child which often deteriorates into tears.

It was an eerie feeling tonight…looking around the room at a bunch of people lost in hilarity and feeling like the only sober person in a room full of drunks. I felt as if we were the only ones who could feel the darkness and see that the man behind the curtain was really a horrible and bloodthirsty demon named Satan, instead of a nice, safe, “Wizard of OZ”.

I definitely don’t think we’re in Eden anymore…and I can’t imagine how Jesus must weep over us when he looks down on the moral cesspool we live in, full of people who are selling pieces of their soul for a little entertainment. I am so incredibly weary of having sin shoved down my throat every time I turn around. I am tired of being sold a bill of goods that says that promiscuous sex and homosexual relationships and anything that makes you feel good is okay. I’m tired of seeing children exposed to ugliness and profanity and immersed in darkness instead of light. When will we stand up and say, “Enough!”?

I feel a little like Dorothy, wishing I could tap my heels together and say, “There’s no place like home…” and be transported to heaven, where all is pure and holy, and laughter springs from the joy of being with our Heavenly Father, not from something that leaves us feeling defiled and unclean. Tonight, I am weeping for Fort Collins, and for America, and I am certain that Jesus is weeping with me.

Glimpses of Beauty

2008-10-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to a definite conclusion…sometimes, life is hard. I’ve watched loved ones suffer, watched the world deteriorate and felt the pain that life often brings. But, in those times of darkness, I’ve also seen real beauty…the glimpses of something radiant through the rain. Those glimpses seem to shine all the brighter in the midst of suffering, like a vibrant rainbow visible only after a storm.

Beauty is my friend, who patiently cares for her husband, who is dying of ALS. It is the pain on her face as she agonizes over wanting him to linger forever, and wanting his suffering to end. Beauty is the love that shines in her eyes as she tends to his physical needs and tries to keep their family functioning.

Beauty is my mother, enduring breast cancer without self-pity. Beauty is her enduring painful recovery from surgery without complaint, then turning around, as soon as she is able, to pass on the kindnesses she’s received to others who are hurting.

It is watching my church family rally around someone who is struggling and meeting the needs of those who are suffering. It is the Sunday school teachers who patiently teach each week, loving the children and teaching them about Jesus. Beauty is watching the faces of those gathered each week to worship together, lifting their hearts and voices in praise to their Creator.

Beauty is the look on my husband’s face as he gazes on our sleeping children. It is the patience as he gently teaches them to play a guitar chord, or change the oil in a car, or to fix a computer. It is the tenderness in his hands as he gathers them close for a moment, to hug, or tickle or tease.

I saw beauty in the lines on my grandmother’s face, earned by years of loving her family and providing for them, no matter what life brought her way. It was in the wrinkles on her hands from decades of hard work, serving those she loved. It was the gray of her hair, witness to the many trials she bore with grace and courage.

Beauty is a young mother, too exhausted to even sleep, yet patiently tending her children with a loving and gentle spirit. It is in a prayer offered up for guidance, feeling overwhelmed and yet determined to be all that her young children need. It is choosing to read one more story, give one more hug, instead of rushing off to fold laundry or wash dishes.

Beauty is my parents, celebrating almost 48 years of marriage, and the spark that still lights up their hearts. It is my father, tenderly caring for his bride when she is healing from surgery. It is my mother, meeting my father’s needs before he is even aware of having them. It is the beauty of commitment promised and honored without flagging.

None of these things would exist without the beauty of the One that surpasses all of these…a God who loves without failing, forgives without limit, and gives grace without recompense. They are a testament of who He is, and how He reaches down to each of us, in tenderness and compassion. So the next time you are overwhelmed with the difficulty of life, open your eyes a little wider and look around you…there is beauty to be found here on earth, in the shadow of heaven.

Whatever You Do, Don't Ask Me About...

2008-09-26T19:05:00.001-07:00

Ever since we started homeschooling, I’ve been bombarded with questions everywhere we go. Checkers in the grocery store, other parents, curious neighbors all seem to feel led to ask me many questions about our choice to educate our children at home. I used to feel like an oddity whenever I’d take my children out in public with me in the middle of the day. I almost felt guilty, like we were doing something wrong and people were looking at us thinking, “Those children should be in school!” I found that there were many preconceived notions about what homeschooling families were like, and that while some were admiring of our choice, others were quite judgmental and disdainful of us.

Most of the time, people were genuinely curious about what our life looked like. I have to say, we received more positive comments than negative, (such as “Wow…that’s great. I wish I could do that.”), and people were usually supportive (“good for you”). Occasionally, however, someone would feel it necessary to give me their very biased opinion on why homeschoolers were ruining the public education system (excuse me?) and berate me soundly for pulling my children out of the government-run schools. I usually tried to move on as quickly as possible, before my temper overcame my Christian charity. Fortunately, those instances were few and far between, and I soon became comfortable going about our business, no matter what time of day it was that we were out in public.

I have found that I genuinely love it when people ask me legitimate questions about homeschooling. There is nothing that gives me more pleasure than mentoring a new homeschooling mother, sharing tips I have learned and helping with curriculum choices. I don’t mind people’s curiosity, either. I know we look different than the average family and that people want to know what we do every day. I love what we do, and am thrilled to share what we’ve learned and how it has dramatically changed our lives. I do have to confess, though, that there are questions that set my teeth on edge.

First, my very least favorite question about homeschooling…”But when do you have time for yourself?” I’d love to just answer with the truth, “Well, I seldom do”, but I wouldn’t want to scare off prospective homeschoolers with the unvarnished truth! The truth is, yes, I’m very busy. If I’m not teaching my kids, I’m grading their work or planning for the next day’s or week’s lessons. If, by chance, I’m caught up on all of that, then there is always laundry to do or bathrooms to clean. But, honestly, so what? We have chosen to home educate our kids because we feel it is what God has called us to do. We think it is best for them and best for our family. How could that possibly compare with time for myself, to scrapbook or go shopping or get my nails done? I love my kids, and I love spending time with them. Sure, there are days when I’d love to just go to the bathroom without hearing, “Mo-o-o-o-m!” outside the door. But God has given me an understanding that the day will come, all too soon, when my job as a mother will be complete. Maybe then, there will be time for things I enjoy doing. But for now, my job is to teach and disciple my children, and I will happily devote myself to that task. Does that make me a saint? Of course not. I confess there are times when I hide in my closet (it’s a BIG closet) to have private phone conversations with my friends, or times when I beg my husband for a few hours off by myself, which he graciously provides. But I refuse to buy into Satan’s lie that I deserve “my time” when God has bountifully provided three beautiful children who need me, and are so much more important than anything else I could choose to do with my time. Because I asked Him for it, He has also given me a true love for homeschooling. It is definitely the hardest task I have ever undertaken, but I truly enjoy both the process and the results I see in our family.

Another question I cringe upon hearing is this: “How can you do that? I could never do that.” My answer to that one is: Yes, you can. God has never asked us to do anything that He is not willing to provide the ability or character to fulfill. If God calls you to homeschool your children, it doesn’t matter if you are a gifted teacher, or extraordinarily patient…He is all of those things and He is able to do “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (Eph. 3:20). Don’t miss out on a huge blessing that God could have for your family because of fear or feeling incapable. If God can slay a giant through a little boy named David, surely He can render you capable of teaching your children! After all, public schools have only been around for a couple of hundred years…for centuries before that, parents taught their children at home. I’m sure that all those parents weren’t “natural” homeschoolers!

The one question that is probably the most commonly heard by homeschoolers is this: “But what about socialization?” The definition of socialization is “the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture”. Our answer to this question is simply this: We choose to have our children socialized by us, and by well-chosen companions, not by their peers. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” We have no desire for our children to look like the surrounding culture. Our children have plenty of friends, and are very comfortable spending time with not only their peers, but adults as well.

On the lighter side, here are some questions I have actually been asked:
--“Do you really only have 3 children? I thought all you homeschoolers had 12 children!” (Many homeschoolers do have large families since we view children as a blessing, not a curse—God chose to bless us with three.)
--“Don’t you homeschoolers all grind your own wheat and bake your own bread?” (Nope…whatever wheat bread is on sale is what graces our table.)
--“What went wrong at your house? Your kids are so polite.” (This one left me speechless.)
--“How did your kids get so smart?” (Yes, that one insulted me.)
--“Aren’t you worried that you can’t teach them high school?” (Well, I graduated high school and college with honors, so I must know something! Surely I haven’t forgotten everything I learned, or how to look up what I don’t know.)

So, if you’re curious about homeschooling, please feel free to talk to me. Just, please, keep in mind that we are just like you…trying to do the best we can for the children we love. And, please…don’t ask me when I have time for myself.

"Just" a Stay-At-Home Mom

2008-09-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a lot of confusion these days about the role of motherhood. Some view motherhood as something you settle for, giving up career possibilities and fulfillment of dreams. Others view motherhood as something they were perhaps thrust into by circumstances such as an unplanned pregnancy. A few view it as something they have chosen and desired. I recently read another “modern” view of motherhood: that of “lifestyle option”. In other words, it’s okay for some women, but not for others; it is something that you choose out of a plethora of other choices. This past summer, I conducted a study on the role of motherhood—not only the world’s view, but also how God views mothers. My heart was burdened when I saw how few women really understand the awesome task that has been set before us as mothers and how the false images imposed on us by the world have made our task even harder.

In the past, motherhood was something that was revered. In art and literature, the picture of motherhood was something beautiful, something desirable. Children were perceived as a blessing to the family, and as contributors to the family well-being. In paintings, mothers were depicted as almost saintly, often with haloes above their heads. In our modern day society, how do we see mothers portrayed? Think of the last TV show you watched or movie that you saw. Mothers today are often portrayed as worn-out, frazzled and resentful, screaming at their children and complaining about their husbands. They are perceived as “just a mother” instead of a successful career woman. How many times have you heard the term “just a stay-at-home mom”? When I first left my job (as a successful medical sales rep) to stay at home with our first baby, I remember being somewhat embarrassed at my husband’s office parties when asked, “And what do you do?” Somehow, it felt as if I were less worthy if I didn’t have a “real” job. When I replied that I was a mom, the questioner would usually respond with a patronizing, “Ohhh”, and turn quickly to talk to someone else. In spite of the fact that I knew I was where I wanted to be (home with my children), I still felt belittled and looked down on. I came to love the people who would respond, “Oh, good for you.” While I never questioned my decision to stay at home with my children, there were days when I battled the world’s whispers in my mind, telling me I was settling for something less than the best. I could hear the voice of my high-school guidance counselor in my head, telling me I was “stupid” for giving up my dream of medical school because I wanted to someday be a mother (yes, this really happened). Fortunately, I had a strong support network of other mothers who felt God’s call on their hearts to full-time motherhood, as well as the example of my own mother, and quickly learned how to be content at home. Now, after almost 15 years of full-time mothering (and now homeschooling as well), I can honestly say I never feel ashamed when asked what I “do”. I proudly tell them that I am raising and educating my children, and that they are a blessing to me and my husband. What made the difference in my heart and attitude? Easy…it was coming to understand that God’s call to mothers is a divine and noble thing, and that I am not settling, but embracing God’s best for me and my children.

God actually has quite a bit to say in His word about mothering. In Genesis 1:26-28, He tells us that we are made in God’s image, to reflect who He is. He gave us the task of making the earth productive; that also involves raising children who will carry on this task. In the Garden of Eden, God’s design was for men and women to partner and bear children and within the context of that family, learn to bring Him glory on this earth. God views children far differently than our world does today. In Psalm 127, God says that children are a blessing and a reward from Him. He also gives us a comforting picture in Isaiah 40:11 of how He leads us as we nurture our children: “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” I love this image of God as our shepherd, gently guiding us as we lead our little lambs.
Scripture clearly shows that God views motherhood as a divine calling, not just something we settle for or are forced into. HE chose YOU to raise your children; it didn’t happen by default, no matter the circumstances of your children’s conceptions or births. Isn’t that humbling? The Creator of the Universe chose YOU and gave you these little hearts to shape and mold to bring Him glory. It didn’t happen by accident. God lovingly created each of your children (Psalm 139) and placed them specifically in your family. Understanding this concept will transform how you view your role as their mother. When you are changing that 20th dirty diaper of the day, or cleaning up spilled Cheerios (again!), or reading “The Cat in the Hat” for the third time in a row, remember this: You haven’t “settled” for a lesser job, you’ve chosen to be obedient to the God of the universe and honor Him with your decision to give your heart and time to your children. Maybe the way you spend your days isn’t glamorous, but it will have eternal ramifications. You are raising the next generation to love the Lord and live for Him…and who knows? Maybe they will be the ones to change the world.
Please understand that I am writing this specifically for stay-at-home moms. I know there are many of you who have chosen (or been forced by circumstances) to work outside the home (and that this can be a sensitive subject). I am not condemning you for that choice. I would not presume to judge you for what God has placed on your heart or to say that He cannot use you in a mighty way in the working world. I am simply trying to encourage those who have chosen to stay at home with their children, and who feel condemned or less worthy because of that choice. No matter what your circumstances, if you are a mother, then your role is a noble one. We are all responsible for raising our children to know and love the Lord, and yet our culture has placed so much false guilt and so many impossible expectations on us that we have lost sight of our primary calling. Next time you are struggling with your role as a mom (whether you are full-time at home or not), remember this: God chose you and He will equip you with what you need to accomplish this daunting task. Will you throw off the world’s teachings and embrace the role that God has given you? Then our tasks will be a joy and not a burden, and our reward will be beyond all imagining, both here and for eternity. After all, God doesn’t see you as “just” a stay-at-home mom, but as someone created in His own image with a noble calling and purpose.

Where Have All the Grownups Gone?

2008-09-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pastimes, when out in public, is people-watching. I confess to being a quite curious onlooker, always noticing the people around me and constantly aware of others’ conversations, emotions and actions. When my husband and I are out together, he can be completely oblivious of the people around us, while I rarely miss a thing that happens in our general vicinity. I am just wired that way…with a people radar that just won’t turn off. Sometimes, this is a good thing, enabling me to be sensitive to others’ needs and emotions. Other times, I wish I could turn it off, as I get discouraged watching the way people relate to each other. Lately, there seems to be a common thread in my observations about parents and their children…the grownups appear to be missing. No, I don’t mean that they’ve been abducted by aliens and the children are running around unsupervised. Instead, it appears that we parents have forgotten that we’re supposed to be in charge and have abdicated that role of authority.

During a recent trip to the grocery store, I had the misfortune of following a mother and her young daughter. The girl was about four years old, and had long figured out who was in charge…and it wasn’t her mother. She whined and manipulated her way down each aisle, begging for desired items and threatening to break into a tantrum if she was refused. As soon as the storm clouds crossed her face, her mother would begin to backpedal. “Oh, okay, honey, you can have that cereal/cookies/chips/etc.” I watched in disbelief as the girl controlled the majority of the purchases her mother was making. She spoke very disrespectfully to her mother, never receiving a reprimand. I seriously thought about changing my route in the store to avoid listening to this, as it made my heart ache. Here was a child, only four years old, who already knew how to get everything she wanted. She firmly believed that she deserved these things, and that it was her right to have them. My mind fast-forwarded to the future, picturing this girl at sixteen, demanding iPods, new cars, expensive clothes, and the freedom to do whatever she dared, with no thought for the consequences. I felt such sorrow at the likely future that awaits this little girl that I wanted desperately to stop her mother and say, “Have you ever thought about saying “No”? Who’s the grownup here?”

Later, I ended up behind this pair in the checkout line. The mother left the girl alone in line, while she went to find a forgotten item. It only took a few seconds for this girl to start working on me. “I want that magazine…it has Halloween pictures. I LOVE Halloween…I want that magazine!” I ignored her for awhile, until she began pointedly telling me, “Get me that magazine!” I looked her straight in the eyes and told her firmly that she would have to wait and ask her mother. Her lip stuck out and her brow furrowed, but I was saved the embarrassment of a tantrum by the return of her mother. The girl started in on her mother, who told her, “I already got you gum.” The girl retorted, “I didn’t choose that…you did. I want the magazine!” The mother sighed and reached for the magazine. Upon receiving it, the girl flipped through it and decided it didn’t have any pumpkin pictures in it, so she didn’t want it. I watched as she waved the magazine under her mother’s nose, telling her to put it back. Mom was busy writing a check and studiously ignoring her, so I finally offered to replace it for her. She shoved it at me rudely, turned to the candy rack and started demanding a lollipop. Her mother sighed again and replied, “I’ve already paid…I’ll find you a lollipop at home.” Again, I watched in disbelief as the mother caved in to each demand. They finally began to walk out of the store, when the girl noticed a rack of DVD’s and began demanding a certain one be purchased. The mother kept on walking and got halfway to the door before she realized the girl was not following her. She came back and took the DVD away, telling her, “We’ve already paid. We’ll buy it next time.” As they walked off, the grocery checker exchanged a look with me and just shook her head.

I wish that this were an isolated incident, but I’m afraid it is more the norm these days. Everywhere I go, I see adults catering to their child’s every whim, afraid to say the simple word, “No.” I see children with no respect for authority, believing they are entitled to whatever they want. I see parents arguing with their children, cajoling them instead of showing some authority. I’ve started to wonder, “Where have all the grownups gone?” We have become a generation of parents who are afraid to say no, afraid to discipline our children, being controlled by their every whim. I shudder to think what these children will grow up to be—adults who don’t want to work, don’t have respect for anyone, and who think they are entitled to whatever they want.

If you are a parent, please remember that God has given you the authority to raise and discipline your children. One of my favorite verses in the Bible regarding discipline says this: “Don’t fail to discipline your children. They won’t die if you spank them.” (Proverbs 23:13) Another nugget of wisdom from Proverbs says: “Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” (Proverbs 19:18) God takes our role as parents very seriously…He commands us multiple times to discipline our children carefully. He expects us to act like grownups…not abdicate that role to be controlled and manipulated by our children. We are certainly not doing our children a favor when we give up disciplining them. Instead, we are failing them and condemning them to a life as a perpetual child, without the wisdom and self-control that should come with adulthood. On the contrary, when we love them enough to raise them with love and discipline, God says they will bring us peace and be a delight to our souls. (Proverbs 29:17)

It’s time to step up to the plate…our children and our world are certainly in need of some grownups.

A Little Righteous Anger

2008-09-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

Note to Readers: In writing this blog, it occurs to me that some of you reading this may have experienced some of the things talked about here. Please understand that my anger is NOT directed at you…only at the culture that leads us to think that premarital sex is okay and not harmful. I know that we are all human, and we all fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). I know that even Christians fall into sexual sin and suffer the heartbreaking consequences of their decisions. I am not judging you, only declaiming the culture that saturates us with immorality and makes it look “normal” and then proceeds to mock anything that is pure and holy. Please know that, whatever you’ve experienced, God offers forgiveness and restoration and can bring good out of any bad situation. If you need someone to talk to about these things, please contact me. I would love to help you find peace and mercy at the cross of Jesus.

I think I’m just going to have to stop reading the news…or else write a whole lot more blogs. Although my usual blogs tend to be feelings-based, and perhaps even warm and fuzzy, this time I’m sitting down to write with the fire of righteous anger burning in my veins. I just read a news story that was on the front page of MSN.com and I have progressed from disbelief to fury in the course of reading this article. To read this article for yourself, click here.

The article is titled “In Defense of Losing Your Virginity” and is written by Martha Brockenbrough. This is an opinion piece regarding an incident which occurred at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday. Apparently, a comedian named Russell Brand decided it would be funny to ridicule the purity rings worn by the band the Jonas Brothers. Another singer, Jordin Sparks, responded by showing off her own ring and by giving a sharp retort to his tasteless comment. Much controversy has been stirred up and now the “experts” are debating the worth of the new “purity ring” movement.

Ms. Brockenbrough, in her editorial, derides the new custom, saying that the only thing purity rings do is make people (especially parents) feel better about “one of the scariest parts of life”. She believes that many celebrities wear them only to make themselves palatable to the parents of the children who are watching their sexy acts. She goes on to claim that the rings are a “sham” and do nothing to actually prevent teens from having sex (would she prefer a chastity belt?). She further claims that they do “more harm than good” by making something public that should be private. (If it should be private, why is our culture so saturated with the subject?) She also contends that abstinence-based education fails and that kids who choose abstinence are more likely to fail later and to not use contraception. Her exact quote regarding sexual activity in teens is this: “Having sex in a committed relationship does not make a person a slut. It makes a person human.”

Ms. Brockenbrough, I have news for you. Abstinence does work. If we teach our children to not have sex until they are in a marriage relationship and they choose to remain abstinent, as God intended, there will be no unplanned pregnancies, sexual diseases, or the emotional damage that comes with multiple sexual relationships. Just because you (and our culture) are teaching our children that they can’t possibly wait, so we must give them contraception, doesn’t make it true. I know many, many couples who have practiced abstinence and now enjoy beautiful married relationships. Are you telling me that what we did was impossible? Was it hard? Yes…but we believed that it was something so beautiful and special it was worth waiting for…and it was.

Now, about the ring. Is it a magical tool to keep our children pure? Of course not. But it is a very visible reminder when they get into tempting situations. Looking down and seeing that ring and remembering the commitment they made (not in the heat of the moment) can definitely have an effect on the choices they make. It’s about more than virginity. It’s about a decision to honor God and their future spouse with their purity. It’s about deciding to do what is best for their body and for their future marriage relationship. It’s about taking a stand and refusing to listen to a morally depraved culture that says “if it feels good, do it.” If you are married, do you wear a wedding ring? Is it a magical tool to keep you faithful to your husband? Of course not. But it is also a reminder of a vow you took on your wedding day to honor your spouse and give him the gift of your faithfulness. Why is it okay to choose to wear a ring to remind you of that fact, and as a message to others that you are taken, and yet you are making a purity ring an object of ridicule, calling it a “tacky public proclamation of something that could not be more private”? Is that how you feel about wedding rings, too?

Now, I am not naïve. I know that giving our children a purity ring will not remove them from the possibility of premarital sex. They are human, and humans make mistakes. But we don’t just give our children a piece of jewelry. We also give them the strength of character to make God-pleasing choices with their bodies, the understanding of why this is important and the parental oversight to protect them from situations they are not ready for. I vehemently disagree with your contention that teens are going to have sex, whether we like it or not. Maybe you think they are little more than animals, but I give my children more credit than that. You claim we need to teach our children self-respect and self-control and that those are more important than virginity. In my book, if you have self-respect and self-control, you are capable of choosing abstinence until marriage as well.

You just go ahead and laugh. This modern idea of sexual freedom and self-indulgence has only spawned heartbreak and broken families and millions of aborted babies. We’ll take the old-fashioned approach of purity and honor; and, if a little piece of jewelry is a tool to help our children on that path, then we’ll gladly subject ourselves to your ridicule.

A Change of Season

2008-09-07T18:27:00.001-07:00

Fall is definitely in the air. The temperature has cooled, the days are seeming shorter, and the routine of school has settled in. One of my children even told me this week that Christmas is only 3-1/2 months away. As always, the summer seemed too brief and while I dearly love the season of autumn, I don’t feel quite ready for the change of season.

This weekend we enjoyed a wonderful visit from some dear friends. They are a young married couple with two small children and have been part of our adopted family since their college days. Ashley even became a member of our household for a few months, when she lived with us during her final semester in college. We met Ashley at our church when we were seeking a regular babysitter for our three children. She came and spent some time with me, a very natural friendship blossomed, and she became our much loved and trusted babysitter. During a difficult semester for her, we invited her to move in with us and become part of our family. Now, some seven years later, Ashley is a young mom herself, with a wonderful husband and two precious toddlers of her own.

Seeing Ashley mother her sweet girls brought out a whole host of emotions in me. Seeing her all “grown up” and patiently attending to the needs of her daughters, I felt proud. Knowing that I played a small part in her training as a mom, it blessed me immensely to see the wonderful fruit taking place in her life. Her girls, though very young, are impressively polite and well-mannered. Upon meeting my husband, Alan, three-year old Emma stuck out her hand and said, “Pleased to meetcha!” Their obedience to their parents is a beautiful thing to see. Sixteen-month old Sophie, deciding whether or not to obey Mommy and not play in the dog food bowl, took a moment to consider if it was worth the consequences and chose wisely.

Watching my children help take care of Ashley’s children made me nostalgic at the passing of time. As Molly, my fourteen-year old, carried around the baby and helped feed and change her, I remembered Ashley loving on and caring for my small children. Somehow it seems like yesterday that I was the young mom with toddlers, and Ashley the young lady learning how to care for children. Now the roles have changed, and life goes on. Ashley and I laughed as I watched her buckle little ones into car seats in a minivan (“Ill never drive a minivan!” said she not that long ago) and I commented to her, “Wow…You’ve become me!”

Taking meals together brought back a host of memories. As Dan (Ashley’s husband) jumped up repeatedly to take Emma to the bathroom, and Ashley picked up dropped food and answered requests for more without breaking stride in our conversation, my husband and I smiled at each other across the table. It wasn’t that long ago that our meals were interrupted continually by potty breaks and cutting up toddlers’ food. Now we sit down, everyone feeds themselves and washes their own dishes at the end of the meal.

When Ashley lived with us, she would often come home late in the evening to find us slumped on the couch, exhausted, trying to stay awake until a respectable time arrived for us to go to bed (sometimes 9:30!). She would laugh and tease us about being old. Guess who could barely make it until 10 pm this time? We took great delight in teasing her about all the things she teased us about just a few years ago.

Spending time with this precious family also gave me hope for the future. Seeing a young couple who genuinely love each other and love their Lord and who are faithfully training up a new generation to serve Him warmed my heart. Sometimes we look around and see the state of families today (even in the church) and feel discouraged. Seeing Ashley and Dan with a godly vision for their children showed me that God is working in the next generation and that all is not lost.

While I admit to feeling a small bit of sadness this weekend that we are no longer that young couple just starting out in our family life, I feel mostly blessed. I feel blessed that we could have a small part in mentoring this young family, blessed to see God’s faithfulness across the generations, and blessed to see a vision for my children as they grow up and marry and raise children of their own. Yes, my season has changed (and it’s happened more quickly than I ever imagined), but I can see that there are even more beautiful seasons ahead. Thanks, Dan and Ashley, for blessing us so richly this weekend.

Hope for Weary Moms

2008-08-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

In my conversations with young moms, there seems to be a common theme…weariness. Sometimes these young women are so physically and emotionally fatigued that they feel hopeless. The days seem endless and the job impossible. They would trade anything for just one night’s uninterrupted sleep. If you feel that you just can’t go on one more day, then this blog is for you.

The good news is…you’re right where God wants you to be. Recognizing our weakness is the starting point of something amazing. You are absolutely right—you CAN’T do this, at least not in your own strength. Yes, being a full-time mom is hard work and often requires more of us than we have to give. But, we have to remember that we are not alone in this task. We have a heavenly Father who is waiting for us to turn to him and admit that we’re incapable. Then and only then can He equip us for this monumental task (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Sound trite? I suggest you try it. Get down on your knees and beg God to provide what you need to be successful at mothering. He delights in our openness and promises to give us strength when we are weary…and what mom isn’t weary? I remember a three-year period when I had only slept through the night a handful of times. Noah didn’t sleep through the night until he was 14 months old and a month later I became pregnant with Lexi. The entire pregnancy I was plagued with insomnia and then Lexi, too, failed to sleep through the night consistently until she was 14 months old (and yes, we tried every theory known to man). By the time this ended, my body had forgotten HOW to sleep through the night! I was falling asleep at stoplights (literally) and one of my friends said later that she was worried about me because it was like my personality had just disappeared in a fog of weariness. But the good news is…by God’s grace I survived, my children thrived, and now we ALL sleep through the night.

Feeling guilty over losing your temper with your child? We all lose our patience and fail in how we respond to our children. When this happens to you, be sure you go to your child in humility and admit your fault and apologize. In doing this, you are modeling repentance and teaching him how to act when he has wronged someone. Ask his forgiveness…you’ll be surprised how quick these little hearts are to forgive our failings.

Talk to God…constantly. I keep a running dialogue with Him all day long. When I’m feeling that temper rise, I go to God immediately (in silent prayer). I know He is only a breath away and I believe He is able to change me and my fleshly response. Also, talk to a friend…have someone you can call when you are losing it who will encourage you in the right way and pray with you. It’s not weakness to ask for help—it’s wisdom. Sometimes it’s the isolation of being a stay-at-home mom that causes us to be overwhelmed. We can feel as if we are all alone in a sea of dirty diapers, crusty dishes and sticky handprints. Having a support group is essential—many a lonely day is lifted by hanging out with another mom and her kids. One of my friends and I remind each other frequently (by phone, email or an encouraging note): “You’re doing the right thing.”

Finally, give yourself a break. As the saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. This monumental task of mothering will get easier and you’ll adjust. Don’t expect perfection. When you fail, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start anew, and remember “His mercies are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Be patient with yourself and let God mold you as you mold your children. I firmly believe He gives us children in order to refine our character. Keep in mind that, for now, your to-do list will never get done…and release yourself from the stress of a perfect house, gourmet dinners and perfectly groomed children. Let go of the fairy-tale and embrace the reality. If dinner is mac and cheese, but you took the time to snuggle and read that extra book to your toddler, then you have chosen what is best. Your kids won’t remember if your house was perfectly decorated or that you made Beef Wellington for dinner (they’d probably rather have hot dogs!), but they will remember if you were always too busy or stressed to enjoy them. And from my vantage point, the time goes much too quickly. For me, it isn’t that many years until my kids are grown and my house will stay clean when I clean it. For right now, I want them to know that they are far more important than any chore, and that I cherish the time I have with them. There will be plenty of time for those other things later…sometimes, you have to just give up on perfection so you don’t miss the gift of right now.

The most important thing I’ve learned in thriving as a mom is this: We have to let go of self. The most miserable moms I know are those who are clinging so tightly to their desires and dreams that they are missing the incredible gift God has given them in this role of motherhood. Yes, God has given you the many gifts and dreams that you hold in your heart, but that doesn’t mean He plans to fulfill them all right now. Trust Him to keep those dreams safe for you until the season is right to bring them to fruition. Right now, your most important task is to shape those little hearts to love their Creator…everything else can wait or take a backseat for now. God will bless you for giving those babies first priority…will you trust Him to take care of YOU while you take care of them?

Why did God give you this task if you feel incapable of doing it? He did this because He is capable of doing it…through you. He chose you, especially, to be the mommy of your children. He made you exactly the way He intended so you could be the one to lead your little ones to Him and to bring Him glory. He created your babies and chose you as the best mother for them. Isn’t that an awesome thought? Out of all the mommies he could have chosen…He chose you. Is being a 24/7 mother an arduous task? Oh my, yes. Is it impossible? Not with the God of the universe on your side. Will you persevere and let Him lead you, mold you, and make you into the mother He intended you to be?

My favorite verse when my children were small was this:

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

I kept this verse on the refrigerator, on the bathroom mirror and in my heart for those days when weariness overwhelmed me. Now that I’m farther down the road of raising my children, I am starting to reap that harvest, and I assure you, it is worth every sleepless night, every agonizing day when you feel like you just can’t go on one more minute. Let me give you a glimpse of life ten years down the road. I used to weary of bath time. With three children, it seemed like it took forever to get all three bathed and dressed for bed, with teeth brushed and prayers said. Now I say, “Go take showers and get ready for bed”…and they do. I used to weary of the endless dirty dishes…now I have willing helpers to unload the dishwasher or clean up after supper. I used to despair of ever being caught up with the laundry…now two out of three do their own. Cleaning house seemed like an impossible dream…now a weekly chore chart ensures the household tasks get done, and not all by me! Days used to be spent in endless discipline…now we go days at a time without an incident. I used to long for someone to talk to…now my oldest daughter is one of my dearest friends. School time was often an endless litany of “what do I do now, Mom?”…now my children are often up before me and busy at work on their own when I come downstairs. We’re seeing the fruit of faithful discipline, patient training and many, many hours of prayer, and it is absolutely priceless. I promise you, the reward will be worth the sacrifice and you won’t regret a moment of it…don’t give up.

God knows when you are weary, and He cares. He’s there with you, gently leading you, comforting you, and giving you strength. All you have to do is ask.

God of the Trivial

2008-08-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

There is a treasure in our house, something that is priceless to us. No, it isn’t a famous painting, or a piece of valuable jewelry, or an expensive sports car. As a matter of fact, if you saw this item, you might think it was destined for the donation bin at Goodwill or perhaps the trash heap. It doesn’t look like much, but it holds a special place in our family story and in the formation of a little girl’s faith.

When Molly, our oldest, was three years old, we were going through a time of major transition. We had recently decided to move from Colorado to Southern California for my husband’s job, and we were also expecting our second child. Our house was for sale and our plans were laid to make the move in a few months’ time. One weekend, we decided to take Molly to the Homecoming Parade at the Colorado State University campus. We loaded up the stroller and all of our first-child accoutrements (you travel much lighter with subsequent kids!) and headed downtown. Along for the ride was Molly’s special stuffed animal, the donkey from Winnie-the-Pooh. As those of you who are Pooh fans will doubtless know, his real name is Eeyore. In our family, however, he has long been known as “Dadoo”, dubbed by Molly as one of her first words. Somehow, the name stuck and we still catch ourselves calling Eeyore “Dadoo” and receiving strange looks from those outside the family. Dadoo was a gift to Molly from her daddy and I, and he has watched over her from her earliest days in the hospital crib. Dadoo went everywhere with Molly, from church to the grocery store to naptime to Grandma’s house. So, in typical Molly fashion, he also accompanied us this day to the parade.

Several hours later, we packed up to go home. The plan was to leave a very tired and pregnant Mom home to take a nap, while Daddy and Molly went to the football game (this arrangement made everyone happy!). Upon arriving home, however, as they were preparing to leave for the game, a little voice suddenly asked, “Where’s my Dadoo?” After a frantic search of the car, the stroller and the backpack did not turn up a certain little donkey, Molly began to cry in earnest. We tried to assure her that we would find him, but as our eyes met over the top of her head, our faces showed something near panic. We finally convinced Molly to leave for the game, assuring her that Mommy would go back to the campus and search high and low until Dadoo was found.

I raced back to campus and commenced searching. I walked every inch of the path we had taken…once, twice, three times. Tears began rolling down my cheeks as I silently conversed with God. “Please, Lord, Molly needs this donkey. She’s never slept a night without him in her whole life. Everything is changing, God…she’s leaving her home, her grandparents, adding a new baby to the family. Now is NOT the time to lose her security object. I’m such a terrible mother…I should have checked the stroller before we left. Please, God, please…let me find this silly donkey.” My stomach knotted and my heart sank as I searched everywhere, over and over again, with no success. I searched as long as I could until my pregnant body could walk no more. I drove home in tears, pleading with God for help in finding this very important donkey.

When my little girl raced into the house that evening, with hope shining in her eyes and said, “Where’s Dadoo, Mommy?”, it was all I could do to tell her that my search had been unsuccessful. I watched as her face fell, her eyes spilled over with tears and she collapsed in my arms. “What are we gonna do, Mommy? I can’t sleep without my Dadoo…Daddy, what if I never see him again?” I looked up at Alan and saw my own anguish reflected on his face. I never thought to see my husband almost at the point of tears over a lost stuffed toy, but his daughter’s pain was breaking his heart. We rocked and consoled her and then we gathered to pray. We pleaded with God to bring Dadoo home, and honestly, I didn’t feel silly at all bothering the Creator of the Universe with our seemingly insignificant request. I listened to Molly pour out her heart to God and I worried…what if God didn’t bring Dadoo home? What would that do to her sweet, childlike faith? We put her to bed and went to bed ourselves, completely depressed.

Over the next couple of days, I kept hearing a refrain in my head. We had recently been singing a song at church that came from Jeremiah 32 and said, “Is anything too difficult for Thee?” Instead of those words, I kept hearing “Is anything too trivial for Thee?” We prayed and we tried to comfort our inconsolable daughter and we finally came up with a wild idea…to put a classified ad in the newspaper. We knew it was a long shot. After all, who would possibly pick up such a ragged stuffed animal and then actually look in the “Lost” section of the newspaper? But we were desperate…our precious little girl was miserable, barely eating and crying herself to sleep each night. I picked up the phone to call the local paper, and as I began reading the ad to the woman on the other end of the phone, she suddenly interrupted me. Stumbling over her words in her excitement, she proceeded to tell me that she had just taken another call…from a woman placing an ad in the “Found” section. You guessed it—she had found Molly’s Dadoo and recognized it as well-loved, not ragged. We quickly called this woman and listened as she described finding Dadoo. She said, “I could tell it was really loved and just kept thinking about that child out there who was missing it.” She refused any reward and urged us to come right over and pick him up.

Molly’s joy at being reunited with Dadoo was matched by our joy in watching her. She was overcome with gratitude to God for “bringing Dadoo home” and kept saying, “He really did it…He really brought Dadoo home!” Our hearts were overwhelmed at the goodness of God—that He really cared about a sad little girl and her little lost donkey. None of us have ever forgotten that week or the faith lessons we learned. We know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that nothing is too trivial in the lives of His children, and that He even cares about ragged, stuffed donkeys named Dadoo.

My Hero

2008-08-23T10:11:00.001-07:00

Talk of heroes is in the air. With the Olympics being aired on TV every night and the news abounding with stories of gifted athletes who have worked and sacrificed to gain their prize, children and adults everywhere are captivated by those they consider to be heroes. Our family has enjoyed watching some of the Olympic events and has cheered for our country as the US athletes have competed to win the gold. While the things these athletes have accomplished are worthy of honor, I’d like to tell you about my real hero.

Today I held my mother’s hand and prayed with her as she entered the hospital to face surgery with a somewhat uncertain outcome. The doctors had strongly recommended a hysterectomy for her, due to the discovery of a polyp that was unreachable by less invasive surgery. Because of her history of cancer, they felt that leaving the polyp was not a safe option in case it, too, was cancerous. It was decided that a hysterectomy would be performed, and then a biopsy done while she was under the anesthesia. If the polyp were indeed cancerous, a cancer surgeon would be summoned to do further surgery to remove lymph nodes and other tissues to try and remove all the cancer. When Mom went to sleep, she did not know if she was facing a simple hysterectomy or the beginnings of another battle against cancer. Seven years earlier, my mother courageously battled breast cancer with more grace and serenity than I have ever seen. She came out on the other side of her cancer experience with an even deeper faith and a peace about the future, whatever it held. Her attitude became, “As long as God is in control, whatever happens will be okay.” Mom never wavered in her confidence that God is good and that she was safe in his hands.

Shortly after getting the all clear on her breast cancer, Mom took a terrible fall and broke her shoulder. This time she endured two painful surgeries and long recoveries, again without complaint. She worked hard at her physical therapy, in spite of the pain it caused her, and clung tightly to her belief that God uses all things for good. Instead of becoming bitter at her string of misfortunes, she persevered and praised God for all the good things He brought her, such as friends who loved and cared for her, and a continued clean report from the cancer doctor.

My whole life, my mother has been a shining example of a godly woman. The first time I heard the phrase “steel magnolia”, I knew it was talking about her. While she is a demure, sweet-spirited woman, don’t be fooled…there is a core of pure steel. Her strength is not about loudness or getting her own way, it’s about not being moved by the storms of life. It’s about never bending to evil, never giving up on those she loves, and never wavering from her faith in the One who made her. I hope someday my children will look on me with the respect and devotion I hold for her.

After an hour-and-a-half of surgery, the doctor came out to report that the news was all good. Once again, God has taken care of my mother and her surgery report was cancer-free. Once again, my beautiful mother has suffered pain without complaint. She is recovering at home now and counting the days until she can return to her normal routine of blessing others instead of being on the receiving end. If there is a gold medal for grace under fire, I’d like to nominate my mother.

Thanks, Mr. D.

2008-08-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

Sitting here in my dining room on a Sunday afternoon, a bright yellow school bus just drove by my window. I can only guess it is a dry run for the big day tomorrow…the first day of school. Watching the bus drive by, only one emotion fills my heart…relief that my children won’t be on it. While my oldest daughter attended public school from kindergarten through fourth grade, and my middle son for kindergarten, we now choose to home educate our three children. We are entering our fifth year of our homeschooling journey, and every year it just becomes sweeter. I confess, I used to cry every year on the first day of school. After playing the part of a strong, encouraging mom and sending my kids off to their new classrooms with a smile and a hug, I’d make it to the car (or at least to the parking lot) and then the tears would roll. Pain would tug at my heart at the thought of the next nine months of sending my children away every day for six-and-a-half hours to be taught by someone else. Somehow, it never felt right to me.

Then came the day, at the end of our son’s kindergarten year, when my husband and I were invited to join our kindergarten teacher for a conference. We were expecting this to be a discussion of how to meet our gifted son’s academic needs in first-grade. Our oldest daughter, who is also academically gifted, had experienced a difficult first-grade year. While her teacher was a wonderful, Christian woman who loved our daughter, Molly was so far ahead of the mainstream students that she was, well….bored. This made her miserable and frustrated and not very pleasant to live with! (Sorry, Molly.) We hoped to avoid repeating this experience with our second child, so had requested to meet with his teacher and work out a plan for next year. Imagine our surprise when we entered this parent/teacher conference to find not just our teacher, but the principal, the literacy specialist and another teacher that we did not even know. We sat down in those ridiculously tiny chairs (do they hold conferences there just to put parents off-balance?) and listened as our teacher turned the conference over to first the literacy specialist and then the principal. We listened as the specialist gave the results of testing on our son, showing he was reading at a ninth grade level at the age of six. The principal carried on to explain to us that, although our school was known as the “academic” school in our town, it was not equipped to handle kids with such advanced abilities. We listened in disbelief and something akin to shock as Mr. D. went on to inform us that he believed we needed to homeschool our children.

Our immediate response to this was to question the other options. Wasn’t there a gifted school somewhere nearby who could educate our children? How about a Montessori school? They are supposed to be good for gifted children, right? How about a private school, with a smaller student/teacher ratio? As our principal quietly shot down each of these other options and reiterated that homeschooling was really our best option, we looked at each other in wide-eyed disbelief. To hear our public-school principal tell us that homeschooling was “best” for our children, and that indeed, he considered it the best form of education overall, was shocking. We left the room reeling, speechless, and profoundly confused. While we were familiar with homeschooling and had family and friends who had chosen to homeschool, we had never believed it to be what God wanted us to do with our children. We had a somewhat negative view of this method, due to the amount of pressure put on us by others before we even conceived our first child! We wanted our children to be a light in a dark place, and believed that school was that place. We loved the school we were a part of, and were actively involved in that school. Leaving it seemed unthinkable.

The next six weeks were amazing. We began praying about this decision and prayed for God to make it so blatantly clear to us that we couldn’t miss it. We also prayed that if homeschooling was what God desired, that He would change our hearts and attitudes about it. I can honestly say, I have never been more clearly answered in all my life. Everywhere we turned, God was holding up neon signs saying, “This is the path I have for you…trust me, and walk in it.” Every time we picked up the newspaper, it was another article about a public school shooting, or about homosexuality being taught in the schools, or about abstinence-based sex education being banned from the schools. Conversely, we saw many articles about the growth of the homeschooling movement and how successful these kids were academically. We saw test scores that put public schools to shame. Everywhere we went, we met homeschool parents willing to mentor us and share their experiences, in a positive way, not a judgmental one. We even drove six hundred miles to buy a car, because God apparently wanted us to meet a certain salesman who homeschooled his kids and knew the right words we needed to hear. (That’s a long story, but an amazing one). As the end of the school year approached, we knew the answer…while homeschooling may not be an option for everyone, God wanted US to homeschool, and He had completely changed our hearts and we were excited and ready to do this.

Our reasons for homeschooling that year were primarily to give our children a better education and to allow them to be challenged academically. Our reasons four years later have changed quite a bit. Now it is more about the fact that we are convicted that God wants us to disciple our children by teaching them at home and then sending them out to be “lights” in a dark world. The academic benefits are still important, just not the primary reason we continue homeschooling. The spiritual benefits have far surpassed any academic benefit, and the fruit we see in our children is the reason we continue. I can say without any doubt that it has been the best decision we have ever made for our family, and our children would agree. I thank God every day that He turned our hearts toward home and brought our children home, too. Is homeschooling hard work? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. So now, when I see that yellow school bus go by, I smile and think, “Thanks, Mr. D.”

Missing the Point

2008-08-07T07:05:00.000-07:00

I am not a TV watcher. I very rarely watch anything on TV, much preferring to curl up with a good book instead. On rare occasion, however, usually when my husband is out of town on business and the kids are finally tucked up in bed, I will turn it on and flip through a few channels trying to find something worthy of my time. More often than not, after about five minutes of this, the TV is once again turned off and I return to my book. Every time I do watch TV, I am quickly reminded why we chose years ago to never allow cable TV into our home. There is plenty of mind-numbing, soul-polluting fare on the regular channels…why would I pay money to bring more of it into my home?

Tonight was one of those rare occasions when I turned on the set to check for weather updates after church was interrupted with a tornado warning. The devastating tornado that struck our little town a couple of months ago has made us a little more apt to take those warnings seriously, so I wanted to make sure it was safe to put the kids to bed upstairs and not in the basement. No weather reports were available, but the first few minutes of a show entitled “The Baby Borrowers” caught my attention. Apparently, several teen couples were given children of various ages to borrow and “parent” for a period of time, so they could see what parenting is really all about, in hopes of discouraging teen pregnancy. My first thought was, “You’ve got to be kidding…who in their right minds would allow their children to be used in such an experiment?!” This was evidently the final episode, with a panel of “experts” (and I use the term loosely!) evaluating the merits of this experiment and debating society’s issues with teen pregnancy. I found myself quickly moving from interest to disbelief to intense frustration as I listened to the debate.

While I am sure that parenting children full-time was a great deterrent for these particular teenagers, I couldn’t help but feel the adults were entirely missing the point. The debate ranged from whether the new teen flick “Juno” is affecting girls’ views of being mothers at a young age as a positive thing to whether or not Hollywood (a la Jamie Lynn Spears) is influencing teen girls to want to be pregnant and to view it as glamorous. While I have not seen the movie, nor do I follow the life of the Spears family, I definitely disagree with the conclusions of the “experts”. They applauded “Juno” as a positive example of a girl who handles an unexpected pregnancy with maturity and stated that teens were mature enough to know the difference between fiction and real life. Again, I believe they are missing the entire point. While offering effective birth control was discussed, the value of purity was glaringly absent. Nowhere was it discussed that this would not even be an issue if our children were taught to follow God’s plan for sex to be a beautiful expression of married love. So here we have a television show with unmarried teen couples placed in a living situation with children, and from several scenes, apparently sharing a bedroom. Hello?!! Am I the only one that sees the irony here?

I believe our downward spiral into the morally decadent society we have today has definitely been influenced by Hollywood and what our children are exposed to every day. But is it completely Hollywood’s fault that so many babies are born to unwed parents or aborted every year? You might be surprised by my answer here, but…no. Who is responsible for letting our children watch these television shows or movies that depict teen sexual activity as normal? Who is responsible for buying the clothes that outfit our little girls as tramps? Who is responsible for accepting the world’s message that our children should be oversexed, irresponsible and unable to control their impulses? I can only answer that we, as parents, are the gatekeepers of our children’s hearts. If we have allowed the world to come into our homes, whether it is via television or movies or music or advertising and done nothing to teach our children to discern right from wrong, then we are the ones responsible. I beg you as mothers and fathers, stand up and refuse to be sucked into the moral cesspool our world has created. Don’t buy those outfits for your six-year-old whose intent is to make her look “sexy”. Don’t accept the pre-teen “role models” that pervade our society and masquerade as wholesome when they are anything but wholesome. The problem of teen pregnancy starts way before the teen years. Walk into any department store and survey the clothes offered in the children’s section. Read the books being offered to them as good literature at school. Open your eyes before it’s too late…and don’t be afraid to be unpopular and say that dreaded word…“No”. Have the wisdom to set your own standards and the courage to abide by them instead of blindly accepting what society says is “normal”. Hollywood only dishes out what sells…are you buying? In our house, we choose to let God set the standards, not some group of people who only want one thing…your money.

Lifting the Veil

2008-08-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

Every so often, we have one of those moments when we get a glimpse of something just beyond the pale, something so other-worldly that we know it can’t be part of this realm. Just for a moment, we catch sight of something that our limited minds just can’t quite grasp, like the whisper of a butterfly’s wings slipping through our fingers. It teases the edges of our minds, taunting us with its beauty and grace, yet dissipating like a fog that burns away in the morning sun. One of my favorite Christian authors calls these moments “windows of the soul”. I think of it as a lifting of the veil.

When our oldest daughter was about three years old, we attended a baptism. Molly was very quiet throughout the preliminaries, with big brown eyes solemnly taking it all in. Suddenly, just as the person was raised up out of the water, she threw her hands to the sky and exclaimed, “Mommy, look! Do you see them? They’re playing banjos!” She pointed excitedly at the air above the baptistry and continued to describe what she was seeing, while we looked stupidly at the empty space and questioningly at each other. Later, after she was safely tucked in her bed, my husband and I began to hesitantly question each other. “Did you see anything?” “You don’t think it could have been…well, angels?” “And banjos? Do you really think they play banjos?” It just didn’t fit with our conservative, somewhat stodgy church upbringing, yet we couldn’t deny the absolute rapture on the face of our precious daughter.

When our middle child, our son, was also about three years old, we took a vacation to California with the grandparents to introduce our children to the wonders of the ocean and, of course, Disneyland. Unfortunately, that vacation will go down in family lore as the vacation from, well, you-know-where. Noah had come down with croup in the days just before we departed, and coupled with his severe asthma, the vacation began with a 4 am nebulizer treatment to restore his breathing. The plane trip was a disaster, with him crouping and gasping the entire trip, and making frequent use of the so-thoughtfully-provided waste bag. Our accommodations turned out to be not quite the lovely seaside rental house that was pictured on the Internet, but a filthy, run-down shack on the beach, complete with 2nd story windows with no screens to prevent our 3 small children from tumbling to the ground (and no air conditioning, of course). At some point during our week, we ended up making a late-night, panicked trek across San Diego to the Children’s Hospital with our barely-breathing son. We spent the entire night in the Emergency Room, finally heading home late the next morning. Within about 15 minutes of arriving back at our beach house, we were hurriedly rushing him back to the hospital, where he endured more breathing treatments, steroid shots and x-rays until he finally fell sound asleep on the table while they poked and prodded. We finished out the week, managing (barely) to take Noah to his long-anticipated Legoland, and then headed home with great sighs of relief. My mother earned my life-long awe with her simple statement, “It was a wonderful vacation, honey. Thanks for taking us!”

A few days later, after we had settled back into life in sunny Colorado, I was sitting with Noah after administering yet another nebulizer treatment. He looked up at me with his sweet, cherubic face and asked, “Mama, when I go to heaven, will I get sick anymore?” I swallowed hard and answered, “No, honey…in heaven you’ll never be sick again.” He thought for a moment and then continued, “Mama, in heaven will I cough anymore?” I assured him that Jesus would certainly take away all his coughing, too. Next came, “Mama,” (every sentence started with Mama in those days!), “do you know what the best thing about heaven is going to be?” I smoothed his blonde hair away from his big brown eyes and said, “What, honey?”, fully expecting the answer to be something like, “I won’t be sick anymore” or “You won’t tell me not to run” (since running always made him cough). Instead, he looked up at me with wonder in his eyes and said, “I’m gonna get to see Jesus’ face.” I could not speak around the lump in my throat and the wonder in my soul as the veil lifted and I got a glimpse of heaven, provided by my three-year-old son.

Several years later, I sat beside my youngest daughter, Lexi, who was looking at a picture story Bible. She gave several deep sighs and glanced up at me with a troubled expression. When I questioned her, she turned to me and with tears rolling down her cheeks, she said, “Look, Mommy. Look what they did to him.” She showed me the page where she was sadly studying a picture of Jesus on the cross and then threw herself in my arms and sobbed. My heart was touched with wonder as, again, the veil lifted and Jesus showed himself to me through the eyes of a child. My heart was pierced as I realized anew the magnitude of the gift given for me.

One of the most recent moments came at the funeral of my beloved grandmother last year. One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done was to sing at her funeral, yet I knew that she would have loved having her family honor her in such a way. She was one of the most precious people in the world to me, and her passing left a hole in my heart the size of Texas. As we sang the beautiful song “Come to Jesus”, our daughter, Molly, came out all dressed in white and performed a worship dance. Again, the world seemed to tilt a little as I felt transported, and instead of just one lone dancer, my mind imagined a whole company of angels dancing as they welcomed my grandmother home. We sang the final verse, “And with your final heartbeat /Kiss the world goodbye / Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and / Fly to Jesus / Fly to Jesus / Fly to Jesus and live!” The tears coursed down my face, but my heart exulted in knowing that she was finally free from the misery of illness and aging, and that she was safe in Jesus’ arms.

Now I don’t know if angels really play banjos, but I do know this…Jesus will return someday and that veil will be lifted one last time. Only, this time, it will stay lifted, and we will see things that we are incapable of even imagining now. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait.